Orange Nageeta [1]

I assume that I did everything I was supposed to do today, and yet, I dont like anything or anybody. I dont want to Love in this NOW MOMENT, I WANNA BE MEAN. I wanna sing Mean by Taylor Swift to all those who have been mean to me in my lifetime and there are many. I want to tell all those who have told me from birth that I would never be anything or anybody BULLSHIT. I dont feel like being LOVE at this moment. Sometimes Love is WEIRD.  I dont want to be nice to the cabal. They were not nice to me. I dont want to love the Coojoe dog across the street that gets loose and bite and chase people. No, I do not. I dont like people who look at me in lust. Do they now about my childhood? How I was a victim of sexual abuse from 3 to 7? Cant they see the pain and anguish in my face???? No, I dont like that. ITS DISGUSTING. I dont understand how people can be so mean. I DONT UNDERSTAND. I work and work at releasing these and other things I cant talk about, and they still return. I broke down to a complete stranger yesterday and he was one of the few people who have showed me compassion. Why is this not common? WHY WHY WHY.

I just wanna go HOME. I just wanna crowl up under a rock and just sit.  This world is not what I desire, never has been. An the soul contract behavior, it's really a hard pill to swollow. If you looked at my life and seen the things that I have dealt with, you'd be more amazed than I am that its a part of my soul contract. THIS PLACE IS DISGUSTING. I meditate, pray, fast, LOVE, anything I think that can help and in this NOW MOMENT cant help my damn self.

Right now, I love NOTHING. I pray tomorrow will be a better day for me.

Nageeta