Chandra Ra and the Little Blue Planet [1]

I arrived here a few decades ago.  Unfortunately I found myself in a small body that didn't function the way I expected.  Two people took me to their house with the plan that I would live with them.  I understand that this is how the birth and parent situation works here, but I was not prepared for what that would really mean.

As much as the people had good intentions, the grief of being in a new culture was more than I had any idea it would be.  I learned the language here - that's never a problem.  But the people here refused to have a normal conversation with me.  First they spoke to me in a bizarre, nonsensical tone of voice.  Then as time went on and they spoke with a normal tone, they still refused to hold actual conversations. 

And I understand the importance for maintaining the usual process here with attending the educational system.  This is needed for me to learn what to do here.  But the others of my bodily age weren't interesting.  I have no need to discuss who plays what on what playground team or try out the game where some pretend to be mommies and some babies.  So of course I would gravitate toward conversations with the teachers and parents.  But they'd have none of it!  They assumed that what I was going to say was irrelevant before I even had the chance to say anything.  Or if I misused a word here, instead of looking for the word I intended, they would laugh and have me say it again in front of other adults.  How rude they are here!  It's as if they aren't even in the same conversations that I am.

But I understand that I'm not here to have enjoyable conversations.  Or do anything else that I could learn from watching the Earth people.  But the truth is that I don't know why I am here.  I think I've made every mistake here. 

When I was young here I was true to my being.  I talked to those that "one shouldn't", I called people out when being bad to each other, I stayed in relationships too long (because how can you love someone and want them in your life one minute, and then not the next?).  I didn't speak when people said irrelevant things to me, and I did speak to "authorities" in a collegial manner.  And of course as life went on I was informed over and over that this is not how things are done. 

So I watched and tried to learn.  How *are* things supposed to be done?  Why does everyone seem to innately get it while I have no idea.  Not only do I have no idea, but these things seem wrong to me. 

But as an adult I have tried.  I've tried to act the way I am supposed to, say the things that are meant to be in conversations at exactly the right time, not bond to all who I meet, not look at them in the way that draws some in and freaks others out (I'm pretty sure I'm not looking in any particular way at all).  I've tried.  And I've spent countless hours crying and repeating, "I want to go home!"

And to add insult to injury, the fact that they give one words as names here seems ridiculous.  As if a word label can define a person.  My vibration says who I am.  Every time I have to say my name I feel like a fraud.  My name is nothing I can say.  You can *feel* it.  That is who I am. 

I had no idea that the Earth vibration was so strong and could make a person forget so much. 

I don't know why I'm here.  But I can say that realizing that years of saying to myself, "I want to go home," finally showed me that this isn't my home.  And I don't have to try to act like the ones I find here.  They are fine beings, I am simply not one of them.  And not meant to try to pretend that I am. 

The reason I am here, on someone else's planet, is precisely because I bring a different vibration and a different reality.  There are many stories that are around these days and at this important time for Earth.  I can't tell you what happens next, but having been seeded here, I hold this place where I am in the best vibration that I can.  As I'm sure are you who are reading this. 

In Relation to You,

Chandra Ra