THE HIDDEN ROOTS OF DEPRESSION: HOW A MOTHER'S UNHEALED SADNESS INFLUENCES HER CHILD - Brian Schulz [1]

DEAR FRIENDS- Are you- or is someone you love- struggling with ongoing sadness and depression? Have you tried method after method- from chemical antidepressants to psychotherapy to religion to meditation- and still have not regained the gladness to be alive that you know exists but you cannot reach?

If so I hope you will keep reading and deeply consider what I am about to share with you. The insights and perspective I will offer may prove to be a turning point in your quest for the healing and life-long happiness you deserve!

In my decades of work with people who reached out to me in a crisis of depression and/or despair, I have seen a common history shared by almost all of them. The vast majority of my depressed clients grew up with Mothers who had also suffered from a significant depression of their own. And this had painful consequences for the vulnerable, developing child my clients once were.

How does a Mother's deep and chronic sadness- which she may suppress out of her conscious awareness but will nonetheless remain a dominant force in her body and spirit- affect her vulnerable and emotionally open child? This was the crucial riddle I needed to answer in order to help my clients heal their depression and find the happiness they longed for and deserved.

From close observation of how infants and young children interact with their Mothers; from a profound inner search for the impact of my own depressed Mother on my developing body, mind and emotions; and from a deep exploration of my clients' life histories, this is what I discovered. ALL CHILDREN HAVE A VITAL, INSTINCTUAL NEED FOR STEADY, JOY-PRODUCING AND SATISFYING CONTACT WITH THEIR MOTHER. They need the excitement and reassurance of happy eye contact, happy touching and holding and a general "vibration" of Mother's pleasure in life to stay open and fully alive.

The free spirit and open heart of an alive and happy Mother is truly the "sunshine" that a young child needs to soak into his/her body, mind and spirit. The basic mood/emotional tone of our Mother is what deeply colors our basic feeling and attitude about Life!

But a depressed Mother- unintentionally and through no fault of her own!- cannot supply this nurturing emotional energy to the degree that it is needed. The deadening effect of her stored-up pain and sadness- the roots of her own depression- makes her emotionally unavailable to her children in two important ways.
First, she cannot meet the child in his/her full happiness, openness and and longing for joyful and satisfying contact. This is because her stored-up sadness tragically prevents her from being happy and excited enough to fully surrender to the bliss of "melting together" in loving contact with her child.

And in addition, because children are "hard-wired" to absorb their parents' "emotional tone" and basic attitudes about life, they will inevitably internalize the sadness of their parents to a significant degree.

A "child of depression" feels alone in a soul-deep way- cut off from the life-giving faith and joy in Mother's heart. Every child needs their inborn happiness to be met, steadily encouraged and mirrored back to them as "valid and right" for their innate well-being to be a stable part of their own emotional foundation. If in an important way the heart of their Mother is sad and "out of reach" a child becomes conditioned to go through life with a sense of unsatisfied longing and loneliness that seems like "just a part of life".

And he/she may become a depressed adult who cannot explain the real, underlying reason for their loss of joy in living.

There are other potent causes of depression. The suppression of any powerful feeling- sadness, anger, fear, sexual excitement and our primal longing for love- eventually deadens us and leads to a state of inner numbness. The corrosive effects of guilt and shame also attack our body and spirit and undermine our energy level and natural optimism.

If you or a loved one is struggling with depression and/or despair, this knowledge of its hidden roots in your early life may be the untouched key to releasing the pain that is haunting you. The burden you may be carrying in your "heart of hearts" is this: the primal longing to meet your Mother, in joy and full-hearted aliveness, that could never be truly fulfilled.

If you are a Mother battling with the current and widespread epidemic of depression I pray that you will remember this- your depression is NOT YOUR FAULT! You- and every single one of us- were born completely open and happy, blissfully free and radiantly alive. We all came to this beautiful world completely equipped to love and be loved, to flourish by "living out loud" as our Authentic Selves. And so I tell you that it is very likely that your own Mother, through no fault of HER own, unintentionally contributed to the sense of loneliness, sadness and despair you are struggling to understand- and heal once and for all!

BY FAR the greatest gift we can ever give ourselves- and our children!- is our own healing and the release of any buried pain and self-defeating conditioning that we carry. And everybody has this! The more we face, feel, express and let go of the totally undeserved burden of our sadness, the more full of joy and life we become and the more able we will be to meet and reinforce our children's innate happiness.

LOTS OF LOVE- BRIAN

See more of Brian's writings here: https://www.facebook.com/brian.schulz.779 [2]