hey everyone

i am 19 years old and was spiritually enlightened when i was 17

during that time i suffered with depression and anger issues because of my past (my mum used to beat me up daily and my father abandoned me). i live with my grandma now who is really supportive for me

she is paying for different qualifications for me because i wish to pursue a career in spirituality and help others, i recently gained my level 1 reiki 

a turning point in my life was when i had a dream about jesus when i was 14 who told that ''everything is going to be fine, you are on the right path''

well i am desperate

i am still depressed. i don't do anything. i have no friends and suicide is a regular thought

i feel as though i am half in the light half in the darkness and i don't know how to get out

even now writing this is making me cry 

can someone please give me some legitimate advice instead of the usual ''you'll grow out of it'' or ''exercise and healthy diet''. seriously, i have been like this since i was 15 and i eat healthily and exercise and i still feel like this

i know i was put here for a purpose (lightworker) but i don't feel like i'm getting any where and i just want to end it all

i guess you could say i am a lost soul that's swayed from their purpose

please, anyone?