Heavenletter #4071 Published on: January 17, 2012

So long as you require other people to be what you believe you need them to be, you will be let down. Love does not come from need. It may feel like love to you, this need you feel, yet love comes from giving, not from need. So long as you are needy for something from a relationship, you are controlling. You are making demands. You are putting pressure on another to be what you are sure they have to be for you. You have a picture of what they are supposed to do for you, and, when they did not fulfill this assigned role, you are sure that they have let you down.

Why does anyone have to be anything for you? It is not for you to seize another's being. You are not their reason for being. It is not for you to put a clamp on others, yet when you think you need something from others, when you feel there is something they must bestow upon you, you are demanding and pressuring them to serve you.

When you need to be built up, you are looking in the wrong place. No one is going to build you up to the extent you desire. No one is going to fill your needs. No one has to. You have to fill your own needs.

No one has to be there for you. The thing is that people will be there for you of their own free will, not your will. You must not exact fulfilment from others. They must have their freedom to choose, and you must give them the freedom that already belongs to them.

If you are needy, that is your problem, not theirs.

Do not keep looking to others to fulfil your needs. They are not your mother or father. They are simple human beings seeking to find their way in a mysterious world. All others have one need that you can be sure of, and that is the need to be free.

You also have the same need to be free, yet you think you need a jumping-off place such as someone else's shoulders. Make your own shoulders broad.

Exact nothing from others. In love, you cannot always be saying, "Gimme. Gimme. Gimme what I cry for."

Let others be a gift to you, and you a gift to them.

You may see yourself as a victim, yet, in your victimhood, you are trying to make another your troubadour.

It comes down to this: No one owes you anything. No one. Not your children. Not your husband. Not your wife. No one is obligated to you. No one has to do what you want. No one has to be what you want. Only you, you do. You have to be what you want to be. And you don't want to cling to others. When you cling, others can only push you away.

You may have been in the position of being clung to. How did you handle it? That is the same way others handle it.

Depend upon yourself, beloved. Be surprised when others offer themselves to you. Do not expect it. Do not demand it. Even when others have done something for you one hundred times, they don't have to do it again. It is not coming to you. You don't own them.

Remember to give without expecting something in return. Expecting is attachment. You are meant to love and not be owed even one sou.

And, yet in the world, in what transpires between two individuals, who knows what silent contract has been written. And, still, there is freedom. Nothing is to be enforced. Nothing is owed. Much can be given, but nothing is owed. All is a gift. It is blessed to give, and it is blessed to receive. It is not blessed to owe, and it is not blessed to be owed to. It is blessed to give.