How do you recognize love: like a canary, a cat, a dog, or a goldfish? And more importantly, how does your mate?
In Andy Andrew's book, The Noticer, he describes four dialects that people use to relate and feel love. He uses a canary to explain the characteristics of those who need quality time with their mate. That is how they understand and therefore express that they love a person. To this person, in order to be happy, they crave quality time alone with their mate; periods of undivided attention, listening to the details of their day, tiher dreams and concerns. A canary says, "Just be with me."
A cat is one who thrives on physical contact. Andrew says, "This can be from a simple pat on the back all the way to the other end of the spectrum, a sexual relationship. A quick back rub, a head scratch, a hug or a kiss. People who speak this dialect of physical contact tend to feel most loved when affection is expressed in this form." A cat says "Touch me."
A puppy dog dialect is the person who feels loved by spoken words of approval, Andrew continues. Tell a puppy dog how wonderful he is and his whole body wags! And praise is the way to teach this person most effectively. And a word of caution, NOTHING is more devastating that words of disapproval...puppies cower as if they are under attack.
What about Goldfish? A goldfish feels love based purely on favors and deeds. You can't really touch them. They don't care if you are there or not, the goldfish just wants you to feed them and clean the bowl. And oh yeah, straighten the castle while your there!"
Of course most of us have times when we can relate and understand the other dialects, but usually ONE of them stands out more to a person than the others. And I've got to remind you....it's one thing to know which you are, but the important point is to understand how your mate is. How does your mate understand it best?
Most of the time, the dialect was learned from their upbringing, watching what their parents did. And just a note, neither way is any better or worse than the others!
He says that "these dialects, when you get good at spotting them, can help you communicate with your kids, your friends, even people you work with. Won't the world be a better place when we understand them all?"
