Monsanto soup

Dear Monsanto:

I got this little ole' spread down here in Texas ya see pardner, and I been a growing corn yousee and I am not ROfL because, well, all my corn srivelled up and I couldn't feed my cattle so I butchered 'em up and well, this here spring I used your products.

First I used your aluminum resistant, mole resistant, ant resistant, boll weevil resistant, all kinda bug resistant, crow resistant applications, and then fertilized it with your GMO cow manure and sweetened it up with some GMO chicken sh*t and added ammonium phosphate and anobiotic androgenous sumpin' sumpin' and then planted some super duper GMO corn seed special coated to turn yellow and sprayed Roundup, and Silvex and lots of Dichlorophenxyacetic phenoxy herbicide (2,4-D) that just one drop of the active ingrediant could kill most of a town so Yup! not one weed came up!

But here is the problem and I need help ASAP.  Can you possibly with a little LOL brew me up a special batch of some H,2-0?  I don't care if you buy it from China because it is so dry down here I am spittin cotton and I am feeling just like the Mexican farmers when the good ole' U.S.A. shut off the Colorado River right at the border.

Here is a good old fashioned recipe for you:  You take some Hydrogen and you mix it with some Oxygen and you stand back.  Now I don't have any Hydrogen but I still got some Oxygen left, wait, I'll check...yeah I'm good, but heck just get your rocket scientists together with your college bred chemists and send me Buckets.  No wait...A Truckload... No, make that a Train Car...I don't care if you use your new-fangle spray jets that are alway flying over making the weather great.  Maybe you are too busy with the NFL or the PGA and I am not the AFL-CIO but I think I should just call up the Regional Area Inter Natural Dancers Activating Restoration Company (R.A.I.N.D.A.N.C.E.) because I already called my Senator, my Representative, my Farm Bureau, my Extention Agent, My Govenor, my President, and the Assistant to the Undersecretary of the Assistant to the Secretary of the Agricultural Assistant Office and Nobody will get me some R-A-I-N!!!