Learning How To Love..AGAIN.

Greetings Lighted Ones!

    While in 3D and oblivious to what's transpiring around me, (some call it "asleep"),  it's difficult (if not non-existant) to love yourself, let alone love someone else, especially if that's your life plan and you didn't even know it.  Here, in my true story, I wish to convey that it IS totally possible to learn how to love yourself again.  Not only that, but it is my intention to give others strength to keep on keeping on no matter what, and that NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE when your life suddenly starts changing for the better.

     I grew up with 2 parents and 7 dysfunctional siblings, 4 brothers and 3 sisters.  Each sibling ran away from home and because I was the youngest of 8, I became the one known as the "outcast" because I decided to stay home and work things out until old enough to either move out or get married.  I graduated high school with great grades but my parents didn't make enough money to send me to college.  So, I got married 2 days after my 18th birthday which lasted 10 years, but that ended in divorce and his suicide.  During and after his passing I went from one low-paying, back-breaking job to the next because quite frankly, shit always happened.  Now, along the way I managed to pay rent and keep the creditors off my back, and when I didn't, I had the occasional repossessions, law suits and 3 bankruptcies.  Most times I had to resort to living with someone just to get by, because with the economy being what it is...terrible, I traveled from one bad relationship to the next until I couldn't help but feel lonely and UNLOVED. 

     Now, I'm in my mid-fifties and feeling it, still in a shitty relationship that has lasted 12 years and is getting more difficult to maintain, and for some strange reason, jobs, (even ones I'm over qualified for), I can't get because of one reason or the next. The dysfunctional relationship I'm currently in gets more abusive, controlling and down-right sucktified as I ended up gaining almost 100 lbs due to staying cooped-up in a mobile home because of not only my low self esteem, but feeling downright...unloved.

     But, here's the good news.  Down that past winding road, say 12 years back, I managed to get a wake up call, called the kundalini!  Shoot!  Back then I didn't have a clue what had happened to me because I wasn't  spiritual.  I had no idea what it was and what it supposedly did to my body.  So, I began my "personal" secret quest to find the answers to all of my tough questions piling up in my head. 

     12 years I stayed connected to my computer, learning all I could about this and that and everything else in between.  I read articles, stories, e-books, blogs, channeled messages, videos, t.v. programs, talk radio shows, joined spiritual groups, chats, you name it.  Along the way I've read over and over again the question "How can you expect to love others if you can't love yourself?". That's when I learned that I had to dig deeper within myself.  Throughout my studies of Ascension and Spirituality, I came across a term called "The Law of Attraction" by Abraham/Hicks.  I come to learn that it my ME who was sabotaging my life with alittle bit of help from karma and my life plan. And it was ME and no one else who was going to turn my life around for the better.  So, I made some changes, although the ascension process did alot of the internal work for me.  After menopause at 45, I became celibate (my boyfriend hates that!), and my thinking, my habits, my body and well, my entire life is changing right before my eyes.  Day after day, more and more the Light energies are helping me remember how much I love myself and others.  It's important to BE balanced, so I walk 2 miles twice a day and went on my own diet plan which I call "S.C.A.T.", which is No Sugar, No Caffeine, No Alcohol, and No Tobacco.  That was a difficult change, because I abused them all.  With no bathroom scale, I figure I've lost probably 50 to 60 lbs so far in about 2 to 3 months time. As for my mind, I've learned about karma and how to clear the negatives of my past and present life so that I can become more Enlighted and Lighter.  Yet, the hardest lesson STILL is learning HOW to love myself again.  Especially since I'm still in a controlling relationship that sucks BIG TIME!

      Learning how to love, I feel, is a process.  At least, it is for me.  I have learned that I have to rise above all drama, don't participate.  All the negative in my life, let it go forever.  BE Kind, Act and BE  Lovingly, and  treat others with respect.  This is how I've been living my life these last few months.  I've listened more than I've talked and have become more wise for it.

     A couple of weeks ago, I read this channeled message and it said to watch for doors opening along with sychronicity.  So, the next morning after reading that message,  a lady named Helen, who I see occasionally as I'm out and about walking, stops me and asks me if I'd stop in to visit her very ill sister, Theresa, while she goes out of town for a few days.  I said "of course, I'd love to."  Then, I thought to myself, is this MY door?

     (In my past present years, one of my heart desires and dreams is to be able to heal others through touch and prayer.  And now I can admit that there have been times when I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I have in the past healed a couple of my cats and a squirrel.  (That's another story in itself!  lol.)  Also, I met a man many months ago who had very bad body twitches and stuttered speech.  I hugged him and prayed that he be healed, and a couple weeks later found that he had been healed of all afflictions!  Yet, I still struggled with loving myself and hoovering doubt, so I didn't really know for sure if I healed him or not.)

     Back to the story.  On the 3rd night of visiting Theresa on my way back from my  walk, I went to her home..no answer.  I banged on all her windows and her door, still no answer.  The yellow flies were eating me up, and there was no spare key that I knew of.  I went to the neighbor and asked if she had a key.  Nope.  So I walked back home where Helen had left me a note with two phone #'s, just in case.  I called both numbers, no answer but left messages.  I thought, what's left to do?  So, I called the cops to meet me at the entrance of her circled neighborhood.  When I arrived at the meeting place, I noticed that Helen had returned and was in the driveway.  I walked up, knocked and Helen had come to the door and told me that Theresa had gone into seizure and was running a temp of 105.  I told Helen about the cops coming, but I assured her that I could detour them away.  She said thank you, gave me a hug and  shut the door quickly.  With everything back under control, I walked back home.  I then started doubting myself again thinking maybe this wasn't my door.

     Oddly enough, when I got home, I didn't feel as "stressed" about it all as I thought I'd normally would.  I took a shower, turned on the tv and started to relax when Helen drove up.  I opened the door and she said that she had to go home to fix dinner for her husband and asked if I would stay with Theresa until she returned.  Even though I thought the request to be alittle odd, I said "Sure.  Not a problem.  Let me change and I'll be there shortly."  I walked back to Theresa's, and upon arriving (and given instructions of where the spare key was), I walked into the bedroom where she was laying.  She was still seizuring and running a very high temp.  As I put a cool cloth on her forehead, I thought to myself, this has got to be my door!  If I'm going to be able to heal this woman, I'd better do it NOW or I may not get another chance.

     I noticed that there was a large tray near her bed that prevented me from hugging her, so I had to climb in bed with her from the other side.  I grabbed her, hugged her and said a prayer.  Just as I got up out of her bed Helen showed up.  We talked alittle and come to find out that she never did receive the calls I made to her earlier.   How she knew to get home at that precise time had to be our loving angels at work.  Bless them.

    This all happened almost 2 weeks ago.  The other day, I was out walking and stopped in to check on Miss Theresa.  I Am happy to announce that she is up and walking around.  She says she feels so much better.  After chatting with her awhile, she doesn't remember our hug.  But, hey, that's okay.  I've been walking around with a HUGE smile on my face ever since.  That experience gave me something that I dearly needed, and that was self-esteem and persistence to make it happen!!!

     Like I said, it's a process, Dear Ones.  All it takes is a mixture of Love, Light and Compassion to give yourself a dose of confidence to love another being SO MUCH that it opens the eyes to realize just how much I do love myself, the angels, the unseens, our star family, and our Creator for giving me this opportunity to really live life.

     NOW, in my heart, I have a purpose in my life.  My life is changing right before my eyes and I Am becoming a dream come true just like a fairy tale!  How excitedly blessed I AM.

With Love, Light and Compassion to you all.

I AM d'tewa (healer)

P.S.  To FatherMotherGod:  I thank you for the comment.  I love you.  I have to admit I clicked on the wrong button which got this blog out before I was done.  Hope you enjoy the full story.