I have been going through the ascension process for over a year now and it's been dizzying, terrifying, breathtaking and overall insane. I have spent this time opening up to my gifts, giving in to who I am and what I am trying to do. But I'm so scared. I am on that final strip, the dive into surrender. The problems I have always faced are inside me. I have horrible confidence issues. I want to become that divine instrument, be a co-creator, travel to speak with the Galactic Council and be who I am destined to be.
But I just don't know what to do. I want to believe in myself, I want to feel that I deserve to heal and be here and be one with the Universe. I want to sell my artwork and jewelry, learn everything that interests me, spend my whole life traveling and healing the world. But I constantly feel as though I'm not good enough, that I don't deserve to do these things. The Creator doesn't speak to me, all I feel is a sense that he expects me to do it and to give up on fear otherwise he will not give me what I ask for. I do not say that as a self-defeating sense, it is something that I see and feel.
How do I change my inside? How do I let myself be confident and get a job, have the inspiration and motivation to do and sell my artwork? How do I let go of the expectations of my parents and just let myself be who I want to be? - There's something in me that knows but I am blocking the doorway and I am so afraid.
