Sunday was a good day. I meditated. I rested. I did puzzles. I did a little bit of laundry. Life is good. Nothing particularly out of the ordinary happened for me that day. Although, I am learning a new definition of ordinary each day, so that might be a bad statement. Nothing spiritually significant happened to me that day. I am not complaning. It was a good, restful day. I suppose I would say that I was more in touch with my emotions. I got to thinking about Christmas one year when my dad got my sister and I each a pellet gun. We were not too excited about them. My next present was a gift that my mom picked out - a book about Josh Hartnett. (My teenage years... yes). I freaked out and was super excited. My Dad's feeling were hurt. I felt that again. I cried. I released. I forgive.
Monday morning, I woke up around 4:00 feeling like I was going to get sick. I sat up and ran to the bathroom definitely thinking that I wasn't going to make it. But, by the time I got to the bathroom the feeling had passed. I sat on the floor for a few minutes, just to make sure but it was gone. I went back to bed and fell asleep.
When I woke up a few hours later to get around for work, I felt... not okay. Tired, icky, bogged down... something along those lines. I went in that morning and ended up deciding to take the afternoon off.
I left work close to 1:00 came home where my babies were waiting for me in bed. :) Josh and our dogs, Tonks and Snatch, all snuggling waiting for me to join. Of course, I did. I crawled in between Josh and Tonks and boy I felt good. There was so much LOVE! in that room. I was cradled in a cocoon of Love and I knew everything was perfect. And it was going to stay perfect.
I don't know that I actually ever fell asleep but it was a wonderful rest. Once I laid down I kind of just bathed in the energies wondering to myself... why I ever felt worried? Alone? Stressed? Unhappy? 4 LittAngry? I felt silly for ever feeling those emotions. Then, I started seeing things.
Everything was black at first, then I saw my "soul". The best I can describe is would be a little blob of light. It wasn't flickering or anything, but I don't want to say it was completely solid. It was oval shaped. Kind of like a grain of rice, just enlarged a little bit. Anyway, there was my soul, sitting in the dark, feeling lonely and scared and sad. Then 3 other little souls appeared too. I felt like it was Josh, Tonks and Snatch. They "told me" (without speaking) that I wasn't alone. I was never alone. I will never be alone. And man, the Love in that room just kind of exploded then. There were swirling colors and shapes - kind of like looking through a kaleidoscope - and us 4 little souls just started dancing around in a circle together. It was grand.
It clicked then. I'm never alone. We're all the same. We're all one even though we look different on the outside. Those 4 little souls helped me to realize that even though the paths we take are different, at our core level we're all really working toward the same things - Love, peace, harmony, joy, bliss, nirvana. Whatever you want to call it, I felt it then. In an instant I was everything that was in the Universe. One second I was a platypus swimming in a river. The next second I was a hummingbird flitting through the jungle. In the next, I was a pair of dolphins swimming downstream. Then my perspective shifted. I was floating in space watching our 4 snuggling souls. I watched as Gaia came up and hugged us. I watched as the Sun smiled down on us. I felt my Self smiling down on myself and in an instant the images disappeared, but I was left with the lingering feeling of serenity. It was an experience I'll never forget.
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I had just gotten a DUI in 2006 for sleeping in the back of my car at a bar because I knew I was to drunk to drive. I was felling really down on my self and started to talk to God like I always have but this time, I was listening and talking back instead of the normal please God can you do this and please God forgive me for that and God I love you forgive me for being selfish ol me. This was the first time God talk to me in a wile or maybe it was the first time I listened in a long while. Anyways he said "my name" I'm going to strike you down with cancer. I immediately was filled with a felling of dread I sat at my desk in my corner cubical and started to pray "please God I'm weak I cant stop drinking and smoking please don't kill me now I am a single parent "my son" has already lost his mother and I don't want to die".I thought that that day I would be smoted. I had this sudden burst of knowledge then and realized that his word was true unless I changed that day then he could change his mine and I would live. Well after a few months went buy and he had answered all my many prayers of my DUI. Which could have ruined my life instead I got off scot free because he loves me. Well then one night after my son was sleeping I started to think after several drinks 'I do most of my stupid thinking then'. I started to feel sorry for my self saying "God why cant I find someone like my first wife?" "Do you want me to be alone?" "Who can you possibly bring me I'm the biggest sinner and most unworthy person I know so I need a very spiritual drunk looser that is a winner like me to be able to relate." I'm the last unicorn trying to find me. I was sitting in my very small kitchen on the counter with my feet spread over to the other counter to hold me up. That's when I heard him like a megaphone in my skull. "He said that if you didn't quit I will strike you down you cancer!" I was mowing down my usual pack of Marlboros when I drank. I smoke about 3 packs a week but when I drink I smoke 3 packs in a night..At that point I then became very angry and stood up and started to yell out load to the ceiling. " Your this great and almighty GOD!" "Then you know me!""I'M WEAK" "I've tried and tried. I'm a damn sinner I cant quit!!!!!!!!!" "Are you just going to kill me like I'm some bug under your magnifying glass?" " You keep telling me your going to kill me and take me away from my son!?"." You don't think I'm trying damn it?" "I'm weak I cant do it.Your so great and powerful why wont you heklp?" "How about a little help?" "Take away my desire to smoke!" I felt so tired after yelling like a mad man at my ceiling for about 5 minuets I looked at the microwave and thought it's time for bed the time was 11:11. I went to sleep got up for work and got on with my life. I started to try to quit again 'it's easy during the week I'm not drinking'. Well it was wendsday and I got this cough. It got worse and worse I called in Friday. On Monday I could barley breath I called in again and went to the hospital after I droped my son off at school. I went to the hospital because I never go to the doctor and I diden't have a regular one who knew me. I just had a hospital visit here and there over the last 30 years.I did not have a Doctor but I did have kick ass insurance the kind every doctor wants. I went in got the red carpet treatmeant they saw me in about 20mins. They put me on a nebulizer and the doctor told me I had pneumonia. I was in the hospital for a couple of days. I was in bed while my parents took care of my kid for almost 2 weeks.I finely recoverved and was able to go back to work. I worked for a couple of weeks and thought "I desire a treat". I picked up a 12 pack of beer bought a pack of smokes and started to pound them down. I sent my son to bed and got in about 8 beers before I opened my pack of smokes. I went in to the kitchen sat down on the counter propped my feet up on the other side. I put the smoke in my mouth and flicked my bic. As I was lighting my smoke. I looked down it like looking down the barrel of a gun. Down that long long cigarette threw the lighter flame there was huge blue glowing numbers staring right back at me like a billboard on the highway saying"11:11". Just then like a fire alarm going off I heard some one talking, well more like yelling. I heard" HOW DARE YOU!!". "HOW DARE YOU!" It's sounded very similar to the tone I took with God just a few weeks before. Infact this was the first time I even thought about God since yelling at him. I had forgot the whole thing. When I saw 11:11 I remembered it like it had just happened. I mean for God sakes I was sitting in the exact same spot when we had this conversation the first time. I heard "YOU WHINNY BRAT". "YOU SELFISH SISSY" "HOW DARE YOU!" " YOU YELL AT ME CRYING 'I'm soo weak!!.' 'I need help.' 'I need you to do it for me."THEN AFTER I MAKE YOU QUIT SMOKING CAUSE I LOVE YOUR .....I felt this but he did not say it."DUMB ASS".................... "YOU HAVE ENOUGH GULL TO START AGAIN?" "HOW DARE YOU!!!!" I immediately fell to my knees and cried. I cried like a baby. I begged God please forgive me. "I'm just a child to you oh lord but I love you!" "I'm sorry God." I cried and cried. I when up stairs and fell in to bed and cried my self to sleep. I was a 34 year old man. I've seen allot of things by then. I had not cried since my dad died when I was 23. I cried and cried till I fell to sleep. I woke up really late that Saturday because it was over cast and, somehow my son was not awake yet. I raised my head and looked at the clock and it was 11:11. Since then every time I feel God is telling me something I look at the clock and it's always 11:11. When I'm right,when I'm wrong, when I'm happy. when I'm sad, any time I feel deep emotion and think of God there it is again and again. 11:11. It's been that way for the last 6 years. So theres my whole story. I have never told anyone but I felt the need to share. I did not make any of this up it's all true. I looked up 11:11 and I foung this site.
thanks
Pickles
Pickles, I'm glad you found
Pickles,
I'm glad you found this page. God always knows what is best, and I am trying to tune into his wisdom more often. I've had whispers in my ear, shouts and gentle nudges. I hope your journey is blessed and thank you for sharing your story. I am just getting into Numerology and it's fascinating to me. That's great that you are able to tune into God so often.
Love & Light