An Eyelid Slowly Awakens to Dawn
June 5, 2012
Your own frequency, tone, mathematical equation and vibration says it all, and you can’t tinker with that. You just ARE who you are. I learned that we are here to learn how to Love, Divinely. And to become Masters of ourselves. To nail down our own lower natures and to Raise up within ourselves our own Highest Self. We are all working toward Oneness again.
We were traveling upward, I suppose. My own vibration was changing. There was a big change in frequency. Like I was tuning into a different radio station on a grand scale. I was out in the Universe, and I was being given a kind of show. Like having an astronomy teacher speak on the beauty of the Universe while laying under the stars at night. But I was out there amidst them.
And this part seems to have been made foggy for me since my return, but I remember vaguely that during this scene, I saw something like holographic words and numbers move in front of me past the stars… and it felt like I was being downloaded with information. I felt at that time that I understood EVERYTHING. That I felt the full truth of Laws and Order in the Universe. One thing that I held onto was the beautiful MATH of the Universe. I remember coming to understand that there was an supreme and perfect kind of MATH that was in and of ALL things that existed. I remember being told something about Einstein! I was so excited. It was such a pleasant experience. I was also shown how there is a kind of clock-work in the sky. How the stars themselves actually hold a sort of map or mathematical Key to everything that is! “You are written in the stars,” I was told! EVERYTHING is! I recall how THRILLING this part of my NDE was for me.
I was also told that this map in the stars.. the keys that are hidden there have been known for a long time, and that these things have been sorely corrupted and turned into things of ill purpose in most cases on our planet.
All of my life, I had felt confusion and dismay at what I believed was “lack of order.” When I saw suffering that I deemed, “unnecessary,” or sadness, …or anything that I couldn’t make sense of, I’d been riddled with a painful impression of “Chaos.” I was flabbergasted that the God I so fervently believed in, and was taught to trust, could do no better than what I beheld in my every day life. It tore at my soul and I prayed daily and sometimes for hours and hours, begging for an answer that could provide some kind of a reckoning.
I’d been taught in my life that we had ONE life to live (I’d never even considered reincarnation), and that some people get to have the most incredible luxury and wonders that anyone could imagine, and others are “tested” because of their “valiant spirits” and have to deal with terrible miseries to “prove their strength”.. while still others.. like small children all over the world, are born to suffer through starvation and disease, rape, mutilation, even years and years of torture, only to die and then “get their just reward.” This didn’t seem like much of a “test” to me. It just seemed insane. I couldn’t make logic of it. When I begged religious leaders for answers, I was told that “sometimes God let’s wicked people torture good people so that He can punish the wicked for their deeds… otherwise, He couldn’t punish them for anything.” The whole system just seemed sick to me. I couldn’t completely respect this notion.
In my NDE though, I came to understand that most of us have lived much, MUCH longer than we could even fathom. That our lives that feel so very long are infinitesimal when placed in the Whole picture… which for that matter, cannot even be framed. I was shown how every single individual through their own free will chooses paths that MATHEMATICALLY take them to the circumstances of their next existence or life. That NOTHING at all sits in accident or chaos. That every single aspect of our lives are ruled by NATURAL Laws that we placed ourSELVES in! That in a sense, we create our own worlds. I was shown how one can never assume either, that if someone lives a life of suffering that this is because of “evil” deeds. Many may CHOOSE a life of suffering because of what it Awakens in them.. or to help another, etc.. We can NEVER EVER assume that we can be accurate in guessing why each Being lives the life they live. I cannot describe the relief… the refreshing, peaceful balm this Knowledge was for me. To finally gather this Truth that I’d yearned for all of my life… That all IS Good! That there IS sense and beauty all around. That no one is just “free-falling” as it had seemed before! That God doesn’t just get to toy with us as He pleases with random ideas of tests, including rewards and punishments that just depend upon His current mood or mindset. While in this experience, out in the vast expanse of stars and planets, moons, and Knowledge, I Knew complete Trust for what felt like the first time. This was bliss for me. I had lived in fear and distrust and panic for 30 consecutive years.
I want to add that in my life, I have always had a mental block when it came to math. Even the simplest math ideas, starting from the time I was only six years old were difficult for me to approach. I would shut down when anything with numbers was presented to me. So, in my NDE, while being shown such an enormous array of gorgeous mathematical equations and facts… and visual numerical splendor, I was overjoyed at my own ability to thoroughly comprehend all of it. Unfortunately, at my return, I was discouraged to find that I could not relay or bring with me the expansive amount of math understanding and knowledge I’d been so anxious to share with others. I was and still am, in love with numbers. That was a big leap forward!
I was also brought before what appeared to be a living picture of our planet. While I was looking at it, I saw a word above it. I believe it was something like, “Novate” or “Novata” or “Novato.” One of those three. Then the whole planet seemed to open up, like an eyelid that slowly awakens to dawn. It looked to be one eye opening up. There was a lovely, soft woman’s voice who spoke the days of the week in a different language, and then said, “Prepare for the Seventh Day.” At this, I saw the curious visual of a piano.
The next thing I remember is traveling quickly over the Earth. It felt very surreal while doing so. It almost seemed that I was being shown a movie.. and yet the movie seemed alive. Like flying over a panoramic movie of a live scene on earth. I believe they have a ride like this at Disneyland.
I have lost much of what I saw, but I held onto the main idea of what I was being told while moving over the planet.. or rather having a movie OF the planet being shown before me…. There were fields of crops all over, in specific. As I would zoom in and get close, for instance, to a field of wheat, I would be told, “This has been poisoned. The food has been altered and poisoned. It is no longer pure. The people are consuming impure food. This is death.” I felt sad and concerned about this and wondered why… or how it was possible. How could a field of wheat or corn be “poisoned”… and WHY?! I was told that man should return to the Earth or death would ensue everywhere. It was said again and again during this scene to “Return to the Earth.” I was told that upon my return, that I should look for pure food, unadulterated.. and only consume that which is “clean,” but I dismissed this somewhat, because I had no intention of returning.
My Guide stood by at a certain time (It is very difficult for me to place any of this in chronological order, as time felt so different there. It was almost as if many things happened at once, and yet separately. So there are parts of this experience, I can’t honestly place in any order.) and he lovingly stayed as my support while I had a kind of life review. I never felt chastised at all, even though I know I’ve been very cruel at times and have hurt many people. I’ve lost my temper in horrible ways and I have had great trouble with forgiveness, and yet, I felt only Love and understanding through the entire life review. What it felt like to me was that I was being given the opportunity and Gift of being able to stand back and more fully understand and love myself. I was able to feel exactly what others around me had felt during my life. I understood how everything I did and said and even thought had touched others around me in one way or another. I was able to even enter the minds and emotional centers of many who had been around me, and understand where they were coming from in their own thinking.. how their own personal views and lives’ experiences had brought them to the places each stood. I felt their own struggling and their own fears… their own desperate need for love and approval.. and more than anything, I could feel how child-like everyone was. With every person I viewed, including myself, I was able to See and Feel with a Higher Mind and Eye. And the feeling I had toward everyone was nothing less than what a loving mother would feel for her own children at toddler age.
It was actually comical at moments. I could feel how the “Elders” as I will call them (these are those who are Helpers on the Other Side.. who have Mastered themselves in many or all ways, and help work with us.) see us and find so much humor in the way we do things. It might seem brutally annoying to consider when we are in the midst of a great argument or drama that is playing out in our lives, that the Elders view these things very much like when a mother sees her two year old scream and cry and bop another child on the head with a stuffed animal. The mother doesn’t want her child to “fall apart” and become hysterical and cry. She feels for her child, but at the same time, she sees a little bit of comedy in how seriously the child takes what is usually a trivial drama. She continues to love her child and thinks the world of it, hoping it will go on enjoying the day, living and learning.
This was a big light bulb moment for me, because I had entertained the dark idea, during my life, that every little less than perfect action of mine, was being watched “by God,” and judged with anger or great sadness. I felt constant guilt for my mistakes and belabored over the dread of “being watched” with severe or at least very stern eyes. I wanted to please, and I believed that I was so often falling short. This had been a maddening way to live. So getting the chance to View others from a much Higher Frequency, was wonderful, to say the least. And Knowing how much Love I felt as I watched or sensed others’ in their personal situations, made me want to live more in joy rather than guilt and worry. No one was mad at me.
I was able to explore the mind or energetic pattern of one of my life’s sworn enemies, -someone I couldn’t imagine forgiving for what I’d witnessed. And yet, coming back from my NDE, I could feel nothing more than such a flood of Love for this woman that I dived in at the chance to write her a letter and tell her how much I loved her, and to ask for forgiveness for the energetic weight I might have held over her from my own dark thoughts and anger. She could have been my own firstborn. That is how much I adored her at that time. Because I was able to feel the Divine Love for her that the Essence that ‘God’ is, feels toward her, I too, couldn’t help but Love her in a similar way. It was such a surprisingly marvelous feeling to relinquish the burden of my own anger and judgments. -Much of which I hadn’t even carried, consciously most of my years.
Surveying all of this, I want to note, that I felt a Higher part of me that had compassion on the ME that was so ignorant and juvenile. It seemed to understand what I was working with, in every detail, and it only wanted for my joy. I felt that toward my own SELF, if that makes any sense. I desired to have my lower self Awaken, and to be filled with Love and Joy. I wanted for my lower, child-like self to be kinder, to be more Conscious, and to find Peace.
I am forever grateful for my Life Review and what I took from it.
I did not have an experience of seeing ‘God’ as an “old man in a big white robe, sitting on a throne,” although, that was the most prominent image I might have held in my mind, formerly. At NDE, ‘God’ was the Mind, or maybe I’d say, “The Order” in all things.. ‘God’ felt to be the Supreme Highest Vibration and Frequency, that felt like more of an ESSENCE than an old man, to me. It was all around and in everything. And ‘God’ no longer felt male to me. I didn’t sense a gender, if there was one. The idea of that just seemed silly to from the Other Side. God was just all that is beautiful and peaceful and One, and all that is Good. And everything DID feel so good to me, there. In fact, I came back with this Knowing that despite what SEEMED “good” or “bad” before… it now became united to be only, “Good.” Because I trusted and Knew that everything was in it’s right place… even when people made decisions that I didn’t agree with myself, I still felt that in the overall picture, it was ALL “Good.” I had this Knowing as well, that there was the essence or spark of the Highest (as I’ll refer to ‘God’) in EVERYTHING. In every mineral, vegetable, animal and human and beyond… I just Knew that the Highest waited within everything to expand and create and grow and experience. I lost all desire to analyze everything in life, as I’d done before through religious examples, by trying to judge everything little thing as being either “good” or “bad.” I wasn’t concerned. We are all just consciousness experiencing life, and learning how to love, create, and develop to the Highest we can be. I knew to choose what felt right for me and to trust more. That when something felt unjust or imbalanced, to do what I could to work toward harmony, but to not worry about that which I had no control over. I know that eventually, even without our taking over the controls, the Universe is so full of Order, it always finds a way to Balance everything, because the Universe cannot exist without perfect Balance. And it will continue to exist.
I had never understood the all-encompassing monster of misery that my “Duality” way of thinking was in my life until my NDE If someone had walked up to me before my NDE and had asked me if my “duality” way of thinking was tiring and miserable for me, I would have been utterly confused and unable to agree with the statement or even make sense of it. I had never been aware of how my mind had always tried to label or judge in one way or another everything I came across. Even if in ways I thought of as “good,” for example, “She’s the nicest..” or “He’s this or that..” or “That backyard is the prettiest one, etc.” It was me judging one thing as better than another. Dual-thinking.
Since coming back from the NDE, I find that in my earthly body and mind, this tendency still comes up occasionally, but not as often, and I am much more conscious of when I am doing it. It no longer appeals to me. I don’t feel the need.
I was able to move around the planet and feel different continents, countries, races, even certain smaller states, cities, and people! Each held it’s own kind of personal vibration and energetic pattern. I learned how we are each made up of so many DIFFERENT or various layers of energetic influence. This was fascinating to me! Each race, each country, even a state, each family, in a way is like one organism. Connected to all, but with an influence of it’s very own and very important purposes. Each is sacred and vital.
While with my Guide, I was shown many planets and also some moons. I saw one planet or moon that appeared to be partially submerged in WATER! There are no words for how beautiful these scenes were. The colors were so vibrant and rich. I especially loved the hue of blues that I saw.
Finally, the planet Earth pulled up in front of me.. or maybe we pulled up in front of it! It was magnificent! It was a floating marble, just swimming with color. I was ecstatic with awe.
