Here you are, reaching a stage in your life where you are a capable and respected adult in your world, and you are in charge of the many aspects of your life. However, one of the things that still keeps you in your past, and feeling like you did when you were a child, are your old relationships.
You find yourself going through each of your days, feeling good about who you are and what you do, and feeling in charge. Yet, there are those moments when you go back in time. You meet a relative or an old friend, and the whole image about your life crumbles to the ground in just a few seconds. You stand in front of this person, who for some reason is able to completely shatter your self-image, and you may feel small or helpless like a child around a perilous situation.
Maybe in your mind you didn't understand who this person was from the very beginning. Maybe you never really understood who you are either. But maybe, maybe this old dynamic that plays out in this relationship is just something that has come to a peak, and you are finally grasping that no matter how it makes you feel, you are ready to deal with it. Can you feel this?
Just think of this one individual in your life that no matter how much you change, or how much you see your life progress, somehow you end up feeling like the old you around him or her.
Remember to breathe as you think about this person, and just feel what is coming up into your awareness. A lot of wounded feelings are coming up, no? Yes, there is sorrow, maybe anger, there is fear, and who knows, maybe even some denial, too. It's hard to look at this relationship, and not feel like somehow you've failed. But please, continue to feel without necessarily changing anything, or doing something. It's important to acknowledge your feelings, without getting overwhelmed by them. Just be aware of them.
Once your feelings are clear to you, please understand that even though there is a lot of wounding, you also feel love for this person. No matter how bad they make you feel, your loyalty to this person comes from love, and not just because you have a shared past. And the love is the reason why you feel bad. You care about this person, and you understand what he is doing, and yet you still love him.
So what to do? Now is the time to shift your perspective a little. Have you ever wondered why YOU don't feel the need to make him feel bad? Have you wondered why you continue to have a relationship with this person, knowing that you really don't have much in common? If you tell yourself that it's because of the shared past, or because of the shared family ties, you are not looking close enough.
In the case of any other person who would behave the way this person has done, you would probably never want to see him again in your life. And the probability is that you will not see that person again. Ever. Yet, it's not the same in the case of the person we are talking about here.
Now, the question is: do you really need this reminder? Or is it time to change your relationship with yourself, and with the person who reminds you constantly of the past. Are you ready to be really honest with yourself? If you are, the steps are simple, yet profound. Not easy, however they are simple.
1. First you acknowledge that you are ready.
2. Second, you understand that you are looking at your past.
3. Then, you will have to look honestly at yourself, and see yourself as you are. With both your qualities and your faults. Look at them honestly, and don't overlook any of them.
4. Next, look at the person who has served as a reminder throughout your life, of that frightened part of you. Be willing to see this person for who he is. Allow that real person behind the mask to be revealed to you.
5. This next step is about acknowledging the lies that you've been telling yourself around this relationship. Be honest, and don't cheat. Have you been hiding behind a facade, and not acknowledging your true feelings about this person? Now it's the time to be aware.
6. Next you need to take back your own energies. Whatever you have given of yourself that doesn't belong in the relationship that you are facing right now, needs to come back to you. Now!
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