Reaching out and sharing your experiences

In my mid 20's, 1995ish, I picked up a book by Raymond Moody on near death experiences, and that is where my journey began.  I suddenly became fascinated with after death experiences, ghosts, and the world of spirit in general.  I felt myself compelled to explore everything that had to do with "new age" spirituality and I must have read a thousand books on these subjects over the past 20 years.  This became my passion where each exploration opened me up to more questions I had to find answers to.  My curiosity could not be quelled and over time, my readings and contemplation thereof shaped my belief system.  Coming from a family of both Christians and atheists, I found little support with my endeavors and have felt like a loner most of my adult life.  Whenever I try to discuss my discoveries and ideas, my words fall on deaf ears and closed minds.  My family and friends characterize me as flaky and nuts.  The thing is, I feel so attracted to the subjects I explore, that I can't stop even when those close to me can't support me on this.  I began reading channeled works about 7 years ago when I picked up a "Sedona" magazine and the information I garnered from channeling was so fresh and connected to the "other side", that I was immediately hooked.  So, just as a side note, I wasn't into following  conspiracy theorists (which I have now renamed truth-seekers) until the last week of April 2012 when I would say I awoke with a BANG! 

     I was having some personal issues over the past couple of years, and my channeling followings kind of fell off for a while.  At the time, Lisa Renee was my favorite, so I would still check in with her monthly's.  Somehow, when I was reading Lisa Renee's latest April 2012 channeling, I was led to Wes Annac's website and channelings which literally opened me up to the whole subject of Ascension and the year 2012.  Sure, I had read about ascension plenty of times, but my philosophy thus far on the subject was that our world would slowly, at the pace of evolution, get lighter and brighter spiritually speaking over the course of the new 26,000 year cycle.  Wes Annanc channeled some very specific information regarding our world which kind of blew me away.  He talked about something called "disclosure" and "mass arrests", both of which were about to occur and he said that this would go public and absolutely blow the tops off all of our heads sending most of the human population into Ascension and leading  Earth and the people into the New World.  Wes Annac's channeling felt very clear and heart centered to me and I felt very inclined to believe him.  This is where this freaking far out- exciting journey became conscious in me.  I began following some of the other channelers that were posted on Wes's site, some of whom I was familiar with from the "Sedona" mag, and discovered that they were all saying the same, very specific, things.  In my experience, channelings are practically never so specific about what exactly is going to happen b/c predictions are not really kosher in the world of channelings.  Before, when I read channelings, it was spirituality and after-death existence that I sought to study.  E.T.'s, UFO's, dark cabals, free energy, mass arrests, and disclosure were new subject matter for me.  I crawled down that rabbit hole with a furver I had not ever known in myself before.  I began to explore these subjects with such passion, that I started to set my alarm  earlier so I could get as much reading in before work as possible.  Anything that distracted me from my readings and contemplations became huge annoyances to me.  I found that I had incredibly high energy and internal excitement.  I could barely eat and when I did I was attracted to fruit and veges like never before.  I didn't want sweets or meats or red wine or anything that lowered my vibration.  I questioned myself constantly as to whether I was having some kind of Spring mania.  I found that I couldn't tolerate being around most people.  Somehow their energies distracted me negatively and I wanted to be alone most of the time just so I could feel energetically comfortable, (story of my life actually).  I began exploring alternative new's sites to get to the bottom of this whole illuminati/cabal thing.  As the truth came pouring in, I AWOKE.  About 3 weeks in, I felt something surge through my spine that literally made my body dance in a wavelike rhythm that kind of scared me a little.The high I was on lasted through June, but then as each proposed date for mass arrests and disclosure past, my enthusiasm dwindled.  Now, I'm not saying I stopped following this "story" or that I stopped believing, but I guess one can maintain that level of enthusiasm for only so long.  It's a shame, because I felt that my vibration soured so high in May and June but has now dropped somewhat.  I so very much want to be a part of and support this process on our world.  I want to help Gaia ascend.  I want to ascend.  But here we are now in the middle of September, and I feel so blah.  God/Goddess, I love you and I pray for this dream to come true.  But maybe my family was right all along.  Maybe I am just coocoo for cocoa puffs after all.  My heart tells me differently though. I hope.