Lightworkers World
http://www.lightworkersworld.com
By Sheila Saunders
I have been through various stages/cycles of conscious awakening since I was a child. Ever since I can remember I had the sense that I have come here to help my fellow man, often praying for God to put things in my path for me to do, to tell me what the heck I came here to do. This longing was frustrated by a precarious self-esteem and the sense that there were many veils to wander through before I would find the answers to my deepest questions. So too did I wonder if I had in me the strength or backbone to live what those answers might ask of me in turn.
As many of us have experienced, after initial euphoric, soaring moments of bliss, glimmers of awareness, that almost remembering.. I would time and again fall into a sad soul sleep, overcome with old momentums, personal dramas and the magnetism of the world – and perhaps in part because I held those pearls with egoic pride. I thought I was so humble, but in those times of awakening,while experiencing a heightened love on the one hand, so too did I think myself ‘special’ that these insights and spiritual gifts had come to me, that I was ‘called’.
I did not yet know that awareness does not live in a lofty perch. It is squarely at eye level with our brothers and sisters, and abides in our Oneness. Tromping about in ego’s heavy boots, my senses would time and again seek the quick buzz, my emotions new karmic tangos and tangles, until before I knew it I’d toppled off the mountain once more.
Still the soul is never stagnant and even on the lower roads I grew, and touching the hot stove a time too many here and there, on occasion I learned a thing or two that stuck. And blessedly I was ever finding gifts in the wake of suffering. And so I climbed in that two steps forward, one back sort of way, all the while carrying in my pack a familiar pain, sometimes sharp, sometimes dull, a pain that has always been with me, that was the sense of my having a mission here, something I was meant to do, that God was waiting for me to get my act together for… Something – though I knew not what it was. It troubled me that I could not seem to get a clearer picture as to what it was, or a surer footing, a stronger momentum that no character defect or manipulation of the not-self could turn back. I felt like the clock was ticking.
I am astonished now at how many of the things I experienced and felt in my life are on that oft circulated list of 51 (or on another site 52) Ascension or Awakening symptoms. Most therein – spiritual, emotional, mental and physical - I have through my life experienced or am presently experiencing. So much makes sense now. Puzzle pieces pocketed along the way have in recent months spilled out before me and assembled themselves.
This past two years, a new shift was happening within me that announced itself at first by major external changes in my life. I left a marriage, my job of fourteen years, went back to college, and at age age 50 began a new career doing my sacred labor. I went through one more very karmic relationship last year and after extricating myself from it in January, soon after sensed the rumblings of a seismic internal shift about to happen within me. Early this past summer, I felt a growing sense of anticipation – and wow did the Universe deliver.
I felt moved to stop drinking alcohol which I knew I had developed an increasing dependency on. Other healthy decisions followed, other unhealthy habits fell away, and the more I let go of things and people that did not harmonize with the Light in me, the more things started happening energetically. Always sensitive to energy (the more so in times when I’ve been ‘plugged in’ and in alignment)… my entire energy field was now aglow, the emanations in, through,and from my upper four chakras astonishing. Feeling moved to bless my food now, my hands would fairly vibrate as I held them over my meal. Often flooded with images of my meal being multiplied a billion fold to feed a hungry planet, this energy would surge through my hands, my entire being at a much greater ‘voltage’. I have noticed that this ‘super charge’ flows through me at any prayer for others or intensely loving thought.
Fear has fallen away and opened me to a flow I did not know possible. Synchronicities and blessings abound. More work keeps coming to me. I have fallen head over heels in love with God in me, in all of you and in the smallest of His/Her creations.
I feel my choices and attitudes coming automatically, with clarity and a deeper, purer integrity. Whereas in the past I always had the sense that the pull of the world was always too strong and my backbone not sufficiently strong enough to remain within this purer consciousness, I now know in the core of my being that the momentum within me and demagnetization from old paradigms is such that it is full speed ahead from here on in.
The joy I felt/feel at this realization brings me unspeakable joy and gratitude. I have learned many of the tricks of the egoic mind and find myself increasingly and more speedily aware when I am responding mentally or verbally or in action from a place of ego. I do not judge it, but identify it and gently self-correct.
I feel the ego dissolving by the day. It is replaced by an authenticity I could only have barely imagined in years passed, like a wisp of a dream I could not quite remember but desperately wanted to. Now I no longer have to struggle to remember it because I am living it. I am it. I always was this Light and am forever more. I wake up each day and breathe in an air more rarified than that which I breathed the day before. I
My every cell feels charged, electrified by a glorious love, a love that swells in measure to whatever beautiful vibration I put my attention on be they thoughts, words, images, music, faces of my beautiful sisters and brothers, a prayer rising up from my own heart. In and out… with every breath – I inhale and exhale a love that is so sweet, so lovely, so enfolding that I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the certainty that this will not fade, will in fact grow with each moment.
Truths are revealing themselves to me, as curtain after curtain is parting and new understanding is revealed. As ego departs, Truth moves to center stage. And that Truth is that I Am Love. I always was. You are. We are… One Love. As I drive my car to a work that I love, I glance in the rear view mirror and smile at the Light I see in those eyes. I’m still here on earth, but I Am Home.
Namaste,
Sheila Saunders
Comments
Namaste. Love Nageeta
Namaste.
Love Nageeta