Today I find myself humbled once more as I realize that uprooting to another location to remove myself from toxicity was not the soulution. Here I am face to face with the same themes that have been a part of my life... control, insecurities, anger, and manipulation. There they are in front of me again, different players, same themes.
But universe, I thought I was doing the right thing by removing myself from situations that do not serve me. I am living a simpler life. I have given up most of the possessions and titles I have worked a lifetime to secure. I walked away from corporate money to serve community in a holistic way.
Is this not enough? What more can I give? What more can I do? How much more do I need to give up? Why is it so hard to be at peace? I have no home right now. In the last month I have been released from gigs due to budget cuts... I feel lost and so naked.
I know I deserve more than what my current reality is offering me. I want is peace, love, a harmonious home, financial freedom. I want the abundance that is mine by divine right.
Sigh, I get it now... It is not about moving/changing locations. It is about facing these vasanas and looking at them straight in the eye, with poise, grace, and love. It is about embracing that I can not control the environment outside of me. It is about surrender. I am so emotional. Tears are flowing out of me so much so that I can hardly see the words I am typing on my computer.
Yet despite this roller coaster of emotions, I can hear my inner being saying to me that before I can experience the rainbow, I need to experience the rain.
I intend to release and purge all that doesn't serve me.
Perhaps I should celebrate and look at this as an indication that graduation is right around the corner. Ahh, the thought of this brings a smile to my face and goosebumps to my body. I know angels and loving beings are with me. I can feel their loving energies surrounding me right now, letting me know everything will be/ is ok, that goodness is here for me and that the abundance I deserve is manifested. They remind me that I am a creator God.
I know I am not alone in this journey and that many of my brothers and sisters are experiencing their rainstorms at this time.
My dearest siblings, I am sending you love, light, and prayers for abundance and peace. I love you and look forward to the day where we can all play in the Garden of Eden. Until then, I invite you to take a virtual break with me somewhere over the rainbow where "dreams really do come true".
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9KHo9z86rA
your sister,
RA "Angels Angel" Perez
This blog originally posted on my site: http://rosangelperez.com/html/
