You are your own worst enemy. If you can learn to stop expecting impossible perfection, in yourself and others, you may find the happiness that has always eluded you. ― Lisa Kleypas, Love in the Afternoon

The only way we can avoid other people’s impact on our lives is to stop being part of the social reality as we know it. In other words – other people’s impact on our lives is unavoidable. However, it is up to us to either let it determine our every action or to choose not to let it interfere with our own behavior and the way we handle things. Of course, the first option doesn’t exactly sound like a recipe for a happier and less complicated life. So let’s take a closer look at how to get rid of the heaviness of non-stop consideration of others.

Don’t expect people to respect you if you don’t respect yourself...

So, pulling from a decade of experience as a life coach, in an effort to help Lane walk more closely Sara’s footsteps, here are some toxic, confidence-killing behaviors to avoid:

Getting caught up in lots of needless drama.– Some people love to stir up controversy and drama for no apparent reason. Don’t buy in to their propaganda. Stay out of other people’s drama and don’t needlessly create your own. Instead, imagine what would happen if you spent this entire day, and every day hereafter, with all your energy directed toward your most positive possibilities. Rather than being annoyed, be amused. Instead of getting angry, become curious. In place of envy, feel admiration. Life is too short to argue, fight or be negative in any way. Count your blessings, value the people who matter and move on from the drama with your head held high.

Seeking approval from everyone around you.– Confident people have no interest in pleasing everyone they meet...

A self-sabotaging habit is a recurring behavior that — regardless of any false, short-term pleasure — leads us directly into frustration and unhappiness.

Knowing this, you’d think that all of us would just let those bad habits go immediately. Yet, experience with clients and in our own lives tells us that it’s not all that simple when it comes down to it.

Yes, by all means, STOP your self-sabotage if you can.

Yet, if you can’t seem to get yourself to simply quit, then seek education and guidance. With that, here are the top five self-sabotaging habits that we’ve been helping people (and ourselves) overcome.

Self-loathing

Self-criticism is the vehicle that self-loathing uses to wreak havoc in your life. It can happen in any environment...

“I have done my best. That is all the philosophy of living one needs.” ~Lin-yutang

Perfectionism—the word brings to mind images of order and organization, of effectiveness and efficiency. This is what society expects from a “perfectionist,” and this is what is projected as desirable and attainable. There is an aspirational value to being a “perfectionist.”

Many people believe that perfectionistic tendencies motivate people to do their best and achieve their goals.

However, I can vouch for the fact that it actually feels like being caught in a trap. There is a feeling of suffocation and dread at not being able to escape. The joy of living is sucked out leaving one feeling inadequate and incompetent all the time.

I’m asked this question all the time: “Why am I attracted to people who are wrong for me?” And the answer is quite simple, actually:

Because your wounded self is doing the attracting.

Now, I know the term “wounded self” can sound a little intense, so let me explain. We all have two selves: the “little self” (or the wounded self, the ego) and the “Spiritual Self” (the higher self, adult self, or soul).

The wounded self is the part of you that feels incomplete. It questions your worth and value; it doesn’t feel whole, or it feels flawed in some way. My wounded self is the “little me” who wonders if I’m truly lovable.

On the other hand, we also have a Spiritual Self. This is your higher self, your soul.