The Cycle of Separation and Connection Between Twin Flames

Lia's picture

The Cycle of Separation and Connection Between Twin Flames

o   by Karen Crystal

If you have met your twin flame, you are likely to have experienced the frustrating "twin flame dance" where you swing back and forth between connecting then withdrawing. This can be very confusing to the twin flames and also it can be very painful if they do not understand the divine purpose of this cycle. 

However, many factors contribute for the NEED for this cycle:

1) Firstly I would say that if either of you aren't ready to unite, it is because you're not supposed to be ready - it's not the right time. 

Pointing the finger and blaming the other twin means you are not ready yourself either. Acceptance is needed and the ability to become whole within yourself and not feel the need for your twin flame to fill any voids in your life or heart. This has been said so many times, but it is very important to take the time to fully understand this. If you are looking to the other in order to feel love, it means you are not looking to yourself first. This void you have within will only be reflected back to you by your twin flame. It means you can't unite because there are gaps you need to fill in yourselves so that you can reflect wholeness back to each other and your split can be healed. If you were to join when you are not whole, you would live in eternity with great pain still remaining.

2) You separate because you haven't reached unconditional love and acceptance for yourself and your twin. 

Sometimes it is very difficult to not get caught up in your own views, emotions, ideals and forget that your twin has their own view of things. Often it is the ego that stands in the way; you just can't seem to agree on anything. This is because you are both coming to the same conlusions from the opposite angles. Remember the mirror; You are the counterpart, the opposite yet identicle energy vibrations. You work together through love, but come to it from opposite sides. The result is still the same though - love.

It is the ego though, that causes us to feel that the other is doing it "all wrong". We say to ourselves, "If he/she loved me, then he/she would show it the way I am showing it." We conclude that if our twin doesn't express themselves the same way as us, then they just don't love us. We begin to regard them as cold, heartless and even cruel. 

My own thinking used to be so one-sided. I believed he was messing me around and playing me for a fool. I felt extremely hurt and in turn acted in ways which hurt him. Blinded by my own fear of losing him and trying to "prove" his love, I hadn't thought once about how I was hurting him (and I must say looking back, i was doing pretty much the same things to him that he was doing to me, but in a mirrored fashion). I also never even considered the fact that deep down I knew I wasn't ready to unite at that time either - all my focus was on him - he wasn't doing this, he wasn't doing that and it hurt my pride so much that the painful rejection is all i could think of. I tried to protect myself by shutting down. I chased him, but in a way that made out it was all some trivial game of power. He tried to protect himself by trying to make me chase him (to prove to himself my love for him), then doing the same as I was.

The major factor that we fail to miss though, is that many of the negative behaviour is caused by FEAR, which leads me onto my next point:

3) Twin flames separate because at first the connection feels "crazy". It threatens all that we think we know about the way the world works. 

You bump into your twin flame for the first time. Boom! Something happens, you know this person somehow even though you don't recognise them on a physical level. You feel such intense love, but you wonder how this can be so when you don't know them. You conclude it's just lust, but why is there that knowing feeling deep in your soul? You know your life has changed forever, you can just sense it, but you don't have a clue why. Then you can't stop thinking about this person ALL THE TIME, re-living times when you saw him/her over and over and over. The love you feel for this person incereases over time when you think logically it should fade. You can't stop fantasising about them, being distracted by thinking of them to the point that you cannot concentrate on anything else. You just feel scared. Scared of losing this person somehow. Scared you have already lost them. Scared because you don't even know them and that it means you are crazy to feel such intensity.

So you "run" from it. You try to block it out and convince yourself it's just lust. You've been taught by society that it's unhealthy to pine after someone for too long, therefore you try your hardest to forget all about him/her. But you can't. You try your hardest, but you just can't. Then you bump into him/her again unexpectedly and all those feelings flood back to you. All your hard work to try and kill these feelings goes down the drain and within a second you are back to square one. Tie this in with all the reflected fear, arguments, confusion and it all gets even more scary. Sometimes it just feels safer to run away and hope it all just disappears...

It's understandable (or at least it should be) that fear is going to present itself in this situation. It's a fight or flight situation and often twin flames run. But remember, this running is needed in order for them to have the distance to MAKE SENSE of it all. Granted, it could take years, but the point is, if you or your twin flame are "running", then it is because this is part of your life path - to get the distance to make sense of this new reality.

It's to do with overcoming the ego. It takes time. It's as if we have to reprogram ourselves to learn to live from soul consciousness rather than ego consciousness. It won't come over night. We have incarnated possibly hundreds of times, living in our egos. We can't expect ourselves or our twins to suddenly flick a switch and be back to living fully in our soul consciousness.

4) Twin flames reconnect for reassurance.

They want to know you are still there. They want to test if you still love them because they definately know they love you, but are scared it is just one-sided and you've "gotten over" them. Of course they'll deny it though.

5) Twin flames reconnect to heal each other.

Through the cycle of separation and connection, the twin flames are often destined to meet up in the physical several times in order to heal each other. When a stage of healing within each individual is complete, they will meet again to connect and expand each other in energy (love) which they will then need to separate again to "process". It's as if they meet up to recieve a challenge. Once they know what the challenge is (subconsciously) they both go their separate ways to achieve it. Once achieve, they recieve that healing and go onto the next.

6) We separate from our twin flames when we have individual karma to be balanced.

Karma - the cause and effect cycle created by us through our lifetimes needs to be balanced before we can unite with our twin flames. Before we incarnated into this lifetime, and any other lifetime, our souls made agreements with other souls to meet on the physical plane and learn lessons from each other. They may be tough lessons, wonderful lessons but all will be helpful in the end. By this I mean that eventually, even if we percieve a situation to be negative, we will always learn a positive from it. All karma must be fulfilled by the intividual twins before they can come back together again in unity.

7) We (may) separate from our twin flames when we are destined to be in other relationships.

Through connecting with your twin flame, you will feel increased love in your soul as long as you are able to put ego aside. Oftentimes we may marry a soul mate in order to share this increased love with them to help them awaken too. OR we may already be in another relationship when we meet our twin flame. This relationship will help us learn about love in order to prepare us for our twin flame. Either way, we learn from our soulmates and they learn from us. We separate so we aren't distracted from our individual awakening. 

If we were together all the time before reunion occurred, we would remain reflecting our own voids that we need to heal individually. We would also not be able to balance our separate karma with others and would not have the yearning for each other as a catalyst to greater spiritual searching.

So you see, the cycle of separation and connection is NEEDED in order for us to fully heal, awaken and fulfil our mission to help humankind through our knowledge and light. We must all accept the journey towards reunion as JUST AS IMPORTANT as union itself. To unite too quickly before we are ready would leave us unfulfilled and unhealed.

We must accept ourselves and our twin flames and not blame each other for not being ready NOW. It's all part of the process; it's all part of the path we agreed upon before birth. ACCEPT your path and yourselves and it will all come to you in perfect time. 


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Thank you

daughter of rebekah's picture

My Twin Flame and I met ten years ago. We had been having the same recurrent dream for about ten years before we met. I made the mistake of believing his being sent to me was a sign from the Divine that I would get to live Happily Ever After. In a way, it has, for together we produced a chld, a very special child, who helps me experience Unconditional Love every day. My love for my child, and also my child's love for me. As well as learning a great deal of lessons from my Twin after he left me when I was four months pregnant with our child. The shared custody has taught me how to be the bigger person in life. As well as giving me the opportunity to keep waking up and increasing in the Light. I get this 'gift' every other weekend and one night a week. LOL


Twin flames aren't all what they are cracked up to be. It is not hearts and butterflies every day, but the lessons in themself are far more valuable. 

Thank you for writing this important and educational post. I find great comfort in it.

This is a brialliantly

Guest's picture

This is a brialliantly written article/thought process..answered many questions!! Thank you..I wonder.what happens when you meet your twin flame but you are in a relationship with a soul mate..? what happens to the union..? you cross your paths, exchange the moments, lessons...then? what happens to the souls? does it mean we haven't fulfilled the purpose of a twin flame union? thanks for your thoughts!!!