There are loved ones you care about who drive you up the wall, is this not so? If you didn’t care deeply and hold a vested interest, it’s possible they wouldn't drive you up the wall. You may see their repetitive behavior as self-destructive, and yet you have heard Me say to keep your hands off. You don’t know if you are capable of being silent.
Let Us say that your husband is a master procrastinator. To almost everything you may say or request, his refrain seems to be:
"Not now," or, "Later." And later is later and later.
It is as if your husband is a collector of undone deeds. You are not talking about his mowing the yard. He could be out of work, and you may be concerned about his getting off the couch and looking for work. You are so worried.
You understand what I mean when I say to let him be. You know that reminding him that time is wasting doesn't help either you or him. That's just it – nothing seems to help.
You are not someone who can just sit on your hands. You can’t possibly smile and pretend that everything is all right. Has your husband given up? Is he wasting his life? Is he possibly ill? You have worry on top of worry.
The fact, so far as you can see, is that his joy in life lies lounging on the couch, watching TV and letting life slide.
His reactions are hard for you to take. Somehow, you and your husband have become opponents.
You are incapable of letting this go on forever. How can you step out of the fray to pretend all is well when it feels to you that his life – and, therefore yours – is collapsing?
You realize that confrontation with your husband isn't working, and yet you are incapable of sitting on your hands and doing nothing. What is to be done? You wonder if he needs to go to a counselor. You don’t know how to get him there and what to do.
My dear, if your plaints and suggestions do not work, and your husband is resenting you when you try to talk some sense into him -- you have to find another way.
I understand that you are at your wits' end. It does seem like you have to somehow remove yourself from nagging and get off his back, doesn’t it? If you agree that you must focus on other matters that are more in your domain, if you have to get your mind off his responsibilities, and you must release your husband to take care of his own life, no matter how this panics you, well, then, you must give this a shot.
It's possible, as you withdraw from emphasis on what amounts to someone else's life – with the outside pressure off him -- perhaps he can begin to raise his head and not retract so from life.
From his point of view, you have to focus more on your life, and that is what I think, too. You have facts of your own to face, dear one. You too may be stuck, not in lethargy, but in action.
With all love, I tell you that there are changes to make within yourself. Taking your hands off doesn't mean you don't care or are pretending not to care. This is a way of caring that supports your husband in a way he can handle.
When you change the way you move in the world, your husband may see himself more clearly and not balk so much.
Beloved, your releasing your husband to himself may be just what helps him now. He needs his space, and you need yours.
Your hands off can be a remarkable relief for both of you. Take this step. Look for relief soon. You will have it.
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