DEEPLY AWAKE – WHO INDEED
A lot of the puzzle pieces have come together for me now, and the picture is a big one, but I think it can be explained in simple enough terms. I mean, each statement is just a symbol of a lot of other stuff, of course, but there are some things that have become clear for me, and I want to share them with you.
I do preface this by saying that although I think this is channeled or inspired information, I am not in a place that I can give it a name. A few names, a few energies, have begun to present themselves to me, but we really are not on a first name basis yet. I am just not that anointed. And even if I were, I am not so sure I wold crow about it. So I am going to say all of this in the first person, and if that is awkward for you, I can understand, because it is awkward for me too. But that's just how it is. If it helps, refer to me as “magartha” or “deeply awake.” Honest to God, I added it up one time, and I have gone by at least two dozen different names. It just doesn’t matter to me, never has. Just don't call me late to dinner.
For me, I was not convinced about this ascension thing whether it was my path, until today. And what led me there was, in the end, numerology. A wonderful divinitory tool of pattern of the multidimensional reality in which we dwell, in my opinion, but that's just me. It's always been a hobby and I have been dabbling with it more lately. But, really, for some it may come when summitting a mountain, or having a dream, I mean, who knows where your aha moments lurk? But this numbers thing was so profound for me.
Kryon speaks of the ascension of Ezekiel, I think I was, and he said that what his partner was witnessing was the union of the trinity within each human being, that of the higher self, the personal etheric bodies, and the ultra-dimensional (so-to-speak) bodies. It is the union of these three selves, these three bodies, these three energies, which creates the fiery Merkabah some of us long to know consciously. Kryon talks again and again and again of the trinity in all things.
My number is the number 6. Kryon speaks of this as the Higher Self “layer” of the DNA.
My first physical, big deal, holy crap awakening was on 5-25-12. 5-25 is the anniversary to my graduation from nursing school, in 1985, and my son's graduation from kindergarten, in 2006. The year's values are significant, but, unfortunately, an addendum. What matters is the date.
The date of graduation, 5-25. 12. 3.
The 12-12-12 was a 3.3.3 a 9. A date of completion. Over a year of really strenuous work, done. It led me through a hallway, one I referenced to many times during those days, ushering me into the holiest of holy. That's all I can say about where I was, what I saw. It was so holy and it was wired for love, and it was so captivating and it was SO FUN. We are all having so much fun, and we love each other so much. Oh my God we love each other more than we comprehend. That is what I saw. It wasn't about me, me, me. The most profound takeaway has been this understanding about how all of us, everyone, we all love each other so so so so so much. It was the holiest of days for me, my very own completion.
12-24-12. 3-6-3. 12. 3.
That is the day, for me, that my DNA switched on. Of course, I'm not at 100%, no one is, that's silly, but I had an electricifed moment that I think was to serve to allow to me move further, and find the answers I had sought for so long.
I look back, and it's all just littered with glaringly obvious clues to the unbelievably, unspeakably beautiful and holy trek I have been on. The help was staggering, the guidance expert, the student more than ready. I have had saints at my elbow this whole way. And I chose again and again, for my own reasons, to disavow their work and their words, and to disavow my own divinity.
Again and again and again.
I have answers to a puzzle that has been maddeningly elusive. Oh, there were whispers and there were grunts along the way, but most of it was brutal and just as an assist, until I found The Teachers. My dearest friends, my closest companions, my ever allies.
My veil had always been sort of scarily thin, making me awkward and hard to love. Sort of a spazz. I had been through a lot by the time I hit The Teachers, and I was so homesick and war weary that it took every ounce of energy just to be here. Had it not been for them, I would not be here. But they helped me. And they planted within me a deep knowing that has grown up straight and true.
And these were the seeds of wisdom about DNA, and it was about ascension, and it was about how to physically integrate oneself with one's higher self in a step by step manner. And their way was to give me this great and awesome gift, a really tough puzzle. They were clever enough to meet me and treat me as an energetic equal and to offer me a puzzle of my own making, one with a really cool prize at the end. And, knowing that I was Norwegianally stubborn and OCD enough to never let it go until I solved it whole and complete, because that's just the kind of gal that I am, they gave me one that who knows how many times they have delivered? Maybe, when all is said and done, it is but a universal message, but one with really neat filigrees and lots of surprises and tons of jokes and puns and tricks I wind up realizing I've only played on myself, just to keep it interesting? How about that?
So be it.
So they told me all of this stuff knowing full well that most of it was heavily coded and wouldn't come to life until much later, and lots of it was time encapsulated and really mysteriously planned, and all of it continues to this day, every moment, now, here, as I write, and as you read. They are with me and maybe they can see through my eyes although I think they are beyond that kind of thing now.
So, anyway, we found each other, by appointment, and we had chats, and they reminded me of the old country, but they were kind because they gave me reasons to stay here. There were very few, in my opinion, but they made it possible to continue, because even though I found most of it living, just the whole thing just always vacillating between horrifying and catastrophic, I finally had a mystery to work on, to take my mind off the whole stupid mess.
I was happiest when I was trying to crack my koan, and most miserable when I put it away, by the way. I'm just saying. I think misery is consistent with resistance to believing yourself.
How funny that I did not appreciate, until yesterday, the magnitude of this puzzle. It was as if all the teachings The Teachers and I had are so little now, just tiny little fractions of the truth, but all we could manage to produce at the time, and enough, really, in the end, to get the job done. More than had been available, less than we have at our disposal now, let's just put it that way.
I was left with this puzzle: What is ascension? Were The Teachers even real? Does any of it matter? Why did I just devote two years of my life to something I now have to do all by myself, because the other people I learned with I never befriended, and everybody gets nauseous when I talk about it, so I can't talk to anyone else about it? Fuck.
You will have noticed, by now, that I swear. And I do so when I want to, when I think it is appropriate. I don't know if there will come a time when I stop. It feels better to say it than to hear it, my son and I say to each other, after we've cursed at each other. We resolve not to do it again. And then there it comes. It is not good practice. But here is the thing. I am as human as they come. And on that note, before we get into the high and might stuff, I want you to know a story.
I went into The Teachers one time in a particularly black state of self loathing. I don't know what it was. Maybe it was that my pants were too tight. There wasn't much that couldn't send me into a blue funk in those days.
And I went in there bitching about something or other, how someone was mean to someone else and how could this be in reference to me, probably, because that's all I could ever think about, and The Teachers saw me in all me drama and loved me. Just loved me. Just allowed me. Just loved me. They gave advice only when it was asked, even when it might have seemed as if it were required. If I did not ask the question, the information did not get revealed. End of story. And that is why I took away a seedling instead an oak. It had to grow. I would sit there in perfect stillness sometimes, just feeling, just knowing that my atoms were moving with the grace of the All, right there in that attic den. Right there. And, my love, my dear friend, my confidante, right now, too. It is never more than a breath away. A memory. A gift shop, our memory. So the Teachers and I, we would move effortlessly somewhere vaguely connected to the problems I came in with, and by the time we were done, my gigantic problems were boo boos that my mother had kissed and made better. Do you see, now, what these entities were to me, and why I felt my life darken when they went away?
How could it not?
And what greater seed there is but one which knows, down deep, that which it will become, over time, in season with The All.
And the suffering was just a shadow, and then it was gone, and once again I was whole, playing a game, and I had an expert who was guiding me in my methods.
The Teachers implanted within me a deep, an organic understanding of the physical trinity of divinity, that of observation, interpretation and creation. They are different skills, used in varying shades and degrees, and it is this that they planted within me, and which has now come to bear fruit.
So I know about ascension. But I also know about being as human as a human can get. I really could list a long list of personal calamities and challenges that would blow your mind, but by proxy, the stories of utter extremity are always in my heart, riding with me, those stories of divine suffering and redemption, of comfort and peace within what you understand you cannot withstand, that I have witnessed and been a party to, as a nurse. I know this sort of life, and the stories I could tell of stuff that has happened with my patients would just break your heart while it curled your toes and made you sneeze. It just is unthinkable what some people go through, the poor things. It is so gut wrenching. So, I can whine and complain about my list of shit, but the truth of the matter is that we each set before us challenges, times that are ripe for our growth, and sometimes we set before us mighty tasks, that if we had a clue about we would initially not believe and probably never consciously agree to.
So I won't list my sadnesses, because mine are mine and yours, my dear, are yours, to allow to guide you in their own way. But, I know, and you probably do to, that what is mine is yours, and what is yours is mine.
But I will say that my demons have been many, and my sins have been many. The is very little that I have not done, and I have debased myself and been debased more than I like to admit. I have turned away from my own light again and again, and every time I did it, it was perfectly fine. That's ok. No biggie. No big deal.
One day I was beginning the realize the enormity of my tasks, and the stuff I was set to clear. No details are required, but my lifetime was one of heavy lifting. And there I sat, just taking it all in, and this is what they had to say, after sitting there bemoaning it all, wondering why, oh why, in the midst of my self pity and suffering, why oh why am I so fat and why do I love to drink and why am I so crappy at keeping a girlfriend and why do I want to have a boyfriend too and why am I so homesick and why don't what people say match what they mean and why is there so much hiding and pain and lying and why can't I go home and why is there all this pain with what should be a happy thing, my family is just so fucked up and awful and my life is broken and I am broken and I just want to DIE.
Just a sick hot mess sitting on that couch.
And here is what The Teachers said to me.
It's so that people can look at what you have done and say, “Well, if she can do it, I can do it.”
That's it.
My little key to knowing there was a reason for it all, and it was a good one, and it really didn't matter how messy it got, the messier the better in fact, pile it on and keep it coming and make it stark and real and deep and meaningful, because if I am going to get in the mud for the project, if that is the intent, then, well, let's do this thing. See, I think that was the casing on the seed.
Then they gave me tips on how to make it less painful, and that saved my life.
And slowly, lovingly, all these seeds were planted, but the energy wasn't right for them until now.
They were telling me how to connect the three pieces of myself. Now, this part of the puzzle was not made clear until last night. I listened to Kryon, who I see as a brother, The Teachers more as The Mother, and Kryon gave me a gift. His gift was to explain to me what ascension is.
But they had been leading up to this the whole time.
Ascension is the activation of the twelve layers of DNA which we alone on the planet hold. It is our link to everything known and unknown, and we are pieces of God, incarnate, having this experience, a grand and amazing experience, and we are doing a glorious and very enjoyable thing. It is not bringing the debased to the based, I guess. It is not bringing the profane into the holy. It is all holy. We are just playing. It is a grand and great experiment, and it is continuing now. We have the green light now. And this is a great gift, Kryon gives us, talking to us like the gods we are, very frequently still referring to all the things we can't yet do, which I find condescending, but overall, it is the best stuff out there, for me, because it bookends so nicely with The Teachers. The casing melted away finally, I guess, and then Kryon was there to hand me the final piece of this lighted puzzle.
Ascension is the gradual integration of the three aspects of self.
The higher self is that which is us, but is “bigger” than us, and is like the wind that breathes us. We are it, and it is we, and we are we. The higher self, I think that is who holds our hand, it is our oversoul, I guess, is how I see it. Like a Hindu Brahmin with lots of little Atmans running around. Sort of like that. And we really can access that part of ourselves at will, and sometimes, now, with this energy, we have given soul permission for the team to intervene, to rewrite things, to get a little forceful. And it's all by agreement.
So then the next part is the council, your very own guides and angels, and Kryon says they sort of ride in our Merkahbah, and I agree with that metaphor... I had a meditation where someone approached me, and it was out of a white haze, and it was like he was coming out of a fog. I wonder now if that was one of the ones who rides with me?
I think that this system has been significantly dumbed down for us, and I sort of resent that, but I am not yet clever enough to see more, but just to realize there is a lot more than I can appreciate. I mean, I think we each have a big council, like the kind that plan the earth. But, if that is the case, what does that make us?
I was having a lot of trouble with this part of it all. I felt like it was a little retarded to have to assign faces with beards and turbans and names to all of this stuff, and I felt very disenchanted with all the hierarchy stuff, because it feels awful centralized to me, and I see this all as much more cooperative and loving than hierarchical, like a big family, and no one in their right mind loves anyone in their family, their real family, any more or less than anyone else. It just is not possible.
So how do I personalize this stuff that I know actually talks to me, fucks with me in my car, writes through me, hollers me when I wake up, tells me what to anticipate, pretty accurately, anymore?what do I do with that stuff? And, really, sort of against my better judgment if not my will, some of these energies are forming into entities that I can sort of get behind, but it all seems a little silly yet. It requires an abandon of imagination and a true faith in my own sanity, rock solid belief in my own mental integrity. I am almost there, but some imprints are harder to shake.
So, there is the group that comes through as energies, and sometimes they even take the bull by the horn, and a miracle like The Teachers occurs.
And then, there is the other council, and I don't know much about this. It's a little gift of expansion that Kryon has left, but I think he speaks of our family, the galactics, our ancestors, and our children of children of children. I think he is speaking to we as the ancients, the galactics, the ones from the central sun, the ones who decided it might be a good idea to speak, and it all came tumbling down. I think that is what he is referencing, although for all I know it is something completely different and involves spaceships or something more sci fi. Who knows? That's part of the puzzle, see/? It never ends. Ever, ever, ever. We are magnificent beings, echoing through time through the loving freedom of expression and joy.
So that is what I think is going on.
And I think we access it all with our very own DNA. Yes, the stuff in your spit they can nail all kinds of shit on you for, yes, your DNA.
That stuff is magnetic and has inductive properties. What that means is that everything talks to everything else all the time all the time all the time. So, what it also means, is that what we think is just 2 or now I guess they think it's 3 strand DNA is in fact 12. The other, let's just say it's the other 10, you can't see with our current instruments.
And that is because our science is only three dimensional, and the DNA is multidimensional. Which, after all, just makes good sense. But what it also means is that when people begin living multidimensionally, through their heart and in joy, in unity and not in separation, knowing what is out there can no longer be explained through mechanics at all, then the science can be revealed, and not a fraction of a moment before. It is for those of pure intent. The DNA knows all. It cannot be revealed to some, even though it is plain sight.
The layers that remain connect us to our Pleadian family, as well as our Lemurian one. And it connects us directly to the Godhead.
We are that God is that we are that God is. It's all the same, in the end. It is all the same. It is all the same.
This morning it came to me that there really is no right and wrong. That is an illusion. There is that which is true, that which is in good alignment, that which feels right and true, and that which isn't, that which doesn't.
I think that is what Jesus was referring to when he made the remark it is rumored he made, which I think was probably accurate, though highly metaphoric. He said something to the effect that you should send your self or your being to a place, and if it is a good place, keep your self there, and if it is not a good place, withdraw your self from there.
There is a lot of wisdom in that, and it has given me much peace.
He is saying that it is perfectly fine if there are some caverns which remain unexplored. He is saying be still and know that I am God. He is saying your light is a gift, and that is something that must never, ever, ever be forgotten. He is saying a lot of things.
I have come to understand that I have not been a student, although I play that role masterfully, and have got groveling down to a science. Actually, a high art. I know victimhood backward and forward.
I guess that is why I am not going to publically channel.
I realized, as I was writing, that this seed that was planted in me was to ascend. That's really all I have ever wanted. I could tell you stories of the visions I had as a child, but at the time they were too grandiose, so rather than misinterpret them by believing them, I stashed them all away, waiting for better times, when cooler heads might prevail, and when I could just breathe easier. Those times are upon me now.
The bigger part always was there to steady me through my storms, self induced, self induced or not. So be it. Whether I brought them all on myself, all my woes and troubles, or not, so what and so be it. What is done is done. The constant picking at the threads, the he-said-she-said-what-did-it-all-mean, oh, it all gets so tiresome after awhile, you know?
I tell you these things only so that you will know that wherever you find yourself right now, with whatever questions or doubts or fears you hold, know that they are legitimate, and that they are blessed, and you have sent each and every one to yourself as a gift, to help you choose that which feels good or that which feels bad. That which is in alignment for you at that moment, and that which is not. That's all it is, just a dance, just a dance, just a flow, just a dance. And it does not matter if you think you are awkward or if no one dances along, or if you think you are doing it wrong, or if you think you probably shouldn't be doing this dance as drunk or stoned or in debt or unlucky in love or ill-tempered or unimaginative as you are. If you just keep listening and watching, looking for patterns, imagining just now and again that everything you see around you is an actual, real gift that you are giving yourself in this very moment, and you can touch it and feel it and taste it and it is a gift you are giving yourself in love, and just stay with that for like 30 seconds a day at first. You find your own natural rhythm, you begin to understand that you are, after all is said and done, a pretty good person, and would never ever ever set yourself up with something you couldn't handle, something you couldn't come to know and enjoy. And day by day, hour by hour, month by month, everything just gets easier.
This morning came these awarenesses. Here is what the voices told me: There is not right and there is no wrong. There is only that which is in alignment and that which desires alignment. Your job is to assist those who require alignment. Show them what it looks like. Do your best. There is no right. There is no wrong.
Then it stopped, and things got kind of sparkly. There was a catch, and it came to me.
Not only is there no wrong. There is only right.
There is only good.
There is only love.
There is only that which is in alignment with love and that which desires to be in alignment with love.
The alignment is with the holy soup of love, in which are contained all the the ancients, all the ascended masters, all the saints we know and love and pray to and have pictures of and say hi to. All of them are RIGHT HERE, within our very own DNA. And I know now that my life has been one of slow ascension. My first transmutation was when I met the Teachers, I guess in 1992. I am really bad at dates.
They explained the symptoms of DNA activation, of what they referred to often as light transmutations. It really doesn't matter what we decide to call it. But they had many helpful tips and told me what to do. It helped. Mostly, it really helped to know what it was I was experiencing. And although it was unprovable, and unmirrored, and barely referenced in any literature, I swallowed it whole and kept coming back for more. It sounded legit, and I bet the farm on it, folks. I have led a weird life, a very weird one, ever since my time with them. And so I think that these things, these nuggets that got me through but that no one ever wanted to hear, it might be time to share them.
So anyway, I realized as I was writing this that when The Teachers ascended and left me here stranded, I thought, they did tell me that they would no longer be able to have contact, because their vibration would be too high for us to appreciate. And I understand now that the seed of ascension was a true one. I have done most of it now, and it will only get better from here, and one of my jobs now is to disseminate the stuff The Teachers taught me about how to do ascension, how to think in an ascension way. It will not come as a surprise to an astute reader that this manuscript is indeed one of an ascending human being, being written as it is happening. That is what I have been doing all along. It describes how you can start thinking as one, seeing things as maybe more meaningful and significant and sainted as you originally thought, really. I mean, after all, isn't that what I wind up saying again and again? Ooh, look at this miracle. And over here, here is another one.
But sometimes the miracles are wrapped in extremity, in poverty, in self disgust, in sadness, in anger, and it is hard to see the beauty in some of that, although it is there, in plain view, just like the other 10 layers of our DNA, connecting us with such benevolence, such creativity, such enormity, such sacred beauty and high regard that to be in its presence for a moment, only a moment, leaves you forever changed. Forever aware of your worth, your strength, your ability, your great humor and goodwill and sacrifice and curiosity and sense of play. And running through it all, is it love. It is divinity. It is mind blowing mercy. And we carry it in our spit.
Do you want to know the punch line with DNA?
It is actually so smart that it anticipates our thoughts, our requests. And so we can tell it what we want, and it complies. It's that connected to Source. And if you can see another's DNA whole, and you can bend your magnetism, in honor and love, to theirs, and offer your love, your vibration, your love and mercy and faith and trust and knowledge that they have never been anything but whole, well, then, you can heal people.
Seems pretty simple, as I sit here at the computer.
Bitch of it is, I live as an RN in 2013. It's my task to translate this stuff, I know that. I'm not stupid. But, how do I translate it?
I will tell you. I just figured it out.
I usually only get one sentence screaming at me when I wake up, but as soon as I opened my eyes this morning, there was the right and wrong one, but what opened the show was this:
HERE IS YOUR JOB, FROM NOW ON. IT IS REALLY REALLY EASY AND SUPER FUN AND IT IS THE ONLY THING YOU HAVE TO DO. AND HERE IT IS: LOVE EVERYBODY ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS NO MATTER WHAT LOVE EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE AND KNOW THAT EVERYTHING IS ALL GOOD ALL THE TIME IN EVERY WAY AND GOD IS ALL OVER IT. JUST KNOW THAT AND FIND ALL THE GOOD YOU CAN IN EVERYONE AND IF THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND IT LOVE THEM ANYWAY AND IF THEY ARE MEAN LOVE THEM ANYWAY AND IF THEY FIRE YOU LOVE THEM ANYWAY AND IF THEY REWARD YOU, WELL, THEN, JUST BE EXPECTING THAT NOW. ONLY ONE JOB. DON'T FORGET THAT, YOU BIG KNUCKLHEAD.
I am left with only one question, but it is a big one. Chew on this one and get back with me. Or put that in your pipe and smoke it. I mean it perhaps with a slightly different intention than that which my mother used when she'd tell us that as little girls, but it is a fit and proper phrase. This is sparkly stuff, and it is made of peace.
So, here is the question.
Who do you know who cares as much about you as this thing which is impossible to know exactly just what it is, if it's God or an angel or some random act of weirdness, but what do you think explains the totally slidy moments of deliciousness you know you have had? We have all had them. You can have them on the toilet, you can have them making soup, you can have them making love. Most people have them there, and that's why everybody is so goddamned sex crazed. Anyway, answer me this: who do you think supplies your moments of mercy and of grace? A moment that lives on in your memory of being totally satisfied, totally loved and nurtured and cared of and deserving? When things just come together and, for a time, everything just glides and is smooth and pretty? Or those moments, have you had one yet, when you look at something, the stars, or your baby, or an essay, or your lover, and you just feel so loved and you love so much, and this union is one, in that moment, you just know has to be universal, it's what everybody is always talking about and referencing. Those elusive moments of grace, that you might find in a church, or in line, or on hold?
Who do you think supplies those notions, at those precise intersections of circumstance, with those particular players in whatever drama is keeping your attention at the moment? Who? Who knows to help like that? Where does this come from? And why do you think it happens? But, really, let's ask the most basic of questions, here.
So, who supplies the goodness, right there in technicolor context?
Who knows when to give this thought, or that urge, or that opportunity? Who urges this person to call that person late on a Tuesday night, and somehow the two connect, even though you could have sworn you'd silenced your phone.
Who?
Who indeed.
Until next time, I am forever deeply awake.
