Wow, yesterday everything changed I'm getting used to it. I had spent two nights with my mom's side's grandma, and did a lot of figuring out. When I got home I went and chilled at my uncles house. I didn't want to drink for some reason , lately I've not been able to swallow things idk my body doesn't want all that nast. I lost a lot of weight and didn't wanna eat , and I guess I don't like alcohol anymore either. I smoked straight crazy though and I realized I had been put in the Perfect place to sungaze, and while I did I felt strange, I have been feeling mean for a while and just had two wild dreams at my grandmas where i would crash or get shot. I closed my eyes and wanted more than anything just to send the whole world the love I was feeling, so I visualized earth, and held it in my hands, but then I started imagining a New Earth and I wasn't even controlling what I was seeing I realized I create really with just my natural flow, it's hard to explain idk. Then the earth kept getting smaller and I noticedthat it was actually shooting up very fast and so was I inside my mind's eye.. Then I got to something and I forget what I imagined but it was amazing. I started feeling everything so much differently, like everything I see was just the pure beauty of itself. colors and sounds and twice I had a ringing in my left ear that night. THEN later I felt my right shoulder drop and now my arms are way more comfortable idk i can do more. I just felt unexplainable. I still do but now I'm mostly exhausted even though I went to sleep fairly early. I'm going to keep sungazing. Peace <3
And if this helps anyone out there, I found something that helps me find peace. I've worried about being wrong, and what if I'm doing the opposite of what God wants. And I just remember that God loves us, and he Wills to happen whatever will.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZ5-Soe3NJ0
