insight

so the unconscious impulsive desire to have sex with
someone because you desire intimacy is the ego.
desiring to pursue a mate because youre lonely
and again desire to be close to someone is
stemming from not only fear but feelings of
isolation and seperation which stem from
youre identification with the egomind.

if youre going to truly be intimate with
someone you first have to be completely
intimate with the love that you are first
and foremost before youre ever going to be
able to be intimate with your partner and
everyone else in reality and back unto
yourself as well.

the feelings of the inability to geniunely
love stem again not only from fear of the self
through identification with the ego from being
nurtured to be this way but also stems from
the other aspect of the identification with
the ego and its thoughtforms and its need to
believe in its own thoughts regarding the
experience. so you have the thought that you
have the geniune inability to love others
equalls as much as you love yourself or vice
versa or anywhere in between with anyone that
you can only love certain beings a certain amount
and you feel that you are unable to go beyond that
or you feel that youre unable to geniunely experience
eternal love or infinite love with yourself and the all.

this again is identification with the ego and its fear
of you being the love you are and the fact that were
nurtured to identify with it from birth so that when
the time is ripe were plucked from not being conscious
of this fact to being conscious of this fact.
the whole experience of dealing with a lack of love
stems again from the egos fear of the love you are
and you identifying with its believe systems in its
thoughtforms that say you experience a lack of love
and do not know how to truly love yourself in the here
now. so essentially you strive to love yourself through
others and through the experiences you currently
desire to choose to experience while tolerating the
experiences that you do not have a choice of not
experiencing.

another situation in society today is the entire conditioning
of needing touch in order to psychologically be okay.
if you take a sincere look at your experience on a daily basis
youre constantly touching surfaces. your feet on the floor
when you use them if you have feet or your butt when youre
sitting down or your arm and hand and the tension there in
from holding yourself up.. not everyone right now notices
this experience of touching of the self += the physical
manifest realm. they dont see this again due to their
identification with their conditioned egomind. this is
just the way the human condition is on this planet.

another experience that stems from this for not everyone
is the desire to have a companion a lover or a pet or
any object that they can practice being intimate with.
this is the process of going without practicing intimacy
with yourself by practicing it with all thats outside of
you so that you may experience that intimate connection
from within that you so long for because in that moment
you dont know of any other ways to acheive that feeling
other than getting it from that which is outside of you.
in the long run you discover that the intimate connection
that you find from that which is outside of you is directly
connected to the intimate connection thats inside of you
because it takes whats within you to acknowledge that which
is withoutside of you. in order to experience this unity
you first must heal the your psyche and the perception
that youre isolated and seperate from this unity with
what is outside of you and what is going on within you.
it can even be a garden or feeding local birds in the
park or taking a stroll out in nature and being with the
feelings of the wind or leaning upagainst the tree or
even hugging the tree or listening to the birds and
paying attention to how you feel while listening to the
birds talk and the wind flowing around and you feeling that
and the joy that comes form that along with the unsettling
feelings when the wind lets your ego down because it doesnt
give the ego what it expects.

this is also where promiscuity comes from. again its your
desire to fulfill that current understanding of what it means
to you to love yourself and another. its lust at the root of
the experience. an insatiable irresistable for some temptation
to have sexual intercourse with a willing body. and for those
who go for the unwilling bodies enjoy the consequences of that
action you selfish chidlish being. theres also this situation with
couples in society today where for either partner its not
okay for him or her to look at another beings body and enjoy
the sight of what they see because their partner identifies
with his or her ego and so they get jealous or angry even
desiring to seek out revenge upon their partner for this
action. this stems from identification with the ego's fear
of the death of the relationship and of you being the love
you are. he or she can get rather irate about the experience
and take it out on either themselves or their partner
which either way is still taking it out on themselves and
everyone else simultaneously. it also stems from their
identification with the egos desire to control the situation
at hand and to get what it wants out of it for its own
selfish chidlish gain.

another experience that also takes place is where the couples
have time apart from being around themselves and they go
through withdrawl symptoms like a drug addict. they turn into
a completely miserable being and may even start questioning
whats really going on with the relationship and may even seek
out a girl or their good friend to talk about it and ask
for advice on what to do when in most cases not everyone knows
the best advice to give when it comes to lifes situations.
and thats perfect because it allows the being to go within
themselves and discover for themselves what it is that they
should do about their lifes situations and how to best work
with it so it brings about the smoothest of changes that
can possibly take place and in that experience is the inquiry
into the self and the dawning of knowledge of the self which
is irreversably integrated into the beings consciousness.

then theres the situation that unfolds after the couples
honeymoon phase of the relationship where the egos superiority
complex comes out. do this or do that you can do this you
cant do that i dont trust you why are you making me so miserable
why are you doing this to me why cant you do the dishes right
now im busy watching a football game or can you go to the store
i dont feel good and an argument breaks out about well if you didnt
go outside without a shirt in the winter time you woldnt be sick
and then comes the misunderstanding of dealing with sickness
and experiencing ones joy of being a biological being inside
a biological self aware co creative reality. and learning from
the consequences
of ones actions at all times and seeking to rectify the
situation so as to uplift everyone.

theres also the situation that unfolds with the parents who identify
with their egomind deeply and only come out of the identification
once in a while or sometimes none at all and are raising children
and pass along all those misunderstandings. the unconscious
indoctrination of the youth from generation to generation.
then theres the challenge for the child to deal with when it comes
to questioning the nature of themselves and reality and all life
as a whole and what is the purpose of all this along with the
challenges of going to school and having to deal with the willfull
desire to keep the system going just the way it is due to the
beings identification with their ego's fear of the unknown.
theres also the challenge of dealing with public authority figures
enforcing rules that you feel are unethical and your desire to
question that too. then theres the inner challenge of you facing
your own ego's contenment brought on by creations will to nurture
you into discovering who and what you are by being with who and what
you are not simultaneously. and thats the inner challenge that we
face which is also faced by us from every direction by everyone
else on the planet back at us from every direction and same for
everyone else incarnated with us.

theres also the situation we have at hand today with beings
who identify with their egominds conditioned state where
the being within actually believes the thoughtforms that nature
is fucked up and do not know what its doing and that the animals
and plants and the planet itself is not only not conscious of you
feeling the way you do and you being conscious but that actions
must be taken to rectify this situation immediately and anyone
who doesnt do it the way they desire it to be precisely
then they arent helping you and everyone else involved and are
seen as worthless. these beings who experience all of this/these situations
that ive mentioned thus far in this entry cannot see the forest
for the tree's and neither can they see the atoms that makeup
the tree's and neither can they see the being that makes up
the atoms and the personality that is the being that makes up
the atoms and that the atoms themselves are backed up by the same
source of energy that backs you up and all the rest of life up
at the same time.

another situation that takes place in society with beings who
identify with their ego and others ego's is the whole religious
debate or desire to not debate at all and stick to their egos
desire to have beliefs about reality and the superficial joy
that comes from indoctrinating themselves and their children into the same
belief systems or indoctrinating them into feeling that its
okay to have a belief system period. im not saying its not
okay to have a belief system because it takes investigating
into the belief systems that are contained within the conditioned
ego to even acknowledge your true nature from within the heart
of your being to even experience what it feels like to
experience life without the desire to have a belief system
and to see from that place within your consciousness
thus your experience of seeing the difference between your
nature and the nature of the conditioned egomind and its nature
to be unquestioning of reality and its desire to place you into
conflict at all times just to it can keep itself in tact because
you yourself are naturally an inquisitive being made of a similiarly
uniquely equal multidimensional eternal connection to love.
these beings who identify with their conditioned egomind as being
who they are get upset with you when you share your solidified
knowledge of what it is that you are aware of. they have no problem
telling you how youre wrong and that the way spoken of in their
religious book of choice is the only way to god through a specific
savior but also have no problem telling you not do what theyre doing
which is completely true and is "the slip" of where the being
within comes out real quick to tell you the truth of the experience.
this slip happens often everywhere you go it happens. its essentially
them nurturing you of what behaviors are best not acted upon unless
of course youre with your group of friends and youre doing comedy
relief.

im also not saying that religions are bad either. you can find
a whole plethora of knowledge from within those books just as
long as you do not willfully ignore what you feel within yourself
and why it is that you feel the way you do. just like
any book you find on any shelf anywhere on this planet. you can
and will find knowledge being taken in by you from every direction.
the knowledge you can find within the religous books is the same
knowledge you can find in a geniunely well written book about
the nature of enlightenment. moral compasses or ethical guidance.
the only difference is is the fact that the religious books
are not completely direct in words and at the same time are direct
in words. another situation that
takes place in society today is the focus on the words themselves
and the willfull ignorance of the feelings that arise within you
from reading the words. when youre willfully ignoring the feelings
that arise within you from reading the words or willfully ignore
the words and all thats around you outside or ignore this within
you but not that other aspect thats within you and choose another
aspect thats outside of you but not another part of reality thats
outside of you then again youre missing the point because you're
identifying with the conditioned control mechanism that is the
egomind itself and its need to have conflict and belief systems
to keep itself intact in the here now. the answers and insights
you are looking for in the outside world and feel as though thus
far you havent been able to find them is that way because you arent
listening close enough to your own internal guidance which is
intimately connected to the outside guidance as well.

all words are encoded with seeds of consciousness and
in the very center of all the seeds is the seed of consciousness
that you are and all the other seeds are reliant on you and you
rely on all of them. these encoded seeds of consciousness
are mathematical equations.



hilarion