Hello fellow Light Lovers! my name is Steve B, and im new here, this is my first entry, and im coming in with a bang!
i don't quite know where to start this, but once i figure it out, the rest should just flow naturally outta my fingers :)
Allow me please to share some intimate and personal details about my awakening. this might be quite long, but once you start reading it shouldn't take long at all to finish. its a story that flows well, i will do my best to keep it as clear as possible.
This all started in 2007. a near-death experience was what triggered this entire new life. all my life, i had perfect health, with the exception of allergies, i was allergic to damn near everything lol. also, as far back as i can remember, i didn't believe in aliens, or ufo's, or abductions, i believed in god and that was how i felt about life. there was no religion in my eyes, religion and my experiences of TRYING to be a church-goer, was always redirected due to personal issues that kept leading me away. i was even harassed by my youth group coordinator at church! these were (at the time) unrecognized signs that support my life long decision to not fall into any one religion, as long i believed in a higher power, in my case, i had the christian/baptist belief system. except i wasn't extremely active about it. i didn't practice prayer, nothing. i believed in God, and thats where it began as well as ended.
thats enough about my history i guess, lets get started with this month of transformations.
there were THREE incidents that i could died from, in fact, im three times as lucky to be alive! each time was different in its own ways, but they all had something in common. i would black out every time. whether i was consciously acting out or laying dead, i wouldn't have known. there are only small and blurry bits n pieces of those moments that i can recall, but cant completely remember or put my state of mind back into those shoes, sorta speak! anyways, the first incident now:
i went to bed the night before i never woke up, nice n healthy. i had sugar in my body, i ate a bowl of cereal, drank some milk, smoked a bowl, and crashed out. however, i never awoke on my own, i normally didn't sleep past like 7:00 a.m. but this day it was so late that my uncle was already awake and getting ready for work. he came in my room and saw me laying in my bed completely pale, he said it scared him to see me like that and he tried to get me up. something i said had him thinking i was okay and i would get up, maybe he thought i was drugged up or coming off some drugs or something, i don't really know but his sense of urgency wasn't quite there yet. i felt i had to go to the bathroom really bad, so this is where it all starts.
i slowwwwwly crawl out of my bed, and realize i have no balance, i cant even really see! what i DO remember is this: i sit up on the edge of my bed, trying to collect myself. my door is to the left in front of me, about ten feet away, from there, the bathroom is right around the corner to the right, not a long journey at all! but i didn't know where i was for some reason, so i didn't know where the bathroom was, or how to get out of my own bedroom. i try walking to the door, im so off balance, and everything is gold and blurry/smokey, in my head, i was either in heaven, or in japan. i know lol random right?! anyways, im stumbling over my bass guitar amp, crashing into the walls, i accumulate some pretty nasty scrapes on my elbows and knees, finally after trying sooo hard to find my way out of my bedroom, after falling into the wall, and over my amp and bass guitars, i just straight up collapse on the floor probably a foot from my bed, i didn't get very far =\ i still have to use the bathroom tho! im on my back laying on the floor, not thinking clearly, but i managed to pull my pants down a lil, expose myself enough to urinate all on my stomach… it was disgusting but i felt so relieved to finally pee! but now a new problem presents itself.. i cant figure out how to pull my pants back on and button or zip them. my carpet was stained. and im laying there in my own urine, dying. i fade out again, and somehow ended up back on my bed, im awoken by my cell phone, it was my mom.
i had barely enough energy to answer the phone, and i can hear everything my mom is asking me, but i cannot for the life of me respond at all! i kept fading out while she was talking, i was trying to stay alive and answer her but nothing i did was working. my body was just about completely shut-off. i had no clue where i was, my uncle was lardy gone for work and that turned out to be what got my mom to call me, he was worried and called her to check on me, he had to go to work and couldn't stay there with me but thought i should probably go to the emergency room. and my mom agreed. so she and my lil brother come by, and i don't remember what they did while we were in my bedroom, or in the apartment at all, in fact, this is where im totally blacked out. i don't even know how the hell my mom got inside! surely i didn't walk down the stairs and unlock the door and let them in and walk back to my room and fall into my bed half dead again! lol! must have been FATE that they were able to get int. i would have died in my bed if they weren't able to get inside probably. but anyways moving on with the story!
they got me to the car, and take me to the emergency room, i cant recall anything about the ride there, i don't remember anything until im in the wheelchair being wheeled into the hospital. this is where the strange stuff starts happening… my first out of body experience. and im going to explain it as openly as i can here.
once im in the hospital bed, im blacked out again. it must have happened while i was being wheeled in, im unsure myself. all i know is i was once again faded away. except this time, i was actually out of my body, i was chilling up in the corner of the room, looking down at my vegetable-ised body, watching my family around me looking worried, and i see the doctors trying to get an IV in my arm, they prick me several times and cant find a vein. while im up there looking down at everyone from a third person perspective it felt like, all i can explain about this, is it was DULL at the time, i saw gold, i felt like i was a golden orb just floating up there and simply OBSERVING everything. i remember i had no thoughts, no emotions, no nothing while i was in that form. its as if my only purpose was to observe and thats IT. except!
no matter how un-exciting that was, i learned something thru this… there is something out there watching over me, and im that person. i want to explain some minor details about what the docs discovered.
overall, they never concluded a diagnosis. they had no idea what was wrong, but they did notice some things that weren't right, with no idea why it was happening to me, i had no warning signs or symptoms for anything, i just for some reason was severely dehydrated, so much so that my veins had collapsed, which is why they couldn't find a vein for the IV's. My blood sugar/glucose level was 26! (normal levels are 80-90 or so) so basically, over night my body was almost completely rid of sugar, and fluids, my veins had collapsed, and there was no infection they could find, this is probably one of those freak incidents, which in my case, had to happen to get me out of that life i was stuck in. which wasn't good by the way, but thats a whole noter story i don't feel i should get into. it also showed me there is a spiritual realm out there nobody can see until they are IN IT!
ANYWAYS! finally the docs were able 2 get in a couple iv's, i wasn't a golden orb in the corner of the room anymore, i woke up and heard "wow im really surprised you're able to communicate with us right now" they admitted, i was extremely lucky to be alive, and they haven't seen anything like that before. i knew deep down, that one of two things were happening. either im being given a second chance, or i was being shown something i needed to start understanding and believing in, because before this, my belief system was fucked completely, i thought i was open minded and knew all about myself but i couldn't have been more wrong! now all of a sudden, i knew i had to make some changes. but i had no clue how to go about doing that. lucky for me tho… or unlucky.. however you choose to look at it, this happened to me again, two more times actually.
so to catch y'all up here before i move on, the first incident, i woke up with no sense of balance, or knowing where i was. my veins had collapsed, my skin was pale, and my blood sugar level was 26, i will attach photos! =)
moving on to the second time this happened… i know, and it gets worse. took about a week to recover to where i was able to be normal again.
the next time it happened, was worse.
this time it happened while i was driving. thankfully nobody was in the car with me. i get pulled over for speeding, thank god the cop was nice and let me use my get out of jail free card lol. which dont really exist but he shoulda taken me to jail but let me off with the speeding ticket as long as i promised to get the ticket taken care of so his name isnt shown as my ticket issuer if i decide not to take care of anything. its weird but i was glad lol anyways. after that i drive off, then this is the time i black out! i dont remember anything from here, but i do remember my tire blowing out, thank god i was near the parking lot. i wake up a lil back to reality when im in the parking lot with my friend samantha, i need to change the tire. doesnt work bc i black out AGAIN but this time, Sam tells me i couldnt figure out how to jack my car up and put the spare on... i was slurring my words and not making any sense, i guess i was worried my sugar was getting low so i made her buy me an energy drink, and she started worrying about me so she called my dad saying i need help something is wrong with me. so he meets us where we were and thought i was fucked up on drugs, i wasn't, but i was looking pretty bad… he didnt let me drive so he put my spare on and drove me to my moms. this is where they both tell me i acted really weird.
I was wired off my ass, FULL of energy this time! i was up until 7 the next morning speeding around and shit and drooling all over. for whatever reason, i needed a specific piece of paper out of my car, i was freaking out about that paper so my mom takes me to the car to get it, i kno exactly where to look, i knew what i was looking for, its a receipt! (???wtf right???) i take it in the dining room and like.. i set it on the corner of the table, i sit in the chair and lay me head down equal to its height/position on the table. i talk to it lovingly and pet it they said... but i did it for a while...
finally i wake up around 9 or ten. and head back home. my car's tire is blown out, so a spare is on.
that morning is the worst black out of them all… finally after the drama i wake up to reality, completely normal again but im hearing stories about what i did last night and being questioned if i had taken any drugs, they said they wanted to hear me say i took druigs so they can take me to a doctor and find out what drugs they are and help me or whatever they just wanted to know there was something wrong and what it was you know... cuz doctors have been running blood tests and urinalysis on me and dont have an explanation yet, so they were hoping drugs would be it. so it can be fixed.
i explain i wasnt on any drugs! and sure enough, at that moment, barely an hour at the most after i woke up. ANOTHER black out occurs! with no warning just like the rest but this one hit me hard! im just walking down the hall towards my bedroom, and for no reason at all, i spit out the word "FUCK" and collapse on the spot. it just happened instantly. i fell straight to the floor right then and there. my uncle and dad help me to the couch, shannon tells me i sat on the couch and kicked my legs straight out and my arms and hands as well, i started drooling really bad and shaking hard and fast and my eyes rolled back too... i was having a fucking seizure... and i was extremely heavy; a deadweight. they couldnt carry me so they dragged me carefully down the stairs into the car or truck i dont remember how i got there but i remember being wheeled in on another wheelchair, waking up in another damn emergency room with a dif doctor... telling me im lucky once again.
so that concludes mostly those near death experiences i have been thru to become aware of what i am now. if you would allow, i want to copy and paste a blog entry i wrote around 2009 i believe, it was what changed my belief system of aliens and ufos. until this blog entry, i would laugh so hard at you if you sounded so convinced you or someone you know was abducted by aliens. that was one thing i thought i would NEVER believe! but then… after these incidents, my dreams were getting cranked up and extremely weird and vivid.. so with that being said, i would like to share my own alien abduction "dream" with y'all total strangers whom i choose to confide in this beautiful day!
i think i got abducted by aliens last night. im serious
i feel retarded typing this out lol
and i felt retarded when i woke up for even WONDERING if i did or not.
right now, i think it may have just been a dream. but then i was researching and everyone who claimed to have been abducted at one time, said it felt like they were in a dream. a very vivid dream. and this is so freakin clear to me i can verbally re-enact my dream to the level of detail as far as the colors, where i was, who was with me, what plants were around me and even thoughts running thru my head, and overwhelming emotions that eventually woke me up. but um...
this is gunna sound weird lol, really weird probly, i dunno. but i swear this is legit and what happened. ima explain it as if it was a dream. cuz i think thats all it was and it hopefully wont sound so weird then lol.
so im with my mom, dad, and little brother kevin and we are riding in a car going somewhere, (the fact this part is so unclear to me is why i think it started as a dream, cuz other than this, whatever happened before this in my dream, i dont remember at all; just like a normal dream lol. i never remember mine and defly dont dream in color lol) and we had to pull over on the side of the road for some reason. but when i got out of the car the entire scene changed. we were in a desert now. and instead of everything being black and white. everything was brown and shades of such, to an extent.. the car was a rusty red, and not even our car.. it was a piece of shit i never seen before, and i dont even know if my parents were still in it or not. but something started happening and i got a strong negative feeling, and then the world flashed a purple cloud-type pattern that last like half a second.
i say the world flashed because, whatever the flash was, it took up my entire line of sight, i felt like that flash was seen at 360 degrees, or in third person.. anyways kevin was running to the car, ahead of me about 50 feet. not far at all. i was catching up but then just as kevin was starting to crawl into the car and i was yelling help to the top of my lungs... i found myself absolutely absent of life, and floating. now, i could still see, and think, but i couldnt move or talk, i was in mid air laying straight on a flat circle type of glass bed, doing slow backflips on it just thinking all kinds of things and feeling scared to death cuz i dunno WTF is about to happen.. am i gunna die or they gunna let me come back? it was mirrored on the outside. i entered some freaking flying ship (go figure, im defly full of shit now huh) just flipping backwards slowly and but i entered all dramatic-like, it turned out that the way and speed i was flipping backwards was fuckin with my head somehow and it helped secure the way the circle bed thing fit on the ship where i layed helpless.
now this is where i wake up! thats why i think this is all a fuckin dream cuz i didnt even get 2 see the people, the room didnt seem like it was all white or anything, as soon as i entered that ship i felt so overwhelmed with emotions that i was forced to wake up and i was wide awake at no later than 4:30 this morning! i took a piss and relaxed a minute, and went back to sleep just fine..
here is what i found out tho.
google has told me (lol) that maybe i feel its a dream bc i was simply dreaming when it happened, and bc i suddenly "woke up"
except im not thinking that if i was abducted (that words sucks its so stupid lol) that i wouldnt know what happened to me i woulda been blacked out thanks to the aliens having super mind powers or some shit.
which explains many things i was wondering about.
so now im left here as some dude who disbelieves in aliens and shit and never liked 2 hear about ppl's alien stories, only to tell one that felt pretty freaking intense lol.
what do you guys think? i am left stuck in half way between the two.. i amc onvinced it was a dream but suddenly after researching thru google i dunno wtf to think now!
why didnt i get 2 see those lil aliens first like the weird-o's on the discovery channel?! i woulda loved to see how cool they looked if theyd let me remember lol. fuckers :(
blah blah this is retarded. i feel so stupid typing this out. i better get some damn thoughts and opinions from yall!
since then, i haven't had another episode like that. in fact ive been pretty darn healthy if you ask me! but things started changing in my life, my dreams started getting really weird and vivid, i have had dreams where i literally float out of my sleeping body and realize i have no balance, and wake up in a panic. vie read that those are called "astral projection" or "Lucid Dreaming" expect i never purposely induced those. they happened on their own, to be completely honest, all my life vie kinda been more scared than normal about lucid dreaming. i like to remain receptive in my dreams, not take control of them. but it was happening anyways. there have been so many abnormal things happening to me thru the years since these seizures and blackouts happened, and where has it led me? well… vie realized exactly whats going on with me, vie learned to meditate, and vie discovered a whole new world, in fact, my personality has changed almost completely, i lost almost every single friend, all i have is my family who listens to me talk about this stuff. nobody else wants to hear it! and i understand why, of course, i mean i was just like them before i went thru these phases. im quite young to be tired of sex and partying and that kinda stuff, but i was lardy partied and sexed out by the time i turned 18. so in a way, what kinda makes sense to me, is that thats what i planned for myself, get all the fun crap outta my system early on, and find out why im really here, what my purpose really is. an i sit here today, happier than i could imagine i'd ever be. so to end this here, i wanna say one thing. you gotta hit rock-bottom, to climb to the top! why? there are certain obstacles closer to the top, that u wont be able 2 get over without certain experiences and knowledge. in order to gain that knowledge and experience, u got go to the lower areas where they rest. what you make of your life, is all on you. cuz we do in fact have total control of what our life turns out to be, and we cannot blame or give anybody else credit except for ourselves! =) peace, love, and light my brothers and sisters. i hope to one day meet all of you in the cosmos, and hear your stories of awakening as well. :) have a great day y'all! I LOVE YOU!
thank you for hearing me out and taking time to read this. i hope it held your interest, as i put in quite a tremendous amount of effort and time typing this out.