amissvik's picture




I find that there are many things occurring, sort of a procession of miracles, synchronicities, happy accidents and ease in my life now. It has all gotten very easy and enjoyable, and I find that there are moments that I am unable to do anything but just shake my head and grin, because there is just nothing at all to be upset about, fear, be anxious about, or dislike very intensely.


That is not to say that I have one of those bizarre lives where I deny strife or pretend that “negative” emotions have been purged from my “lower body.”


That is dualistic, mechanistic and undisciplined thinking.


This physical life, this is all just a drama, and the first two acts of my play are complete. I have been backstage just twiddling my thumbs for quite a while now, wondering what is going to happen next.


It has finally dawned on me that I am what is going to happen next.


Although I have, up to this point, done a great job at disowning the process I just put myself through, it is now time to own just what it is that I have created. I had been, I think, knee deep in the creating of the thing, and finally gave myself a moment or two to just gawk at this, to try to really GET it, and now it is time to once again engage in this game, but in a much different way.


I excused myself from myself last January, January 25, 2012, to be exact. That is the day I walked away from my old life. That was the day act two ended.


I have spent the intervening time being unashamedly self absorbed.


I make absolutely no apologies for this choice.


I unhooked from the general agreement field. One does NOT have to walk away from their lives as they recognize them to go COMPLETELY off the grid. I have always been “different,” and this palpable weirdness has made for an awkward go. I now understand that I just am built in a way that allows for the sensing and understanding of subtleties many of my peers do not notice. I used to kick myself for that. I used to hate myself for it, this weird difference I carried in me. Not anymore. I sidled right up to it for a year, let it whisper and scream at me, let it wipe my slate clean, clear a hundred pounds off my frame, re-order my work, family and home lives..... I left the agreement field I'd been plugged into my whole life and engaged in free fall. The results have been highly gratifying.


And I will tell you, in no particular order, the things I think that have taken me off the grid. Maybe you are also walking in this nether space, this place of waiting for the rest of your friends to catch the fuck up. Here are some of the things that I actually KNOW, and each and every one of them make me weird, a freak. If anything, in this year, I have learned to unfurl and let my freak flag fly. Everybody's got one. That's the punch line. Every single one of us. So, lemme hoist up a few of my freak flags and let them fly. Maybe you'll recognize them.


1 – I am here, and I presume all of us are here, because I LIKE IT HERE. It is awesome and beautiful and complex and dizzying and overwhelmingly stimulating. All the talk I have done about not wanting to be here is a metaphor for wanting to be conscious of the love that imagines, innervates and breathes me. That is a terrible and complete loneliness. Nothing else compares to that isolation. I am glad that it is over. I no longer miss home, though. I understand that this is one of my homes. One of them.


2 – I really do see a time when locks and gates and things like that are just obsolete. When it just doesn't make sense to not feed someone who is hungry or shelter someone who is without. And I can see a time when the energy exchanged for goods and even services is actually energy based, not token based. This speaks to the idea of absolute deserving, and how warped our token economy has become.


3 – Twice now I have been aware, in the wee hours once, and once in meditation, of an awareness asking me, “Do you really think that it's air you are breathing?” Now, I know this is from The Matrix movie, but it was so immediate and real, this voice, this awareness. Because as the voice asked that, it's as if the air turned into this thick substance that was hypothetical. Does that makes sense? I realized that even the air we breathe, apart or beneath or within its chemical composition and physical properties, is a thought. It's an idea. And if the very air I breathe is a thought, What does that make the “me” “breathing” it?


4 – I believe that what I am made of, the essence which give structure and purpose to my cellular integrity, is pure love, pure thought, pure energy. I refuse to use the word “God” anymore, although it would be fitting here. I may substitute “God” with “All That Is,” but in my travels, I have come to understand that there is so much to discover and hold holy in one's own consciousness, and there is so much room in one's own psyche, that the concepts of gods and angels and ascension and all that stuff just falls away. Of course there is a reason for this amazing adventure. But it is not to please some god, it is not to reach a state of absorption WITHIN that god. I think it is something else all together. We have been taught that everything is outside, and we were created with an unholy apology burning in our mouths. I think that is horsehit. Everything is inside, gods and angles included.


5 – My relationship with money is not my parents' or my sisters' or my neighbors'. I have grappled with it, and I have made peace with it. It has something to do with putting my worth outside, and misunderstanding outer worth for inner worth. When I am doing that, and judging my progress of goodness in dollars, then I am playing a little game with myself, and making sure that having very little is part of the ground rules. If I want to believe that having money means I am good, and being poor means I am bad, then I will need to be spending some hard time poor, to really get the message. There are many messages in poverty. That one needs very little to be content. That in the physical, it is enjoyable but not mandatory to have a back up plan. That this is not a lifetime about survival. I see money now less a or enemy than I have in the past. I enjoy going to work, and find that I have money in my account each Friday. So for the moment things are not tortured. They are not healthy, but I am not tortured about the unhealthiness, and that's a start. Having enough has a lot to do with believing that I am enough, but it's at a bone level, not an airy-fairy coffee book or facebook poster level.


6 – I have found great value in walking away from my fellow man. I have bosom buddies, deeply cherished friends, but I have not enjoyed to company of others very much. It is painful being around some people for me, just really painful, sometimes physically so. And I really did not know, until this last year, what that was all about. I now know that I didn't think my sensitivity, my impressions were valid previously. When I felt anothers' reality, not really knowing what mine was, I would just take on the energy of whoever was around me. I picked this up in childhood, and at the time it served as an exquisitely clever coping mechanism. One cannot be harmed if one is able to be fully aware of the consciousness of the one doing the harm. You see? But this turned into a bad habit. So I took a year off, finally, when I was really just this side of a heart attack, and took it upon myself to figure out what the hell is ME and what the hell is the OTHER. I had lived 50 years AS the other. It was time to figure out just who had been observing all of this nonsense. So walking away was a good choice for me. I still worked, but sporadically and at only when I felt up to it. I layed fallow. I took two trips. I wrote a book and I read voraciously. I made myself the highest priority known to man. And it worked. Now, in a room of people of varying awareness, I can hold my own. I now know how I feel, how I think, what thoughts are mine, what thoughts I know to be true, and most of the stuff I am then exposed to myself has begun to look like just sheer and utter nonsense, the stuff holding the attention of my peers these days.


7 – I do not value an acquisitive lifestyle. I do enjoy shopping, I really do. But I don't think you will ever see me in a car, outfit or house which will engender envy. Sure, physical ease and sumptuousness are awesome, not to be missed, but geez, living in opulence, behind a guarded fence, squirreling cash away and refusing to assist those who could benefit form a little cash bomb, well, that is not my path. I like my Goodwill clothing and cheap smokes. I come from wealth, so it is not as if I do not know of the finer things in life. But they are a sideshow, a distraction. Nice, fun, but not a source of self love or soul affirmation. That's a trick of the light, a little device placed in the mix to rise above, I think. I have no animosity toward those who value money more than I, but I no longer allow those sorts to put me down for my own values. Have you noticed, though, that for some reason, acquisitive people are pretty insistent that their way is the only way. They are a little pushy. This crap has even made its way into religion, the idea that if God loves you, he'll gift you, and if you are poor, you're not doing God right. Those words, those thoughts, are highly blasphemous, and most frequently spouted by “New Agers”. It's a sickness, really.


8 – I think we have actually made a physical grid of energy. I see it as gold, and it is all lit up. It wasn't glowing so hard a few months earlier. I can feel you now in a way I couldn't before. I know that we are connected, and that we are doing great things on the other side, bringing them back, and gaining speed. I don't know who all is on the grid. I can feel myself on a grid though, a node on a round gold grid, and this grid has instantaneous communication, instantaneous communication and aid. Everything is available all the time. How much do you want? A lot? Then you are REALLY going to get out of your own way.


9 – This psychical life is a a shadow play, a drama that we create in real time as a great lark. Yes, death is real, because it removes your playing piece, but death does not destroy the hand that was moving the piece around. You see, my concept of God has largely been replaced with the concept of Self. That my greater self is so stunning, so incomprehensible, that getting to know ME, just ME, is more than enough for the remainder of this lifetime. If I just keep this focus, ahh, all is well.


10 – While I am blaspheming all over myself, telling you how I think that the totality of me is far more interesting than any human-construct of God, I may as well tell you that I think all this talk of UFO's and Galactic Federations and Ashtar Commands is largely silliness. Although I find great truths buried in the channelings from folks who feel these energies, I really do think that ascribing identity to these beings as someone other than Self might be stretching it.

I think these beings are “future” projections of consciousness, future aspects of ourselves. We can access their knowledge. I really do think they are just our generation's version of angels. That is not a bad thing and does not invalidate the experience, but I think the definition we have given these experiences and idle thoughts are incorrect, or not as broad as they could/should be. I think the answers are much more astounding than the mechanistic explanation of reverse magnetics and quantum transference of energy. If we are here on this blue planet, thinking and eating and eliminating and ignoring the divinity and beauty right under our own noses, then I think it well within reason to assume that there are other poor bastards on some other star trying to get a grip on what it means to be Saturnian or Venusian or Betelgeusian. Hell, it's possible. But I think that to consider theses entities as foreign or alien is really dumb. They are about as alien as my left thumb is to my hand. I think we need to change the verbiage. UFO's and Aliens... lump 'em all together and call them ELFE's, Entities Largely Focused Elsewhere.

To translate non-physical, or barely-physical phenomena is natural. The definitions tell you more about the receiver of the vision than the vision itself. I'm just sayin'.


That's all I have for today.


Maybe you will consider none of these thoughts outrageous at all. What a relief that would be! But even if you see me as a madwoman, I have been pushed to tell you of things that are very rarely discussed in new age journals. Blasphemies, some of them. I know. Indulge me.


Maybe the freaks will inherit the earth. That'd probably not be a bad idea, actually. We are a peaceful tribe, well-adjusted, easy going, permissive, but just so very tired of the nonsense. Let's see about cutting down on that. Maybe this epistle will help.











Very interesting point made

Aaron Asphar's picture

Very interesting point made here:

"While I am blaspheming all over myself, telling you how I think that the totality of me is far more interesting than any human-construct of God, I may as well tell you that I think all this talk of UFO's and Galactic Federations and Ashtar Commands is largely silliness. Although I find great truths buried in the channelings from folks who feel these energies, I really do think that ascribing identity to these beings as someone other than Self might be stretching it.

I think these beings are “future” projections of consciousness, future aspects of ourselves. We can access their knowledge. I really do think they are just our generation's version of angels. That is not a bad thing and does not invalidate the experience, but I think the definition we have given these experiences and idle thoughts are incorrect, or not as broad as they could/should be."

I came to a similar conclusion: the source of channelled info I think is the same as the source of the original religious documentation. It is source, one from our lower nature (I see you don't like the dualism but recall, we come from duality), and another is what we can ascend to - the higher consciousness. Most channels are from the lower nature which uses the brain for language/thought forms hence it is really pretty arbitrary, and I agree - silly, to designate specific identities, though it does seem to be a bit of fun for the other side (and this side if that's what turns you on).

I also really appreciated your honest style, but in a similar spirit, I hope you don't mind me saying that I wouldn't dismiss any forms of human activity as stupid or 'undisciplined thinking': that theorization is meaningful and makes sense of where we come from, and actually is similar to Sri Aurobindo and The Mother's way of seeing ascension, and they, I would argue, were the most vindicated seers/gurus with regards their anticipation of this process of awakening and 'supermentalization'. The lower nature is ego, i.e. 'the peice' not the hand, but when the hand identifies with the peice as the peice, their reality is split, and it is appropriate to talk of a higher nature lost in a lower nature: why not? I only state as much because I love your honest style and the only vaguely offensive aspect was where you'd criticize fellow human beings in this rather rash way.

Also I totally relate to your attitudes re money - and I have to say, the law of attraction doesn't attract me at all - not really: unless it's used exclusively for service, it can only be deployed for egoism or local/extended egoism of family, friends or whatever. I rather think the whole idea MAY have been an evolutionary intervention: to derail those who were unable trully to discern between service and self-service - but I emphasize, it's just an idea. I really don't know the truth of the matter, but what I do know is there is something like a law of attraction but it works quite differently, to attract the situation or scenario that bests exposes areas of your self that require work - e.g. egoism, so perhaps the old law of attraction for getting what you want does have this validity - but it is obviously meant to go pair shaped or become empty in some way so that the egoist stops trying to milk spirituality for their own finite ends and starts pouring themselves into service.

Anyways, untimately, I know nothing. I enjoyed your write though - many thanks. xx

Universal mind... or somethings hapenning

Mario's picture

The concepts you brought up, are conected, your creational context has opened synchronistic events I notice strong clarity, either grid works pertaining as soul group or something affecting on grand scale by individual processing im not sure hahaha its amazing


take care


Point number six sensitivity

Salmasabri's picture

Im very much interested in point number 6. Im a very sensitive person taking up the energies of everything around me. I reduced my life to the minimum but im still not coping. Im about to lose my whole life includingy job if i didnt learn how to cope with the sensitivity. You mentioned we pick up othet moods as a coping mechanism. Can you shed more lights on that topic? Why would we do it and how did you finally manage to go to a crowded place without picking up energies? Thanks i really appreciate it