For the past 13 years, I've been doing something I'm no longer sure I enjoy. Actually, I dread it.
I used to love being a journalist. I even fancied myself as a writer. Writers depend on editors, all do. Good writers have good editors. At heart, I'm a communicator. Like most enthusiastic communicators I like writing, but conveying news is something professionals get trained for. After well over a decade of traveling the world, speaking with the brightest shakers and movers, I dread writing another story, interviewing another person, shooting another video, and God forbid, doing a podcast.
I've received the boot last week. It was embarrassing, humiliating, ego-bruising and crushing. But why didn't I pay more attention to this creeping feeling? It was only getting worse. Finally, a high-quality magazine asked me to write. The dream writing job. Good pay, illustrious, no comments, the dream. But I fear. I fret at night. Will I fail again? Where's the passion anyway?
Trinity Esoteric asks today: "...is this time serving the purpose of showing you how out of balance your life has become? Do you give and receive love?" It follows up with: "Are your connections based in the heart or out of obligation or habit?" Yikes, mine aren't, at least, not most of the professional ones.
It continues with: "Do you trust and have faith?" No, not really anymore. If I quiet enough, I hear the inner Master.
"Do you really walk your talk?" Not sure I do... anymore.
"Do you lead through your own truth and energetics?" I'm not sure where to begin when all I want to do is stop and sleep, catch my breath, and take it easy until something comes up again.
Yet, I celebrate another chapter as a communication consultant. That seems to be doing well. But I'm scared. I'm double-guessing myself for the first time in my life. How interesting. When did I become like this? Am I slowing down? All I want to do is to go live with my family, a return home of sorts.
It's hard to tell when something is over at times. But if we don't acknowledge it, life can make sure we hear it, sometimes unceremoniously.
I'll end with this, since I resonate with it so well: "While it may seem like a lot, you are being given the space to explore, to reevaluate, and to give yourself a much firmer foundation before you move out into the world again. The wisdom and clarity that can come from this enforced time out is a wonderful gift that will serve you and others well when you move out of the ebb phase of internal expansion into the action phase of external expansion. ~Archangel Gabriel through Shelley Young" Oh yes, it sure feels like it.