Once upon a time, as you thought you knew Life, Life couldn’t go fast enough. You eagerly awaited growing up, and you had the feeling that Life was a Vast Field spread out before you, a Gold Mine to tap into, perhaps a Sparkling Map that would open itself before you, or a Golden World that held its arms wide open to embrace as you danced about in it.
There was a time when Life was right before you and endlessly before you. It seemed forever. It is possible to say that you had a Sense of Invincibility. Where did that go to? Where is Invincibility stored? Did it fall off the edge of the world? Or has the world ever existed really with you in it?
Now you may find more years to look back on and a tendency perhaps to think of Life as suddenly petering out and, as if all the past didn’t take long at all. In fact, it was a blink of an eye. The past went away somewhere.
You may have come to a vague sense of the non-existence of time, sort of as if time and all your years in it were a comet that zoomed so fast before you that you may wonder if Life might have skipped over you without your knowledge.
At this present teardrop of time, you almost come to believe that time, as you know it, doesn’t exist, never was, just something that fooled you into thinking that Life was not a passage or even an occurrence, as if Life made itself up and had nothing to do with you, as if Life were, indeed, a dream you had, perhaps that Life, your Life, was not even a span, that Life was more like an accumulation of quickie made-up thoughts where you talked yourself through a nothingness you called thought. Your whole story was perhaps no more than etcetera and etcetera as though mumbled. Was your Life expressed? Did you express it? What is this that is called Life really anyway?
At this point in your Life, you may almost accept that time and space never were, not that you want to accept that. You want Life on Earth to be of the Utmost Importance.
Now, further, you may even begin to wonder if you ever existed except in your thoughts. You may wonder further about the validity of even thoughts and who thinks them and what they amount to. Whose thoughts are they that appear and disappear in a flash? You wonder what these so-called thoughts have to do with you or anything anyway.
You cannot grasp time in your hand. Time flew out the window. In words, you can almost accept that time really and truly never was, that nothing ever happened, yet this doesn’t mean that you know Infinity or feel even a tinch of Infinity with you actually in it.
You don’t see Infinity laid out before you. The non-space of Infinity and the non-time of Eternity are something else, yet you do feel personally acquainted with them. Any such configuration escapes you. You may further worry that, in Infinity and Eternity, even the vagueness of you that seems to exist will disappear altogether. Hmm, where can you find yourself if you never really exist on the temporal plane of Life in the World in what can be called the Cosmos?
To your mind, even worse, even the worst of all as you see it, is that you are not sure that you even care much about whether time ever existed anyhow. When you come right down to it, after all is said and done, none of this may matter to you much at all. Life may be anti-climatic, and, after all, there really is not much to be said about Life at all.
Has your Life all come down to much ado about nothing?
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