Beloved, when I say there is no beginning and no ending, you may feel strongly that there must be some kind of finale to be done and over with. You ask Me:
“God, did not creation at least presumably exist before Your children could land on Earth, at the very least stuck in the illusion of the relative world? There has to have been at least a presumption of the illusory world as a given. At least, the extraneous world can truthfully be said to have been around before Your children arrived. Is this stated or understated? This gets wobbly for me.
“At least part of life exists straight up, God, for how You had to be here to greet Adam and Eve and to speak Truth now.”
I, God, think, speak, hear you tremble, and I love you. I see a reason for everything while you, Beloved, are baffled. What is all this about? Am I God, or am I not? It seems inevitably that I AM, yet then do I intimate that you are a cipher? I am not a Phantom God, yet you may feel left in a quandary about also being Me as well.
“Dear God, as it is, I ponder much. Yes, I do have great faith in You. Somehow or another, I must have some exacting faith in my Greater Self as well. God, do You see my complexity?
“Part of Me would like to be locked in place only so far. I would like to know Beingness once and for all, yet I don’t want to be locked down in place. I want Infinity and not to see my personal self as finite either. Too often, the life I seem to live hurts too much for me to accept it as legitimate.
“God, I don’t want to live in a world in the company of death as it is, falling on all as it is purported to be. It breaks my heart. Cannot true life stand on its own two legs? How can I condone to keep living in the company of such a thing as death, while my father and mother go off and die and, for all intents and purposes, leave me? How can I desire to crave living longer in an individual state of consciousness in a world where my mother and father and other loved ones are no longer? Yes, I understand there are practical reasons to account for death as well, and that these practical reasons would be hard to surmount– even as I understand that other reasons for such decisions would be difficult to surmount. Yet I keep coming up against the impossibility of consciously having my loved ones leave to what is called death. Of course, God, I have no choice but to not complicate Your current terms of life and death.
“We know, anyway, that this conversation is going on in my fantasy only. You do not give me the choice of life or death for my loved ones. This is how life is, like it or not. I don’t have the ability to bargain with the ground rules. Honestly, God, could I ever have the nerve to ask this of You? I guess I just want to go on record that despite the questions raised and all the years without, I would still want my parents to live forever. How have I stayed in the world without them?
“Of course, I sure don’t want any of the responsibility You have for running the Universe. Never do I much like responsibility in the first place.
“I couldn’t possibly come anywhere near You in choosing the colors of flowers to choose for Our World. What color of the sky of sunrises and sunsets could I have decided upon? No thank You, God. You lead, and I will follow.”
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