REALIZED – SACRILEGE AHEAD
I heard that the Essenes in particular were experts at forgery. They would make three or four seemingly authentic and legitimate religious texts, and only one would be 100% accurate, the others just varying shades of bogus.
I have thought a lot about that lately. After several months of everything being highly significant and relevant, some things have finally begun to fall away from my awareness.
It is as if I have gone through a long period of trying on everything in my closet. Every trend and fashion, from, “Without you, I am nothing,” to “A woman needs to have a career before she settles down,” to “Death is the end of my imagination.” I have twirled and sashayed in these old outfits, some for the last time. Many have disintegrated since I last tried them on. Some are lying in my dresser drawer, waiting for me to need them again. Others I wear daily, but only as accent pieces.
I mention this because there are certain conditions, certain situations, which simply no longer trigger me. I watch people react as they always do to these situations, and the emotions accompanying the phenomena just seem like an exhausting exercise in self discovery. Indeed it is.
Take death, for instance. Do you ever think, when watching a popular movie, or listening to a sick friend, that if they understood that death was just another step, just another change, the next big adventure, why then would people behave as they do? If they really GOT that death does not obliterate, but instead liberates? People pay a lot of lip service to this idea, but I see little evidence that people believe it.
What the gnostics failed demonstrate that truth is indeed self evident. The truth sits on the counter, next to the keys and the roll of stamps and paperclips. It sits and waits to be picked up and held, felt. You don't have to hide the truth, mar it with clever brushstrokes or slidy interpretations. You just have to state it, naked and simple, and it will just go unrecognized, undisturbed, unbelieved, avoided.
The thing is, truth has no shelf life. It just is. I kind of think of it like I do reincarnation or any other “out-of-mainstream” belief. You do not have to believe it for it to be real. Even reincarnation, which some of us think is pretty weird, or culturally unacknowledged, is but a metaphor, a shadow of the truth.
So I want to tell you of a few things that I think may be true. They deserve my attention because it is where my thinking ends up, and when I get to these cul-de-sacs, they are far more satisfying than currently available explanations.
I will tell you of only a few things that I think may be true. Truer than what we have chosen to believe thus far, let's put it that way. I have a few of them, and I'll introduce you to a few here, now.
If you are upset by any of these ideas, I encourage you to feel the upset, the rage, the whatever other feeling come up, and then please proceed directly to owning those feelings as your own. Maybe my words provoked your thinking, but your thoughts and feelings are all yours.
At the end of every statement and discussion, it would be totally appropriate to say the following, so I say it now, and you can refer to it after each section, ok? The statement is: I know this sounds really weird, but, to me, it feels kinda good, even though it's weird. I don't know if it's true. I know it's possible, because anything is. What do YOU think?
CAUTION: SACRILEGE AHEAD
1 – An agreement was made between men and women for this most recent experiment. The idea was that men would largely choose to integrate only the first three chakras. Their challenge would be to activate and then expand into the heart chakra. Women, on the other hand, agreed to develop only into the heart chakra. Woman’s challenge would be to engage their throat chakra.
Imagine. Half a native population agrees to act without a concrete frame of love, but instead agreed to operate from the framework of survival, primal forces, without really engaging the whole self. As per the agreement, the group who was the most shut down would be the ones we agreed to put in many, most positions of authority, of power. And there are the women, sitting on the sidelines, watching the guys duke it out, unwilling to whisper a word of criticism or caution.
Of course, the antidote to this hot mess is self discovery, self acceptance, and giving oneself permission to feel, think and be ANYTHING that comes to mind, without judgment. Moving into, activating, becoming, the higher chakra centers.
2 – Atlantis is a group memory of our future.
Enough said there.
3 – Some of the weird little personality things you have, the eccentricities which may even get in your way, the stuff psychologists or psychics would call “resistance” or “fear,” well, some of this weirdness is stuff we take on so that we will be more believable. If we came in too crystal clear, we'd be suspicious. So love your weirdness. Let your freak flag fly. It keeps you normal, keeps you under the radar, and makes it absolutely impossible to throw shade on anyone else, when you are your most honest.
4 – The sun is maybe a reflection of our group reality. Maybe the sun really is some sort of plasmic recorder, pulling into and pushing out energy which is cosmic, soulic, at its source. What if these solar flares and other anomalies are just the physical evidence of our work, our changes? What if the sun is more effected by us than we are affected by the sun? Would this mean that the theories of an extinction level radiation burst that Andov and others purport is simply metaphor?
5 – What of ascension, this thing we are all focused upon but don't really even understand, what if ascension is such a big deal because the way we are going to manage this energetic shift has never been tried before?
This is where I wish to end this discussion, with an earnest attempt at playing with the ascension concept some more.
I used to think that ascension would occur in a moment, a glittering, infinite moment of final reconnection with what is true. I would all at once be “taken up” or consumed in an energy which would then unlock or transform me into my totality. This earth illusion is a particularly dense one. There are less dense states. It makes sense that less dense states would be associated with light, and that purer, clearer thoughts would also have that association.
I have heard that ascension is when the physical, meaty body somehow switches on or activates, and turns into light. I've heard this has something to do with turning into silicon, or becoming silicon based, like crystals. And the acceptance of all this light, this has always implied that a death, or a transition, or a transmutation occurs, where death is not so much short circuited as absorbed.
OK, so I have struggled with this one.
Because my fear of death is nearly gone, I am less and less convinced that turning into a light body is such a great alternative. Ascension itself is a rebellious concept: do enough inner work and you don't have to die.
And that is why I now shy from this idea. Because I do not think that death is to be run from. Maybe it is optional. Maybe so. And maybe that is indeed what we are about to explore. But death, in and of itself, is an exhalation. It is the other half to just one equation. Being afraid of it, hating it, fearing, avoiding, bargaining with it, getting bummed about it, all super ok, but it is sort of like a child's response to a boogey man, not a realized person's response to a thought construct.
I would rather not have my loved ones die, because I like having them around physically to talk to and take vacations with. But, if a loved one dies, then I get to see them in other ways. It is so not the end. Remember that old poem, “and death shall have no dominion” ? All last night at work, the phrase I kept hearing, at the oddest times, was “And death has no dominion.” Again and again.
With that mind-set, switching on and turning into a beam of light seems highly avoidant.
I think the reason that no one can tell us why this ascension stuff is so unpredictable is because this sort of ascension has not been attempted before.
What I am sensing, what I think I know now, is that sort of burning through the illusion, moving from one reality into another with zeal and abandon, I am not convinced that can be done in a physical mechanism. I am not convinced it has been done before.
And I have to tell you, I must confess, I have thought many times that perhaps ascension is nothing more than a very benevolent way to get us all comfortable with an extinction level event. To get us all in a place where we know, we really know, that we are ok, regardless. Could all this light transmutation, all that stuff, be a memory of obliteration and rebirth?
I am going to write the next part without editorializing, and with as little conscious interference as possible. I believe it will be disjointed, but I can find no other way to access this next information.
All reality is personal. There is a mass reality which we all equally contribute to, and we are all engaging in the creation of this revolution.
Physical cells have within them a very high light capacity. It is possible for cells to glow, independently, and this glow can be seen as clear or pure light. This light also has a sound quality, an emotional quality, and a band of thinking within which there is comfort, and without which there is pain.
Movement from lower light quotients to higher light quotients require increasing levels of joy, unity, integration, acceptance, honor, freedom, respect of the individual and deep love for the whole.
We, each of us is a leaf on this tree. The tree is rooted in ancient magic, and is the ultimate alchemist. The leaves exist because of the tree. The tree exists because of the leaves. If each leaf on a tree begins to transform into something they have never been before, but for which they have always had the capacity, does this not transform the tree? What will the tree look like? I had a vision this morning while driving, of every tree's leaves sprouting miniature trees.
It was quite a site.
How can we know what will happen? “The outcome is assured,” we hear from any modern prophet with access to the internet. “The outcome is assured.”
Well, of course it is. Of course the outcome is assured. I mean, in the middle of the transition, those words kept me alive. But now, it just seems like the most obvious declaration. Of COURSE the outcome is assured.
But what it is we are doing? I think that ascension has happened again and again in other systems. It is just a word that is used to describe an energetic shift. A change of focus. That's all.
I hear of dimensions, and that one dimension is invisible to another. We label one dimension “lower”, one “higher.” Maybe each dimension can be looked at as valid, no better or worse than any other. Maybe each has a different set of sense organs, I don't know.
I think this is a time of great plasticity, and I think there are many masters afoot. I know of no spiritual warrior who is satisfied with being told, “there are just some things we cannot understand.”
I, for one, take great issue with that dismissive comment.
Who is anyone to tell me what I can and cannot understand?
Would that be the organized religions which so perverted Jesus' teachings as to render him a caricature? The community which tells me we are here on this planet through a series of impersonal, random accidents? The people who tell me I am nothing without a mortgage, a spouse, a miserable little life and happy creditors? The ones who put dead people on ventilators and IV chemicals in order to say that someone is alive?
Really?
Those folks are doing the very best they can, but their understandings fall too short of the mark to be taken seriously. How can I take seriously some of the stuff I see people accept hook, line and sinker? It's a study in abstraction, in mutation, in adaptation, and , dare I say it, evolution, to move past these old beliefs, move beyond old agreements, breaking them, discarding them. Actually, we don't have to go around breaking them. They are breaking apart all on their own.
So, I think this ascension process is just one of transformation, opening ourselves to more truth, more possibility, more freedom of thought and emotion, complete love and acceptance for self, which then can only but extend to other-love. And I don't think any of us are going to turn into crystals, or light balls, or anything like that. No.
And that is the revolutionary part, the cheeky part.
I think we have decided to do the never-done-before part by stretching the ability of the physical cells, stretching their capacity, tapping into ancient knowledge and rhythms, from which inner space can finally be revealed. And not within a spaced out, primitive, totally tapped in creature. No. This is an evolution into a physical person with all the attributes, all the abilities of any dimension desired, because the physical being has actualized, hooked in, become one with source. I am not convinced that particular trick has been done before. That is what is so amazing about what we are doing, and that is why I think we are all such awesome rebels and crazies.
The next part is an inside job, and whether we do it looking like light bulbs or like Homer Simpson, I think it is irrelevant.
I know that I have decided to stay on. And I understand that this is now that time. I think the ascension threshold was breached, and those light injections are much more plentiful now, more palpable, and we will become this light from the inside out.
I think that's the part about ascension that always stumped me, and this misinterpretation kept me at arms length from further realizations.
Ascension, becoming light, becoming consciously aware of how tapped into source we are to begin with, that is ascension. Becoming filled with light in one's mind, this illuminates everything, elucidates everything, validates all.
Knowing we see through eyes made of light, that is ascension.
And I think the process will continue, with gradual breakthroughs and thrilling, all-of-a-sudden miracles. All is incremental right now, but even the increments don't have to be maddeningly slow anymore, because if you are paying attention to just a sliver of your reality, really pay attention, you can see the while thing. Within one part is the whole.
Who knows if these ramblings upset or up-lifted you?
I know they seem right to me right now. And that is about the best I can do at this time. I used to muzzle myself if I thought I did not fully understand a concept. I think that was partly because there were few to discuss these esoterics with without there being some sort of visceral pulling back from my audience. But also, I think a part of me always knew the answers, and was embarrassed or downhearted for not remembering. It is this part of me that picked and poked at me, nearly driving me insane, making me explore and try out thoughts that brought about happy fascination and much needed relief from the oppression I knew physicality to be.
I feel there is more, but have no idea how to end. I like to think writing these things helps someone like me, living in obscurity, thinking great and powerful thoughts, feeling oddly abstracted in a world of absolutes and Other People's Feelings.
I know that it is time to engage. This traveling into abstraction has been a study in balance if nothing else. I know how much thinking I need, but am not as tuned into what else I might need. So, for the rest of this day, I will carry these cherished, weird thoughts with me. I'll smile a knowing smile while walking through the aisles and rooms of the rest of my day. I will think of this blog entry. I will be think about you.
I will feel your eyes, your heart, scanning my words, and I will know that I am connecting with others, while I am purchasing a book at the Goodwill, making supper for my son, starting in on my laundry.
And through the remainder of my day, I will change focus as often as I can, remembering that everything comes from the inside, inside out, Kathy, inside out.
And everyone is inside out. No one, no matter how hard they cry and how vehemently they disagree, the outside is symbolic for the inside. Everything comes from the inside out. Not the other way around.
Anyone who tries to tell me that my peace, my worth, my purpose or my validity is due to what I own or what I have done, said or left undone, unsaid, is functioning from a gross misinterpretation of the data. That's all. They are misguided. They are misinformed. And usually, they are utterly convinced that their misunderstandings are the only valid explanation there is. That's fine. We are coming to the end of their time. They are misguided. Not mean or evil. Misinformed. And nearly done throwing their considerable weight around.
There are reams, volumes, of information I need to share with you, stuff that really begs to be kicked around, discussed, tried out, felt and experienced and then either discarded or embraced. As a group, after having individual adventures with these thoughts.
I know we all have mighty and rousing discussions about this stuff at night, but I am so looking forward to having these sort of discussions out in the open and IN CONTEXT with others, with situations.
We have embraced eons of functioning within agreements which no longer serve. They served, and they were valid, but they no longer are.
There is no need to rail against the system.
Here is where I will end it. Perfect. Perfect.
Although I believe that women are, on every level and in every way, endowed with the very same abilities and qualities as men, and men are endowed with the very same abilities and qualities as women, I do not call myself a feminist. This is simply because there is no such thing as an androgynist. A feminist is still working within a paradigm which accepts the female as less than. How can I be a feminist? I prefer to be a humanist. It just makes more sense.
Now think on the new wave of atheism occurring culturally. Why would there not be an upsurge in atheism, when modern religions are just no longer equipped to address us honestly or as inviolate individuals, becoming instead just another bloc of tax evading fat cats? Of course atheism would become attractive to many. But it is a reaction within a system to a system which is itself broken. I am not an atheist, but my beliefs about God are not held by many. I'll tell you about them some time, if you want me to. I'd have to have some sort of request though, because I think I'd probably make a lot of you very uncomfortable. Or maybe not. Who knows. But it is a discussion best saved for another day.
I don't like that this thing is so long, but there are concepts in here which are alive on many levels, and I think that I will be quite pleased that I took the time this Tuesday afternoon, in my jammies, recovering from a 12 hour shift, to obey instructions and engage in some dictation. I am certain when I re-read this I will be surprised.
And although it is my deepest desire to stay on this computer all night and crack code after code with you, mount heated discussion after heartfelt, homesick rendition of some ancient tunes we have known since birth, instead I fully acknowledge that there is plenty of time to have these talks with you, and to hear what you think. I am so excited to hear what YOU think. And I know we'll be seeing each other on the other side tonight to discuss these things. You will point out my areas of understanding, and give me knowledge where I lack it. I will give you my enthusiasm and my great will. We will dance in our love of the dance, and as the sun rises, we will collapse onto the hill we take sometimes, all of our freak flags fluttering in the gentle breeze of anticipation, all of us, just watching, just quietly watching everything wake up.
