I have been going through the ascension process for over a year now and it's been dizzying, terrifying, breathtaking and overall insane. I have spent this time opening up to my gifts, giving in to who I am and what I am trying to do. But I'm so scared. I am on that final strip, the dive into surrender. The problems I have always faced are inside me. I have horrible confidence issues. I want to become that divine instrument, be a co-creator, travel to speak with the Galactic Council and be who I am destined to be.
But I just don't know what to do. I want to believe in myself, I want to feel that I deserve to heal and be here and be one with the Universe. I want to sell my artwork and jewelry, learn everything that interests me, spend my whole life traveling and healing the world. But I constantly feel as though I'm not good enough, that I don't deserve to do these things. The Creator doesn't speak to me, all I feel is a sense that he expects me to do it and to give up on fear otherwise he will not give me what I ask for. I do not say that as a self-defeating sense, it is something that I see and feel.
How do I change my inside? How do I let myself be confident and get a job, have the inspiration and motivation to do and sell my artwork? How do I let go of the expectations of my parents and just let myself be who I want to be? - There's something in me that knows but I am blocking the doorway and I am so afraid.
Comments
Help
If I didn't know better, I could think I was reading my own life. But where you are right now is where I was, only a couple of months ago. So, see it is All possible. The key is to try and start, to love yourself. After a lifetime of not feeling worthy of reviving any love, loving myself/yourself is a very very hard thing to accomplish. I realised I HAD to, in order to move along the path - so I started off by loving me, as God was in me, created me, was part of me. If I denied Loving the God in me I was denying God, and who God was. So start by loving Accepting God is Actually in you, is you, and knowing you do, as you say love God. Otherwise, which bit of God are you loving? Ah, you love all of God, so you must recognise you love the god that is in you.
God is All Love, God does not expect anything of you. He/she loves all offspring equally. So I realised, if God feels that, who am I to say I am not deserving. Forget the shit taught as a child by our human mentors, based on what they were also taught. Look at a baby/child - what is not to love. That's how God loves. No judgement. No unworthiness. Talk to him!
i could go on as I have really been through the same. Approaching 50, I finally feel "as worthy as all, as we are equal." First time ever.
Go within, as often as possibly. Feel that heart, divine love that is waiting for everyone to gently, quietly know it. That is god - it is you dear one.
many blessings
mandy
<3
You are really amazing. This helped my perspective. Even though I cannot hear God's own words, I feel him guiding me and s/he has brought you to me. Thank you really<3
°•--»Verallae*
Art
Also, with your art, what have u got to lose. Maybe join an art group so you are not on your own at first with no confidence inside you. They will encourage you and you will feel inspired. I did just that. One huge step at first in 2011, but now although I still love going each week, I don't need their confidence in me. People like my work it seems and all paintings I do sell very quickly. Yes you may be scared but what is the alternative ? Not try to do your art? Now, I don't need 'confidence' as I just do it. I have faith in the love that comes forth when I paint. It's not that we need 'confidence' at all. We just need to recognise at first we have fear, and do it anyway. Love isn't confident, it is just love.
<3
After reading the post before as well as this post I came to tears. You are absolutely right, and completely, amazingly inspiring. I need to just do it. Thank you so much, thank you thank you. I needed this<3
°•--»Verallae*