LIGHTWORKER GONE DARK
How is this possible?
I have been awake, fully awake and conscious, since January 25, 2012. I have been studying, remembering, meditating, networking, exploring, and, most, lightening up.
And here I am in the dark.
I had a traumatic experience a week ago, and I am still experiencing the fear which raged through my reality like a frightful tsunami. I feel its diminishing waves brushing the peace I have come to know.
Yesterday, in an effort to find peace, I went to my guru who gave me a conscious reading, and then assisted me through deep hypnosis. For the first time in my life, I had a meaningful past life regression. I explored aspects of myself I did not know existed. I saw myself in four lives, each with quite discrete and simple lessons which were learned, experiences accumulated.
This us versus them feeling which now rocks me when I consider the police state we live in, that anger and terror I feel, well, I now know where that comes from. The all-or-nothing, do-or-die approach in the face of tyranny comes from a very specific set of circumstances.
I released all I could, bless and release, bless and release, bless and release. But there is residual. And this residual is causing me suffering.
I know I am divinely guided. I know that God will make a way where there is no way. But for the last week, my physical reality has intruded on my peace in ways I do not like.
I know I have spent these last 8 months on physical reality hiatus. And rightfully so. No one can overcome the grid without unplugging from it first.
Having to plug back into the extremely controlling and fear-based collective consciousness is nothing I want to do. I want to be over here, creating joy and freedom> I do not want to be there, wading through the limitations smaller minds and hearts have placed on us all.
This sense I have that the end is coming, that things will get much weirder before they get calm,, I think this is just more training. I can't lose my sh*t now, over these relatively little things, when there may be far bigger disruptions and much grander acting out by the mutants coming our way.
How do I make community, and make peace, with monkeys who want nothing more than to control my behavior to satisfy their need for conformity and order? How do I remain creatively engaged in a reality which does not want me to pay too close attention to its machinations? How do I make peace with friends, family, co workers, who are so embroiled in their own pain that all they seem to be able to do is pass judgment?
You see now, I am a light worker who has temporarily gone dark. I know I am believing lies and giving into fear.
I need encouragement and words of hope. Can you help me???
Comments
You are not alone
I, too, have been experiencing these very same issues. I've been fully awake since around May 2012; my awakening started in 2007.
I KNOW I have creative ability. I KNOW I am POWERFUL. I KNOW there is nothing to fear, except fear itself.
So why do we fall back into old patterns?
I feel that it is that last purge of darkness. That last purge of fear. And as we purge it, that energy is moving through us to move out and it feels the same as when we experience it.
The vibrations I get through your message today tells me that I must be doing something right, because I'm not alone. You are not alone. Though we may not have people in our close physical proximity who are recognizing, we do have each other.
Thank you for sharing and being brave enough to express your fears.
Together, we shall overcome the Darkness.
~Namaste
Shauna Lin
ALLOW THROUGH NON-JUDGMENT
We are ALL, dark and light both..do not judge your experience of the dark, LOVE IT!! Embrace the 'suffering' you feel! DO NOT RESIST!! Accept YOU just as you are, dark, light, grey...ALL OF YOU.
REMEMBER THE YIN/YANG - YOU ARE BOTH!!
If you truly want to let go of your suffering then LOVE IT! There will be a day you will remember your days of suffering with nostalgia like a wonderful memory from childhood.
You are being shown ALL OF WHO YOU ARE!! Not just the fabulous parts..but ALL OF YOU!
How can you truly, fully LOVE....until you have learned to LOVE ALL YOU ARE?
Including what you label as 'dark'...realize..the dark is a place the light just hasn't shown YET. Once you are willing to shine your LIGHT OF LOVE there....dark turns to LIGHT/LOVE.
I'm just finishing reading
I'm just finishing reading other's replies after posting my own and you have pretty much said the same thing I have. I believe this is something that is still poorly understood by many and you have put it so simply, thank you :o)
All is perfect
dear one,
it is wonderful that we can experience these things that we call "dark!" for you see dear one, without one there is no other! we have to have dark to know light! these things we have to give us reference points to know where we are in each moment! know with your eternal heart, that all is perfect! make thine eye single and all will be revealed! this is just a process that we are all going through as we sift through the remnants of the old paradigm! I love you, for you are me in a reflection of you! without you, I wouldnt be! Thank you for these experiences that allow us to grow and prosper! be gentle with your self, for these times are grand! we are blessed to be here in this moment, our soul has been on a long journey to get us to where we are! this is a glorious moment for our souls evolution! remember the caterpillar as it makes its journey into butterfly-hood....as it liquifies and moves within its cacoon it must suffer before it emerges as a grand butterfly! Be the beautiful Day that you are!
WELL PUT
I AGREE A HUNDRED PERCENT
Part of your problems is
Part of your problems is because you took a "physical reality hiatus". This created an imbalance, and now you're swinging the "other way" which is making things very difficult. If you want real Peace, your spiritual and phsyical lives must be in balance. We're here to transform the physical, yet many Lightworkers attempt to ignore it entirely, which just divides them in half. This creates a "heaven" and a "hell" that they drift between and this creates an experience similar to manic depression. So long as you're incarnate, you're going to have to acknowledge the physical, otherwise all the emotional junk is just going to build up and up and up and up until it explodes and then you have to deal with a whole lot of ugly emotions coming at you all at the same moment.
Integration is key, and the people who are truly satisfied with their physical lives are the ones who have learned to bring Spirit into everything they are. You're really not moving backwards or becoming dark, worrying about that type of thing just slows down your own development. You've simply entered a new stage in your personal evolution, one where you take what you've learned from the Higher Realms and use that to transform your physical experience.
focus on
RIGHT NOW as i type this im focusing on sending u my feelings of the lessons i learned in this area. pay attention to how much you PATIENCE is being exercised and stretched out these rought imes. it will PASS and our light family always remind us of this in their channelings! they have been warning us about how intense this round will be, i know im so young, but as my blog shows my first near death experience happened when i was only 21 around 2007, my twin flame that I AM connected to was sparked barely a month ago if that, which i also posted in the forums about. (i share a few things on there every now and then :p ), but i have come to understand it as coming "full circle" once i realize in in the shitter again with things i THOUGHT i conquered and moved on from, but its almost like that last full circle was a rough draft and now i gotta proof thru my lessons cuz i more than likely left something out i was supposed to learn, or didnt recognize any of those signs at all! i share your pain BELIEVE ME! please, im feeling a connection. but anyways when i find myself back at that point of peace and love after the rough patch gets patched up, i will have time to reflect on the details and explore what i learned, what i could have but maybe didnt learn, how (if at all) i changed, and i remind myself how much stronger i feel, the tougher the obstacle was.
if i was to draw my visual out of how i view this experience bundle, it would be an upward spiral getting wider and wider as the challenges become tougher and tougher every time i come "Full circle"! i pretend that area inside those layers are is my consiousness awareness, or maybe the notes i took down mentally somewhere and they are always there to remind me.
you're gunna have to spend some time ALONE and AWAY from who and what make u feel like shit! sorry to be blunt but no matter how much it sucked and how many friends and family members who no longer talk to me, it was still the best thing to ever happen to me because NOW I DONT HAVE TO DEAL with them anymore! the more the positive outweigh the negative, the better it is for me :)
i hope this helps you in some ways. love and peace of mind to you beloved
in love and LIGHT
-Steve!
i love you!
SPENDING TIME ALONE
Hi.
I too,have had to separate my self from society in order to gain clarity of mind and spirit. I have felt the urgency to separate myself from my family, and friends. . from time to time and seek the solice of nature....I'm sure many have come to understand the peace that lives in these sacred places...
I have been on this path for over 25 years and for whatever thats worth, the challenges have been amazingly difficult at times. This path is not for the faint hearted... I learned the hard way.. but yet I have a passion for the work inspite of it all. I have learned that it requires, integrity, and a committment to the work that we are called to fulfill this mission and often we don't get all the reasons why or how we are to do this
but somewhere along the way we dedicate ourselves to healing our own hearts ans spirit...it seems to go with this work.... I have had so many hidden issues...some I have brought forth from other incarnations..that I have chose to heal and that certainly has NOT been fun! Sometimes I wonder how I ever got myself into this...but I really know that I was called....
I am a visionary, and intuitaive healer. I work with the Elohim Masters of Light as well as the Councils of the Intelligences of Lights.. I understand more today than I did 25 years ago... yet there is still so much more...! All I can say this path has been "a learning experience." and as the energy of our planet shifts and we all are pushed forward, along humaitys evolutionary path... be aware there is much more to experience in ways we never expected. And much will be revealed to those who are opened to receive it.
I encourage all who seek peace, and healing to take time to rest in nature...the benifits are incredible .
I can only solice in nature and the quite places along the waters and oceans...This is where I can connect to the energies of the spiritual realms, as well as my own spirit that has become ravaged by the storms of life...
much love :DDD
By actively helping others, you will help yourself.
It is part of the process, but I feel it too
Dear one, last night I became depressed and had a terrible nightmare. Someone where I live tried to engage me in a political argument. One of my new close friends is dealing with the soon-to-be death of her beloved cat.
Everyone I have tried to reach out to about this joy, this love, seems uninterested. Even when I am very subtle, many people here either do not have any idea of what i am trying to tell them, or they step away from me. LOL, "Step away from the messenger", at least they are not killing the messenger.
These times, with the US Presidential elections and the many other huge debates amongst the people of this earth, create a kind of miasma that is very hard to not be touched by, especially when you are empathic.
Even our love party on Weds. was touched by this phenomenon, when we were talking about the Sedona meeting that GFP was not invited to, and about how much they are charging to attend their meeting. It is that same energy of division that the politics of our time are enforcing and engendering. I stayed for a very long time, but it was not as cheerful for me as it usually is. Even in the lightworker community, there are politics, and it is not pretty. We still have the "spiritual entrepreneurs" who use the talents of the spirit to enrich themselves.
The WONDERFUL thing is that you trust us enough to reach out to us, and we are here to support you! And that also means that anyone in this spiritual family, we all can help each other. I went a little dark last night myself. I was reading a book called "The Red Queen", about the War of the Roses. It was not a cheerful book. But I have had past lives in that area, near that time frame, and it helps me to release when I read about these times. I finally went to sleep, still upset despite a nice meditation, and had a roiling nightmare about the job I am retired from.
Even people who are not AWAKE can feel the contentiousness of these times. How much more so, those of us who are awake feel these things, and when we release them, we are also clearing the atmosphere, so to speak, for the ones not yet AWAKE, to be able to see more clarity.
By "going dark" you have performed a service to the planet, to every living being in the universe. It's painful, but we are strong. You are strong to bring this to our attention. And we LOVE You, we are with you, and I say to you, This Too Shall Pass.
Love and blessings, Astreia
wow
THANK YOU... I could feel the love pouring out from your words. God Bless YOU. Thank you for your words of encouragement. They came from the heart, and that is what has been hurting... intellectual answers are helpful too, so helpful, but this love you applied to my aching soul, it was a balm. Thank you from the bottom of my healing heart.
You are not alone 2
Yes I have experienced something similar. I am realizing what I thought was broken is not, in fact, the change is the next step despite my objections
I am trying to keep and open mind and find that saying " I don't know" helps a lot!
In love
A moment of clarity, Loving Light!
I am in exactly the same boat and this helped me a lot today: http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10151244647415719&set=a.415410785718.207669.620010718&type=1&theater
Yesterday I went to hike in
Yesterday I went to hike in my favorite place by where i live because it seems to be the only place I can be alone with nature around here and as I was walking a long telling Gaia thanks for this beautiful day and after stilling my mind I almost walked right into the biggest rattlesnake I have ever seen TWICE spitting coiled rattling and all around peeved. I jumped back about ten feet and fell and after I regained my composure I thought well that was weird. Does it mean anything? I thought well maybe it means that we aren't through the woods yet and Earth is still a somewhat dangerous place to be at times and even though I was completely terrified and previously in a state of surreal peace. We have to aknowledge that we can't quite completely let down our gaurd yet because there is still some perilous misteps possible out there.
Give up all this
Give up all this 2012-ascension things. Just live for today as an ordinary, decent person and try to make every little thing in your daily life perfect. Maybe stop labelling yourself as a lightworker, too. Minimize the quantity of your personal identities. Stop expecting what might happen by the end of this year. Just live for today. Don't go into the 'I am awake-others are sleeping' things too deeply. Usually it is pointless and makes people arrogant. Grabbing the stories or pictures of 'big chang ahead', 'Event', 'New Earth', etc. only gives us more unecessary anxirties. It also shows our real state of mind-- the hatred towards the present world. That's the real source of darkness. Try to do every little thing in ordinary life perfectly first, at least prior to the 'grand mission' of 'lightworkers'. It's that simple. But it's not easy at all.
Dear Guest
You have a point. We do not want to fall into traps of comparing ourselves with others. We are all unique and we all have value, and people who are awake are not "better" than people who are asleep. Some people may have a job to do, a mission to fulfill, that requires them to be asleep a little bit longer, and they may be very important to us all.
I don't go by the "times", although to some people they bring hope.
You are right that staying in the now is very important, vitally important.
But I think that discussing ascension is also important. Some us us are getting into territory that we do not understand, and it helps to have "ascension lessons" of a sort, to help us know what it is that we are seeing or feeling. I see and feel many things that are unfamiliar to me, and I am glad to hear from those who have travelled that path before me.
Love and blessings, Astreia
Support
I have had a similar experience. As a lightworker and as what they call an Indigo, I felt the purpose I was here to do in my soul; to help, and to raise the vibration, and help foster change.
As I started to wake up I educated myself to the truth of what has been so carefully hidden from the people of the world. All the misdirections and lies are becoming more and more transparent, one day I became distraught by the 'truth' and I became outraged and the fire within me burned to do something, anything! But in the face of so much, I seemed so small, so insignificant and powerless to really make any sort of difference. It literally felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders.
I fell into a depression for days, I wanted to check out and give up, and it seems like the easiest thing to do, the only thing to do... but, instead I fell back on my beliefs. I chose not to invest any more of my energies in creating more fear, as one person co-creating this existence I decided to focus all of my energy on the realized full potential of humanity and the inhabitants of this beautiful planet.
Ghandi once said "If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. … We need not wait to see what others do.”
It is easy to forget, but let me remind you now! You are more powerful that you can ever imagine. You, as one person out of 6 billion, you ARE the difference. The light you can shine will light the way for hundreds, maybe even thousands. Like a water dropped onto a lake, the ripple created will spread out touching everything in it's path.
Shine brightly.
Fears
It seems a lot of us had a moment yesterday. I had been doing great with the energy for weeks now and look forward to them. Yesterday, however, I went out to do some work with someone I normally am not around and she had a headache for days. I didn't realize it until back at work when suddenly I got a splitting headache that made no sense. I took off an hour and decided to stay home today as it was still there but not as bad. I decided to take care of myself. I did a one hour meditation but even that didn't do it so I went on a quick errand and to the park for meditation. That did the trick. I had no idea but I was gone 3 hours, most of that at the park and feel like a new person. While meditating I saw my emerald green chakra open up and all the fairies, gnomes, inner earth beings fly away and knew the collective had just been strengthened. I then realized my fear of what if it isn't there when my third eye gave me the chance to open the door I had been waiting on. I opened the door and pure white engulfed me before seeing the beauty inside. I so wanted to stay in this place but knew I had to return to fulfill my mission. I have been to this place many times but this time I was told it was only minutes away-5D time. Still it means soon for me. Bottom line is for me I have found if I can't center anywhere else the outdoors is the place to go. I am seeing things change all around me now and know it won't be long. Somehow I let duality in yesterday which happens without knowing it so don't beat yourself up. Give yourself some tender loving care.
Namaste
Let's Create together a Light Worker Group <3
We need a Light Worker Group on FB. Sharing these moments is important. I feel alone at times, yet help others to overcome their doubts. I think if we share, we will merge and make brighter our light during the dark moments... If you want to come together, lets figure out a way to create a group. In Love All Ways & Light All Ways! Sandra Rose ~<3~
Lightworker group
I agree with you, wholeheartedly! I too feel isolated sometimes, even though I belong to an eclectic coven. The gals still don't quite get me. They are trying to learn though. It would be nice to have a private site, on which we could share our experiences, our downfalls, and triumphs! I'm all for it. Unfortunately, I'm technically challenged and don't know what is involved, do you? I would love to join, if it happens. Loving greetings.
We have a Galactic Free Press
We have a Galactic Free Press group on Facebook, though most of us that run the GFP are a little too busy to participate there every day.
Lightworker group
I would love to join. Cherie
PS-thought we got kicked off FB?
Here's Help
You just temporaily forgot who you are, God. Now don't foget that again or I will return to remind you.
I lost my beautiful, wonderful best wife and mother one could ever hope to be blessed with. It took me down for over a month until I finally figured it out?? After many one-way converstations with her, it dawned on me, she is doing much better than I. Why? Due to the Light House She now resides in. I have taught in many workshops not to cop the "poor me" syndrom. Imagine that? I didn't loose my powrer, but gave it away. What a dork.
I talked my way not only out of the depths of what I let me go to, but now am much Higher on the totumpool of Spritual Consciousness.
So my weakness gave me the desire for streath and this I choose and now am stronger in the knowledge that I AM GOD and just forgot for a bit.
I even wrote the book on it. "Remember Who You Are" The Awakening. I will get it down some day as it was chanelled to me before I knew much about chanelling. It is so good that I have read it over 20 times so far.
May the Force be with you, as it cannot "be" without You.
David Porter
Author of the series
REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE
Angels
May the Angels rush to assist you, as they rush to each and all of us in our times of weakness and doubt. You are no different than the rest of us. Keep being the Light you are. We may stuble, we may fall. But we press on.....
In order to overcome the dark
In order to overcome the dark you must recognise the dark in yourself. God is one, and these dark ones that you see in your outside reality are a part of who you are; the fact that you are feeling these things in your internal reality is a testament to this. It is not about denying these dark ones, it is about being at peace with them. The things we see as dark have served some purpose in our past, for example the obsession with control has served to help us feel safe and secure. So recognise these feelings in yourself, release your judgement of it and realise that it is OK. Dark or light, nothing manifests without love, dark is simply the love of something that someone else doesn’t recognise as being worthy of love.
You have spent the last year integrating the light aspects of yourself, and now you are ready to use this light to turn and face your dark. It is not about eliminating the 'dark' for there really is no dark, it is about finding a balance. This is done by changing your core values and beliefs, which in turn changes the way you perceive your external world. Your internal world is simply showing you that you hold the full range of emotions inside yourself, and all of them can be drawn upon in any given situation. When you are less aware you may resort to responding to a situation by trying to control it because this is the only option that you recognise as being available to you. As your awareness grows so do the number of options at your disposal and instead of feeling the need to control you may instead recognise that the situation is all part of the divine plan you have for yourself, and so even though you do not consciously recognise the reason for it, you realise that there is a purpose, your own purpose, and so you can relax and simply go with it rather than choosing to fight against it.
Love of power is not wrong for example, we should all feel empowered, but this needs to be balanced with a love of compassion. I’m sure you can imagine the difference these two perspectives could make in how someone in your external reality might treat you depending on their own balance of power and compassion.
Don’t worry, the light is still there with you, it is simply being compartmentalised temporarily to allow you recognise the dark aspects as a part of yourself. By doing this you will transform the dark aspects around you, and instead of feeling fearful and responding in ways to protect themselves they will transform into the greater beings that they are and you will recognise the light in them too.
I think everyone has been going through this at the moment, certainly this is true for me. I have done something that 15 years ago I never thought I would do. It has hurt someone I love very much and yet I have to be true to myself. I know it is right and I am following my instinct, but it is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I have had to recognise myself as a 'bad' person and it has brought up a lot of insecurities that I thought I was over. It is working out though, slowly but surely, so hang in there :o)
" The darkest hour is just
" The darkest hour is just before dawn" so they say. I think this is what you are experiencing right now - I have gone through periods of darkness, of wondering if I am making all of this up in my own head,
black + white = grey
dark, light .. these exist only in the human mind..
just do as you feel...
don't be fooled by stupid prejudices like right and wrong... they are fictional...
Sorry - I don't know what I
Sorry - I don't know what I did then - ha ha. Anyway, IT WILL PASS. Everybody is rooting for you and you will get some sort of sign - whether it be something you read, something somebody says to you or just something that catches your eye, you'll know and it will make you smile and step out of the dark.
There is a lot of love around you and thank you for the love that you give out.
May you be blessed. xx
A tidal wave of LOVE
Thanks for your encouragement. The angels propped the door open last night, and I am out of that hall of mirors now. What a weird week. THANK YOU!!!
My biggest suggestion is to
My biggest suggestion is to go deep into the heart and learn unconditional love for all of creation, including the dark side of it. Once I understood unconditional love and why it is so important I was able to let go of all fear. Once we understand that everything happening is supposed to happen because all souls on all levels of evolution are learning the lessons they need to look forward then we can understand as well that we must look forward along our own path. It is not our job to look to the left or right at what other souls are experiencing during their path. Unconditional love does not mean that you have to truly love everything including the dark. It just means that you have enough universal understanding to accept it and to allow it to follow its own path.
"Sometimes the light's all
Just keep doing the good things you're doing. What's that they say? "It's always darkest just before the dawn." We're talking the material plane here; the darkest densest matter but it's all energy and we're spirit. We can change the vibration by channeling light.
It seems to me the more light one has the more that the darkness is attracted. There may be other factors. I just went through my 2nd Saturn Return. Last couple years have been grueling but I feel I am even a stronger foundation for a light house.
We're moving from separation to unity conciousness. As old systems break down to make room for new ones there seems to be more scarcity and people are clinging even harder to the material. It won't help. Find the people around you that are also moving toward the light. This will give you strength.
Keep up the good work; we can't go backwards anyway!!
Love & Light!!
Billy Wright