Please disregard almost everything I have written in the past. My intentions were good, but I have no choice but to accept the fact that i succumbed to a sort of temporary insanity brought about by my bipolar disorder. (These are just words.) I still don't feel so great. I am back to not knowing what to believe, and still living with the aching necessity that I NEED TO KNOW what my place is in the Universe. I'd still like to think I"m special, and of course I am, in some ways, but the fear of Death is as real as it ever has been. I want to live forever; anything less would be, I feel, unfair. I'd at least like a reasonable explanation of Life, so I can stop worrying and enjoy what I have left of it. I don't think that is asking a lot, but of course, I may be wrong, as I am sure I have been wrong in the past about many other things...I feel as if I have been channeling the spirits of the dead as well as those of some living. Half of all my money for the month went to charity, the other half was spent on books I have no patience to read, but felt important to buy, as if I had written them in a previous life, or at least knew the authors in some personal way. I will explain it as the result of mania (these are just words, but I need to use words). The mania is gone, and I am left with my original depression. Whatever Faith I had in things is gone as well, or is greatly reduced and flickers like a flame. I've written enough for now, I just wanted to make a new entry after calling myself a buddha and pretending I understood everything. That was just plain silly...isn't it? Have a good day, and a good night as well.
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My friend
Hello my friend- well I just had to say hello, because I certainly understand and experience simlar ups and downs. believe me I understand how hard it is- was diagnosed the same so many years ago , just so you understand I know about how you feel. Like you I don't believe the diagnosis or even the words either! After reading this your post and it sounds so much like I could have written it- I am certain it is merely the illusion of duality playing itself out for you as it does for me day by day. Just relax and I know you will feel some comfort eventually- I find one challenge is finding peace when you feel depressed. Breathing and relaxing is probably the best thing- and know there are aspects of your awareness which you may not be aware of right now- forgive yourself and me my friend- In our human form, we are just like shreds of light that pierce shadows- however really we really are a much, much bigger light. If you can relax, you will be more open to receiving love from all and from the entire universe. I hope it brings some comfort. Also, you could try forgiving time, for being finite. When I feel depressed, it is helpful for me to know it won't last forever. I do not think you are silly. As the reiki saying goes- the buddha in me greets the buddha in you or something like that. Love always, your friend- Becky
Being Buddah
Beloved, I honor where you are, as it can be a place of great learning and introspection. To be diagnosed as BiPolar creates such depression itself! Just to find out that the mania is always followed by depression (their words), is so upsetting (my feelings) because it's is a shock to think that others were thinging you were 'crazy' or 'off' . But some of the thing that occur are quite real, maybe because we vibrate at a very high rate sometimes and a much slower rate other times, or because when we vibrate high we change dimensions and Know, and See and Understand with veils removed. I always thought it was so I would experience my duality... The Higher I would go the Lower I would fall. Docors love to diagnose this, it seems. I think we somehow are experiencing the Laws of Equuanimity, and are learning to balance the high and low and the joyous and the depressed the Speaking and the Silence...
I feel like it is learning to walk between the Worlds sometimes. Try and enjoy the journey and to trust in the Path you are on. You are not alone xxxxx. Namaste and Shalom, LezaTova
Thank you also for your
Thank you also for your comment and kind words, they mean a lot to me. Best wishes!
Faith is like a lamp, and wisdom makes the flame burn bright.
Thank you for your comment
Thank you for your comment and kind words. They mean a lot to me.
Faith is like a lamp, and wisdom makes the flame burn bright.