swimming in the waves of love. wait, WHOA! (scary!)
So i know this is long overdue, and i offer my apoligies (however you spell that word) as its been bothering me everyday that i keep telling myself im gunna write this blog, but even on the most boring days, i cant find the time to write it out. i guess maybe i wasnt floating in the right groove to explain it properly until this morning. who knows. that being said, lets get this scary shit going here =p
in all honesty, its tough to face this again, i mean when i think about recreating the story for ppl to read about, i kinda get scared out of it cuz i remember it so clearly thats its almost like reliving it all over again, except ive grown a little more since then and dont let that energy provoke me as much now ;p this can only be explained in my head in two ways, part is yelling out its supernatural, the other part is yelling it was a sign from a divine source, probly laughing at me the entire time while im confused and scared out of my pants. lol ok, this is a good perspective to look back at it thru, so im rollin with this one!
it just started out any normal day, except from the moment i woke up, everything was pushing me toward going to the neighborhood lake and meditating. it was all i wanted to do, and everything that happened that day reminded me how much, and why i wanted to. a quick example: the sun rising that morning. "man i need to go chill with the sun and meditate at the lake and soak up some 'fresh' morning energy!" of course ill remind myself how extremely simple it really is to do just get up and do, its literally right around one corner from where i live, its freaking walking distance. but before i knew it, the entire day had been wasted and i never got even an inch closer than THINKING about meditating at the lake. surely my thoughts turned from "man thatd be awesome to meditate with at the lake!" "im in the best mood right now i could totally contribute these positive vibes and meditate at the lake, the sun is giving up on me" to "man.. i should really do this before its the moon i start thinking about meditating with"
so in other words, my thoughts went from WANTING to go meditate at the lake and recognizing all the synchronistic events taking place all thru out the day. but im always distracted by SOMETHING else! and every time it was positive, i had gotten a total of about 3 compliments from girls i havent heard from in a lonnnng time and definately do NOT think of hearing from these days! (ive changed so much since the steve they remember me being, im not a teenage n e more lol they still are tho it seems like! anyways..) =X the things i was hearing totally made me feel uplifted, maybe yall hear these things all the time, or there are other reasons for you to not enjoy and appreciate things like this, but i absolutely do! things like "hey steve, just felt like you should know you are amazing and i miss you!" basicaly the three compliments revolved around the idea of them feeling they had to tell me something good about myself, and they probly made me feel so happy, bc i myself might had forgotten those qualitites they reminded me i have that bring smiles to peoples faces. i was flooded with emotion, but in a happy way, rather than a sappy way! the thought was forced smoothly into my head as clear as crystals "im like flooded in happiness.. i can literally feel the waves of positive energy swimming around me so much that i can almost see it..." that thought process was in fact completed, thank god! but not long at all after i focused on that thought... i hear a LOUD (i mean loud) THUNK behind me to my left. immediate reaction was to try and stay calm (which is odd lol but it was a very short lived reaction i assure you!) and then immediately i thought ok maybe someone is busting my fucking door down and they are mad about something. could be family or an intruder (thinking realistically at that time) so i didnt think of looking back at it (which is part of my self staying calm when im frightened that im surprised about being so relevant here. i was able to rationalize with a sense of reality in order to not look at that direction but instead stay focused on what i was doing while my mind observed around me. i have heard the cats knock glass over and break shit before that i thought were ghhosts or spirits lol, so i got a pretty balanced mind in these "surprising/frightening sound" areas. but guess what.. im not superman and im only acustomed to that original sudden sound that makes u jump! i almpst always jump too but not this time! lol! IUNNO like i said, its odd so im having trouble explaining that behavior, so ill ignore that and move on, cuz i didnt have much of a break from my train of thought or focused "poker face" i had while im actually scared, just not enough to take notice you know but yea
so in real time, this all happened within a second and (maybe) a half. im able to break it down to such a small time frame cuz that seemed like it was much longer, its as if my brain was recording in high speed mode able to catch mannnny many frames in a fraction of a second! so within a second. i hear a thunk, think out "whatever bitch im not scared" and that mentality is picked up on and a second CRASH sound happenes right to the left of me where i had a mirror hanging on a wall facing the left side of me at the time, this shit here got my attention cuz my peripheral vision picked up movement and alarmed me i guess, either way.. all my life (thanks to scary movies and unfiltered parents lol) i have had a severe fear of MIRRORS but only in certain settings, i wouldnt describe it as a phobia cux i can stand in front of a mirror and say candy man three times and not freak out. but if that mirror was some way shaped, or set somewhere i just had bad vibes shaking me up, i would do all i could possible to make sure not even the sides of my vision picks up on that mirror lol, and i have to say that steven king movies and others like CHUCKY or THE LEPRECHAN would take the blame for that fear lol. anyways so that being established now, a mirror i had hanging up that once never bothered me, somehow managed to find its way to the floor, standing tall and vertical gazing RIGHT BACK AT ME! i have to explain this part in a matter of fear for now, ill re-cover it with my spiritual thoughts from a more balanced state of mind later im sure, but for now, enjoy the humor of me freaking tthe fuck out and feeling like a lost ant or something lol. i have NEVER been this frightened in my life! so here we go im gunna run thru the events that happened from the fall of the mirror! this is alot so i wont explain what is useless info.
"ok either someone is here and mad and slammed my door or the cats knocked something down again whatever i aint scared"
another loud sound "SNAP, then what sounded like nails across the wall - a scraping with strong force sound, then CRASH
-i noticed it all out of my peripheral vision so i glance immediately to my left and notice this:
since what FIRST is the mirror, im assuming now i was overwhelmed by fear. and its because of this, i felt the positive energy i was swimming in attracted a negative entity to distract me away from thet feeling of bliss, i mean i was getting compliments, feeling happy, not a complaint in my thoughts at all i couldnt have felt any better! but once i NOTICED and ACKNOWLEDGED this feeling this time as something more than being materialistic in nature to bring about a temporary feeling of joy, i was surrounded and engulfed instead by the forces of love and they just loved that i noticed them! i could FEEL it! it was so strong and potent and intense! so it must have been no coincidence right that that would happen and i go from one extreme high point of my entire life to the most scared and lowest point (without any apparent physical struggle) of my life?!
i grabbed my phone and cigarettes, lmao thats all that was important to me in that moment of fight or flight! i was in "GET-THA-FUCK-OUT-OF-THIS-TRANSFORMED-HELL-HOLE-OF-NEGATIVE-ENERGY-BEFORE-I-GET-HURT mode, aka flight! mode! LOL!
i called my dad who was at work, as i was walking fast out of my bedroom, that light off to the left of the picture up there signals where the bathroom is, there is a door there that i just shut closed because i was letting the cats in with me and i just finished using the toilet so, i shut the door out of habit nonetheless! but i noticed it was cracked partially open. not much, just a couple of inches, enough to see an eyebal or two if you kno what i mean! LOL but i never ever heard it open! the light was off inside also, which wasnt right either. i felt it was an escape route or an entry point or BOTH even for a spirit form, i dont understand why i felt that thought made sense to this day, but it is what was what it was i guess lol. anyways. while on the phone with my dad, who has recently been emotionally triggered for his spiritual awakening process, on the phone reminded me something i was distracted from, or scared out of remembering, he said "well u said you were floating around in all that positive energy, maybe its not a bad guy behind this but the good guy doing whats necesary to get you to do whatever it is you feel you need to do!" that was perfect and just enough for me to hear to understand tahts mostly accurate to me and so i clasped that thought for a few, talked not letting it go while i talked myself calm again with my dad, and then we hung up. i was able to go back into my room, cautious of any bad energy and my spidy-senses were tingling harshly lol! i was on the lookout i guess you might say! =p anyways, shutting the bathroom door was the hardest part, i moved the mirror somewhere i couldnt see it anymore, and looked at the wall to try and debunk myself and find a reasonable explanation for the mirror falling (even thi i wouldnt be able 2 understand the first sound, i had to debunk SOMETHING to know for sure that what i experienced was in fact supernatural or not. and the more i observed, the more supernatural it became. for instance, the math and physics behind the way the tac split where it broke, doesnt add up. here look for yourself and let me explain:
first things first, this is a picture of the LEFT tac, there were TWO holding it up, the one on the RIGHT fell out completely, this one on the LEFT was split DOWNWARD to the RIGHT and the mirror slid from left to right, where the right tac fell out and dropped the mirror. so based on the sequence of events i concluded happened i thought out this:
since it fell from the side the tac is BROKEN from, that means some extreme force had to have broken that tac for the picture to fall over to the right where the right tac fell out completely, thats easier to make sense of with the motion and force accumulated from the swing of the mirror, naturally itd caise the tac to forcefully "pull" itself out. depending on how i had it set in the wall. but this broken tac had me so confused. why was it broken in that direction?! it doesnt seem like if you shoved downward on that left corner of the mirror, that the tac would break off that way, doesnt it seem mroe likely itd break off opposite?! i can only conclude somehow, it was hit with enough force or energy that it broke but it looks like the energy came from below and slammed the tac UPWARD from below. i dont know, its supernatural to me. and therefore, being my confident decision, i gotta admit my overall conclusion now.
i woke up being told already, "go meditate at the lake today, doesnt matter when, but we will point out certain times that would be most beneficial for you to do so. (the sunrise in the morning for example, more were synchronized thru various clues thruout the day) then as my day wasted away, time must have been running out when the sky strating darkening and losing some color from the sun. they got their serious faces on and took action after probly telling me
"ok steve, enjoy this next wave of positive energy because its the last you are getting for today until you meditate at that lake! but beware, if you accept the wave of happiness, karma will make sure what needs to be done gets done!"
of course i havent quite learned to accept the voice in side me is my higher self, i WONDER too often to completely trust that voice. so those thoughts never got me to take action and get out of the apartment and do what i intended to do all day. finally i took on the karmic challenge (which i always seem to do lol! i gotta learn the hard ways i guess to learn the best =D) and what an obstacle it was! to sum those events up, including what i neglected to mention in this blog, whatever force was behind this and responsible for my walk thru that spiritual path in ways that effect me the most, and only me, was successful in getting me to acknowledge their presence, and i accordingly left the apartment and meditated until the sun was completely dawned. =) i staretd with little color in the sky left, and when i finished, i opened my eyes to a new dark colored night, but refreshed.
if any guides or healers or anybody focused on my ascension process, whether for entertainment or cuz u were instructed to do so, if yall happen to read these blog things we humans put all our trust into, then you should know that i learned the lesson that day, and i conquered the fear as you noticed, i was able to sleep in my room that same night =p and i want you to know i hope you took humor away from all this. i like to envision you all as blue outlines of vapor or energy just laughing your heads off at me down here =p you are probably even writing stuff on my higherselfs face while im properly situated in a (so far) 25 year-long meditative position living out simulteneous lives gathering all this experience and learning all these lessons. it doesnt bother me at all that my sacrifices bring joy and laughter! bob marley is to music like i am to laughter! laughter is medicine, i love you all and thank you from the deepest of my enlightened heart!
everyone reading this, i hope you enjoyed and were able to laugh somewhere as well! most importantly, hopefully you were able to pull something away from this and learn something yourself! i hope i was clear thruout this and didnt make too many typos, i love you all too, namaste!
p.s. next blog im going to write out will be about my unintentional lucid dreams (only had two my whole life!) and how my fear of controlling my dreams showed me a whole entirely new perspective to look at it in, to understand "lucid dreaming" better so i wouldnt be afraid of it. i learned of its importance, and to study it under "astral projection" helps me clear any fear normally associated with it. maybe i will blog in depth about it next :) until then, peace, love, and light biscuits for everyone! =D ENJOY