Life really is stirring up the pot, isn’t it? The end game is here and vivid in our emotional fields. I think for me, this end stage.. the completion of the death process happened several days ago when I was doing my “doors” meditation. First of all, my meditations no longer work the way they always have. If I close my eyes and try to center, I go no where fast. If I am just sitting with an intention, it unfolds right before my eyes. No big deal really, or one would think it should be no big deal, especially since this is the way I do my readings, but to me, it is a big deal. My one constant on this crazy path is no longer constant. It changed. This actually kicked up a bit of frustration and sadness within me.
Then a few days ago I was working my doors and remembered I never turned around to lock the back door to the old life. So I first opened that door to see what was thru it, it stretched back to my time on the mountainside in Vermont. That time period (2002) was my first real death process. When the old Lisa who came into life died and the new Lisa was born. I was so surprised to see this as my past I must close the door to, so I didn’t. These last 10 years, while challenging, have been the greatest years of my life, I don’t want to shut that away. It kicked up more sadness because I knew… all that brought me to here was done. Granted, I have been writing that now for a month, but I suppose I never realized it meant to the most empowering aspect of our lives too. Or maybe I did and just didn’t look at the depth of what that meant.
Two days ago my oldest daughter posted a picture of my father, someone I have not talked to for 36 years (since I was 13) or knew at all until recently, of him doing a tattoo on someone. Both of my girls are amazing tattoo artists and here is this man no one knew (at least on my arm of the family tree) doing what my girls are so good at. Is tattooing genetic? My heart got really sad looking at that picture. I will never know “that” man. My heart still gets very sad when I see it. it is funny what a picture from 20 years ago can stir up in a heart that thought it didn’t care what it missed over time.
So yesterday, as I started typing out my morning sharing and really feeling all the changes, the sadness inside of me started to leak out of my eyes, especially when writing about how meditation changed for me, top it off with the song by Diana Ross and maybe just seeing the date that song came out: 1975 brought up so much childhood sadness. Endings, beginnings followed by so many more endings.
As I wrote my sharing yesterday, and I apologize to all those I overwhelmed or confused with the addition to the doorway meditation, that was never my intent, it was actually my excitement to help us all go further with this amazing meditation… which was actually someones reading!!
So with a heart filled with weepiness, when I closed out my sharing I decided to take a bath… hoping my usual style of meditation would just be back. Not! Just the intention of putting my foot in the bath to do a meditation started the energy flowing. I watched as it was raining down translucent multi-colored energy all within my bathtub. As I laid in the tub and closed my eyes, the visuals stopped. I opened my eyes, the visuals started again, closed them, it stopped. Reminded me of the “open and close record player” I had as a child. lol
In a bout of frustration I just said “what the hell is this all about?” My team gave me a really good reply. Still don’t like the change, but I do love the progress. For 12 years my inner world existed within me. Now it is time for my inner world to be my outer world energy too. Of course I have been saying that thru my sharings too, but I suppose never understood the depth of it all until recently. So now I am no longer traveling the multi-verse of energy and experience, instead, the multi-verse is coming to me, unfolding in my home. OMG, I just realized something!! I can swim like a fish in the inner world of my meditations to the far reaches of all created universes, plunge deep into the sun, walk around on Mars, there are no limitations and it is fluid. Now I get why I first swam like a dolphin on my current level of doorways. (You can read about that here, if you like.) I am learning to swim as fluidly and effortlessly in my created reality of energy as I had within my inner world of meditation.
Even tho I am still sad about the sudden and unexpected change, I am more excited about the depth of what that means to us. Yesterday I looked at my doorways again. Still the same image, upper platform, all doorways generating a gold and white energy from each one., lower one still appearing as if I am in the night air looking at it. The only doorway open with energy above is my first one, my financial freedom doorway. Other than the one time I swam like a fish, and, I might add, only half way thru my lower energy field, I have not been able to move off the platform. I did try yesterday and my team said no. what the hell? They said I have the one door open that is needed for me right now. The rest will be accessed when I return from Virginia next month. Really? Well, I was not about to take that laying down (smile.) I put my intention on my 2nd doorway… I want a gentle feather in that one!! Dammit!! I want a solid spiritual partner! My team told me I don’t need to open the door in my circle of doors, I need to open my front door. Hell, I will open any door it takes!! So from my bathtub I imagined I opened both of my front doors (they are french doors, not leaving anything to chance here lol.) Suddenly I had seen a massive energy flow coming into my living room… a beautiful yellow-gold flooding energy. Well, that hasta be good!!
The one thing I realized with utter clarity is that we have changed. Everything about us is changing or has already changed. But yet… we are in that pause place, where the new has not completely arrived yet and the old is no longer there. But… as my 2nd reading of the day showed me, that is not 100% true either.