amissvik's blog

DEEPLY AWAKE - REHEARSAL

amissvik's picture

 

DEEPLY AWAKE – REHEARSAL

 

No wonder, I am being canceled a lot lately. Nature's way of saying I need to accept the regular job, but more than that, being off was essential to work with this incoming energy. Such pure shots of it have we been getting. Surprising we aren't all walking around with nosebleeds.

 

When I am anticipating working a night shift, I hunker down, stay in my jammies, putter and mutter around the house, just flit from one light pursuit to another. Often I do not write, because doing so creates a disturbance in the field, chops and rearranges and redefines stuff, creates new arenas of sound and possibility. It's just too much sometimes.

 

So yesterday, I read a little, watched a little TV, but really felt very flat. Under the surface, things were happening, and all I had to do was just try to go to sleep. Yeah, just try it. Ha!

 

I laid down around 1pm, and kept getting swept into this subject and that pursuit online. Hard to settle my mind on any subject, everything feeling just a little much, a little too much, not in an, “Ooh, I am overwhelmed and just can't TAKE anymore!” way, nope, more like just not being able to find one thought, or family of thoughts, that would just let me get quiet.

 

I finally gave in.

 

DEEPLY AWAKE - EVENTS KEEP OCCURRING

amissvik's picture

 

DEEPLY AWAKE – EVENTS KEEP OCCURRING

 

I love Roz Chast. If you want a genuine belly laugh, and someone who will assist you in reframing what seems to be really important to you at any given time, pick up her book Parallel Universes. You'll laugh out loud. The title of this piece is in homage to her cartoon about “Lite Literature Classics”, I think it's the lite version of War and Peace. Events Keep Occurring. Ha!

 

I was canceled last night, the night of the monthly Kirtan here in Denver at Mile Hi Church of Religious Science. The first one I ever attended was just two months prior. I missed September's, had to work. So I was unsurprised when the call came through that I was not to work last night. I was ready.

 

Getting that cancellation helped me have the wherewithal to make a decision, and I accepted the contract job at a local hospital. I'll work day shift on the cardiac floor until the month of my birthday. I will make sure I have the 12-12 and the 12-21 off, but I will sacrifice a little bit of my freedom to correct this financially listing ship. I made that commitment, got spiffied up, and then wrote “Weed,” then headed off to Kirtan.

 

DEEPLY AWAKE - WEED

amissvik's picture

 

DEEPLY AWAKE – WEED

 

I think it's fascinating to watch judgments crumble.

 

It is one of the most thrilling things in the world to feel the scales fall off my eyes, and something that once just confounded me, or angered me, or filled me with resentment or fear, how every now and then someone or something comes along to right it, to make it straight and true, and in a blink of an eye, I am in a clearer state, see things as part of the whole, smile a little, relax a lot, and then the real thinking, not the crazy circular thinking, can begin.

 

Such is the way with many things. I think of the big judgments I have held, and it is often difficult to pinpoint the faulty belief, the lie I am telling myself that is causing distress. Unable to solve the koan, the outside, my reality, calls to me, to solve a problem, to address an issue, to create once again something that will have meaning to myself and to others. I externalize, and I learn, and then it comes home, I integrate, I change, I move on and address myself and others just a little differently then.

 

It is facile to say simply that because I create my own reality, everything is at my beck and call. It really matters on which ledge of the vibratory mountain one shouts that from. I can say that from littlemind, and then, the world is full of frustrating situations in which I am victim, being ground down by the will of others, and I am creating it, and woe is me.

DEEPLY AWAKE - PROBABLY

amissvik's picture

DEEPLY AWAKE – PROBABLY

Halloween was really fun this year, probably the best yet. We ate cheese sandwiches and bean soup, watched X-Men First Class, and then Sam got dressed up, painted his face, and off we went, into the perfect autumn night, the one I have thought of from time to time, I imagine. The quiet streets, the gentle passersby, then kind son who would just occasionally reach out and walk with his arm around me, just for a while, and it felt so good to know he finally, sometimes, feels safe enough to express tenderness. And then I would turn and hug him, making sure my chest, right where my heart sits, that it laid flat against him, so that he could feel how my heart was spinning with gratitude, and the surprisingly familiar clear knowing of what peace is.

And then, the morning sort of jagged, rough, with teeth marks bumping up the surface of that first moment when you come up from a long swim in dark, inky, undecipherable sleep. That odd feeling where the floor is just a little tilty, though all appears level. Just not right, just not right.

And then the thoughts. Money. Bills. Car battery. New job offer. My future. My rent. My dad. My sister. The cats need food they will eat. I need to clean my house. Where are Sam's jeans? Why can't I get my shit together? Yeah, yodeling from high on the mountain one day, picking crap off your feet from a dirty kitchen floor the next. Some helper you are. Some mystic you are. Just a gullible person who can't make friends. Why wasn't mom more, um, oh, I don't even need to go there. We need to get going. We're going to be late. Jesus, none of Sam's clothes fit him anymore. I can't afford clothes. Christ. Bills. Payday. Let's GO!

And then the walk.

DEEPLY AWAKE - NOW

amissvik's picture

DEEPLY AWAKE – NOW

There are a few things that I understand now that I did not understand previously. I am grateful for all the time I chose to spend squirreling away this knowledge from myself. It was very helpful to have spent so very many years in voluntary confinement. Just this side of sanity, I have finally stood in a light which has made all things right, all things clear, all things beautiful.

Let me explain.

I have now been introduced to Bashar, re-introduced. I understand that the black triangle I saw, well, it was only half true, the story I chose to give myself about it. The UFO overlay, the abduction and release story, all true, to a point. But it was not just I who had been cloaked.

The Teachers opened my energetic doors, reminded me of the language of a race I am very aligned with. Gave me the language, the structure of thought, to begin a journey which would lead to going as far into physical reality as I ultimately chose to go.

I sat listening to Bashar's explanation of the 9 levels of consciousness, and the last 15 minutes were actually nothing more than a love letter from a dear dear friend, finally asserting itself within a physical structure which could finally, after all these years, contain that much light. I sat, those last fifteen minutes of the video, or so, sitting in my recliner, and laughing my ass off. Honestly. I laughed until I cried, and then I laughed some more. Most all the lights are finally back on. Ha!

Yesterday was an unusually brilliant day. I left the house at 1:30, walked to the store, and then, because I had more than enough time, I walked through the park. Not on the paths, no, on the grass, between the trees, beside the still waters of our little creek.

DEEPLY AWAKE - FREE FALL

amissvik's picture

 

DEEPLY AWAKE – FREE FALL

 

Let us not talk falsely now, the hour's getting late.”

 

I suppose I should be grateful I have suspended my belief in the Thought Police, because if I still thought They had any power at all, I would be hunkering under my blanket in a little while, once I push “send.”

 

But I do believe that something has shifted. Each time I think I can go no further, expose something no more, expand no farther, in comes a breath of some sparkly potion-laced oxygen, and I am flying then, seeing things clearly, fascinated by the twinkling of all the lights going off in my mind.

 

I have a great plan laid out for today, modest, serene, productive. And I was about to start out, but in the shower I was given some thoughts, unwieldy, magnetic, requiring room to breathe, room to lay out all the parts and watch it assemble itself within me.

 

I want to tell you that my plan starts out with walking over to my nearby 7-11 for some incense and some pumpkin latte coffee, then maybe an egg sandwich from Sonic.

 

I am walking because my car battery is dead, died on Friday night, and I have not had enough cash to fix it. Ha!

 

DEEPLY AWAKE ~T'S HAPPENING

amissvik's picture

 

I have the news on right now. I have been checking in since the storm got interesting. I watched the fireball that was a ConEd sub-station, I have scanned the pictures of Manhattan streets flooded, structures ablaze, the stories of stranded tourists, and Chris Christie actually MAKING A MAYOR WRONG FOR OFFERING SHELTER TO HIS CITIZENS.

 

Wow.

 

Wow.

 

It's happening.

 

How many times have you had a crisp, shocked, thrilling sensation accompanied by the words, “It's about to happen!”

 

DEEPLY AWAKE - MY FAVORITE MARTIAN

amissvik's picture

 

DEEPLY AWAKE – MY FAVORITE MARTIAN

 

What a grand few days I have had. Three 12 hour shifts, back to back, in the psych ward. The first two nights were sainted. Gentle, sweet, quiet, loving and sainted. Patients and staff being kind and gentle to each other and to themselves. How blessed.

 

And then the third shift, among very cold and mean staff, unpleasant and closed and petty and resistant. By the third shift, my endurance was lower, and it was easier to sink into the sad, lower frequency agreement fields.

 

Through it all I have been sleeping very deeply, and being given sweet dreams. I was visited by a symbol of on old, great love, and now know that my relationship is on its way. The symbol sat there smiling, so still and so loving, and asked, “So, how do you feel?” I said without thinking of consequence, “I love you,” those words symbolizing my willingness to move forward without fear, within the unified field of interconnectedness, to give and receive love and bliss in the now.

 

This morning I was greeted by old friends. I stumbled upon the “official video” for the wayshowers, and WOW did the gongs get gonged. Wow, I have watched it several times now. Wow. My tribe.

 

And then, I stumbled onto Bashar.

 

DEEPLY AWAKE - EARTH'S HISTORY AND OUR ASCENSION

amissvik's picture

 

DEEPLY AWAKE – EARTH'S HISTORY

 

THERE IS AN URGENCY WITH WHICH I AM BEING TOLD TO GET THIS OUT. PLEASE FORGIVE THE PLENTIFUL TYPOS

 

Do you remember the first time you heard the idea that the opposite of love is not fear, not hate, but indifference?

 

Quite a liberating thought. The opposite of love. Isn't indifference the heavy-lidded shaman who dances and prays and intuits for the tribe, so supported by mystery that there can be no other response to all extremity within mankind, except for a nod, a slow grin, a quiet heart. And is that stillness indifference, or unspeakably profound love?

 

Unless you are in the presence of it, it is hard to know which you are seeing demonstrated. Indifference and acceptance, they both may appear as inertia, as unmatched strength, as deep humility or unending devotion. The way the room lights up when you are in the presence of it, that's the only way to know. Actions, and words, can be deceiving.

 

DEEPLY AWAKE - GOD BLESS LEONARD COHEN

amissvik's picture

 

DEEPLY AWAKE – GOD BLESS LEONARD COHEN

 

ANTHEM

 

The birds, they sang

at break of day.

Start again,

I heard them say.

Don't dwell on what has

passed away,

or what has yet to be.

 

Oh, the wars,

they will be fought again.

The holy dove,

she will be caught again,

and bought and sold

and bought again;

The dove is never free.

 

Ring the bells that still can ring

Forget your perfect offering

Pages

Subscribe to RSS - amissvik's blog