DEEPLY AWAKE – I AM CHANGED

Today, I am reviewing my life these past 9 months, and I feel complete with a few things that before were still being nailed down, still being melded into my being.

I see myself much differently now than before. I do not fear anything. Nothing.

I had a meditation two days ago which changed many things for me. In essence, I learned about the law of return. I did a healing in meditation, totally innate in its breadth and form, surprising in its complexity and mercy, creative and innovative and quite a ride. It was a meditation of absolution, of forgiveness, of pure love for me and everyone, everyone, everyone. And in the end, I stood and said, “I see you. I forgive you. I love you,” to everyone living or dead, connected to me consciously or not, regardless of littlemind stuff like politics or religion. And I got back so much love. Everyone I gave forgiveness and love and encouragement to, did the same to me.

Imagine. I am one person. Sending out as pure a vibration of acceptance and blamelessness and encouragement and love and forgiveness as I am currently able to, and once sent out, everyone who sensed it returned that love to me.

What a gift. What an honor.

DEEPLY AWAKE – THE POINT

I have been steeping in a lovely infusion of divine mind/spirit/heart. I have been finding that things are coming together, making sense, and the synchronicities in the last twelve hours alone are mind-blowing. I smile when I remember that while cooking, with KBCO playing, each and every song had some reference to “being home”, or “welcome home” or “come back home.” It began to get surprising. It was blatant. “Home” has been Issue Number One for me this lifetime. I smiled and said out loud, “Thanky ou, guys.” I say that a lot these days. Sometimes to myself. Some people still don't understand.

That incredible longing, all the ancient memories, all the deep, profound stillness that I could never obliterate, even in my darkest days. A part of me just never believed it. But most of me felt crushing defeat, incredible loneliness, brutality, addiction, poverty, on and on and on it goes.

So what.

I am here, on the summit again, and I need to speak from biggermind. Littlemind has had its day. I am done believing littlemind. And I trust biggermind to choose my words carefully. But how much information to give? How much help, how much reality?

DEEPLY AWAKE – THE COMPLETION KOAN

Woke up this morning, and once through the night, with this questions blasting in my ears, through my being:

How can I love into completion that which is already complete?

How can I, by running light and love and sound, bring into wholeness that which is whole already?

How can I forgive that which is perfect?

This is a summit with amazing vistas, and very thin air.

I understand now that to see things as broken, as a healer does, is possible only when one is willing to see the parts and not the whole, the symptoms and not the cause, the end but not the saga in its fullness.

I bob around in this soup of duality, the agreements we all must hold to maintain an individual point of view within this vastness of cause/effect, good/bad, day/night, lost/found, they color my thinking. The agreements, the structure of the thing, make it possible for me to stay within judgment, entrenched in certain thoughts which make peace and healing possible, but I see now there is another way.

DEEPLY AWAKE – THE PRIEST AND THE NURSE

I want to tell you a story about a lifetime lived in the middle ages. There was a boy who was terribly abused and neglected by his parents. He knew nothing but bitterness and hatred. He was surrounded by unhappy, mean and cruel people.

He found the church, and found that he responded well to the structure and the dogma which contained the people within the faith. He learned, grew, and took on more and more responsibility, more and more power, in his church.

A novitiate came to him. The priest chose this novitiate to work out some of his pain. The priest felt there were demons everywhere, and did not understand that the demons were projections of his own pain. He took an interest in this novitiate, but soon enough, found that mentally torturing this novitiate was far more satisfying than teaching, explaining or giving anything to him.

The priest drove the novitiate mad. Messed with his reality to the point of madness. The novitiate became so tortured, so insane, that he killed himself.

After that, the priest felt pride. He understood that things changed with his flock after that. He no longer had anyone's respect. But he had their fear. He had their disgust. He had their obedience. And it was WONDEFUL.

DEEPLY AWAKE – BABY STEPS INTO MASTERY?

Can you expand (if possible) on what that means about the polarities not being random, and things being reversed?

I sense, too, that now the fun part is going to begin!

I am so grateful that I can be in dialogue with you. I was writing a pretty direct message my guides kept hammering away at me with: that what I once considered fact is changing, and what I now know to be true, is in fact just the lowest octave of Truth. That the things I have hidden from myself this lifetime are no longer off limits, and that I can indeed walk in dominion with my reality now.

There are many layers to this, but I will give you an example.

I had just been released from an 8 hour visit to a jail recently. I saw such brutality, such absolute disregard and disdain that the officers and jailers had for their fellow human beings. It was a big deal to have to spend time there. It brought back many memories, and I had a dark night of my soul kind of thing. The whole thing was an exquisitely set up lesson, and I am grateful for the entire experience, because the gifts from it were phenomenal.

Exhausted, beyond exhausted, that night, after being up over 48 hours, feeling beaten and spent and strangely stronger than before, I remember being outside on the stoop, thinking about the people who worked in the jail system. It seemed to me that being unkind was the social norm, and someone who went out of their way to comfort or assist a prisoner would be in danger. I thought and thought about that.