DEEPLY AWAKE – THE TRINITY
Imagine you are looking upon a scene from another age, somewhere out of time. There is a long, narrow and impossibly tall outdoor hallway, corridor. The passage is dark, and leads to an arena.
In the arena is a tiger, as ravenous and unpredictable as they come, maybe rabid, maybe brain injured, but nothing to sneeze at.
The passage leads to something good, but you have never been told the specifics. You just found yourself at the mouth of this arena, in a darkened corridor, with a cardboard sword in your hand, and some kind of innate understanding that you are to stay at the mouth of this corridor, with your inadequate little sword, facing apparent daily annihilation, with absolutely no clue what is really going on.
Now imagine that the person holding that Weapon of No Consequence is eight years old. There are many things that escape an eight year old, through no fault of their own. An eight year old is unequipped to command authority, not because s/he is weak, but because s/he does not have capacity for the mechanics of blade and flesh, shade and sun, fear and fearlessness.
The child succumbs to the madness inherent in finding oneself in an impossible situation. Outgunned, unskilled, frightened,threatened, uncertain.
When I saw this in meditation, I understood that this poor abandoned soul is my ego.
The part of myself who has had to guard me as I slept. She kept the tiger at bay. Sometimes she would bellow at the tiger, red in the face, taunting it, knowing full well that the tiger would not, could not pounce, but knowing that just one swipe from that great paw was enough to finish her. She yells, “Bring it on, you twisted creature. Come over here and I'll let you have it!” When threat passes, the little girl crumples against the concrete wall, too shaken to stir. But the vigil goes on. It goes on today, within each of us.
